[goodluckchip]

Hi everyone... I am so sorry for all of your losses... I joined this horrible club on March 1, 2011.. after 3 1/2 years of being with my husband day and night as he battled lung and bone cancer... as Judy said as prepared as I thought I was I wasn't at all... the first year went by.. I greived, went to 3-4 grief groups... made a few friends with a couple of widows who all became tyrants and wanted everything their way... the movie they wanted to see, the restaurant they wanted to eat in.. etc... I am approaching the 2 years anniversary and am petrified.. last year I was angry for 6 weeks... my husband passed away on my deceased daughter's birthday... she was 21 and passed 15 years ago this past August... he was calling her name for 2 days before he passed... waking up knowing it was the anniversary of his death and wishing her a happy birthday did me in... I don't know what I'll do this year... the second year was the hardest for me... and still is... the last month or so... I cry constantly, don't go out much anymore, and don't want to... I have plans for certain classes I'll be taking inMArch and am hoping I still care and can even get out of bed by then... I have tried to meet men and women... the men I've met.. don't want to be friends and get to know someone... they have no time so want a quick roll in the hay.. and that's it... I need to be held desperately... that lack of human touch.. is helping to destroy me... met one man who understood... and then I found out he was living with someone... lied to me... was another disappointment... I can't take anymore... I do see a private pyscholigist now... and he tells me this is all normal... God help us all... the aloness makes you feel as if you're dying.. I feel as if I died the day the Dr. dx my husband...

[joypulv]

I take it you live alone... Would you consider a roommate, someone who is your age and has certain things in common, not necessarily death of a husband and child, but someone who is not smack dab in the middle of the dating scene, someone who keeps your hours, is as neat or messy as you, does/doesn't smoke, is willing to share cooking a few dinners a week together, and a movie, or a restaurant? How about a cat.. the classes definitely sound good... dropping off vital winter clothes at spots around the area where homeless live in boxes... start your own bereavement group, with those you select...
I can't imagine what you are going through though. Husband and child. I'm so sorry.

[JudyKayTee]

I was also widowed after my husband's five year battle with
Diabetes and all that comes with it - amputations, heart attacks, dialysis (which was very hard for him). You express your feelings - which are also my feelings - very clearly and very well. Yes, the loneliness is beyond belief. I found (and find) that I missed him most at dinner. I didn't sleep in our bed for 6 months after he died, never ate a meal at the table. I just couldn't look at his empty place.

For me being with other people was worse than being alone many times. Everyone seemed to be a couple and then there was me. Even friends who didn't have a significant relationship had someone - I didn't.

I can tell you that time makes it easier. I can also tell you that there will always be a hole in your heart.

I do think that loneliness is seen as vulnerability and weakness in anyone who preys on people (and that includes men and women). You just have to be very careful about people's true motives - but you already know that.

I would tell you to stay busy, but that didn't work for me. Group didn't work for me, either - the women were all in some state of near hysteria all the time and the men were looking for a date.

I stayed busy, went to bed early, got up early, just tried to survive. It's all about baby steps.

I wish I had wonderful, magic words for you. I don't. I only can tell you that I've been there, that I did survive, that it's tough, that eventually it gets better.

Hang in there.

[Fr_Chuck]

I went though loss, depression, drinking and all of that after my wife passed.
I dated, meet several ladies, one was planning our wedding on second date, another was arranging my career on the second month, ( maybe I missed a great one then if I wanted to be controlled) Another was into magic and said they put a spell on me to stay with them,
Another introduced me to her girlfriend after 3 weeks,

But I finally found Toni, the issue was I did not get serious about any of them in the first month or two and was just dating. If that is what you want. Date but don't start making plans, date several people at some time and find out about them first