[LJDK]

I'm even more down today... I met a girl. Beautiful. We share so many interests. Turns out like all the women I meet they are not interested in anything but sex. You see... my ex wife warned me the day I started showing interest, that she isn't looking for something serious. But we fell in love. And now here I am again.

Faced with this issue. A girl, visually stunning, I mean really gorgeous. And she won't mind sex. But I know myself and I will fall in love. I always do... so I have to walk away.

Brave new world

[Oliver2011]

i'm even more down today... i met a girl. Beautiful. We share so many interests. Turns out like all the women i meet they are not interested in anything but sex. You see... my ex wife warned me the day i started showing interest, that she isn't looking for something serious. But we fell in love. And now here i am again.

Faced with this issue. a girl, visually stunning, i mean really gorgeous. And she wont mind sex. But i know myself and i will fall in love. I always do... so i have to walk away.

Brave new world

"Turns out like all the women i meet they are not interested in anything but sex." SO WHAT? If that is not what you want say no. If you wouldn't mind it, say yes and then good-bye. These are little issues. Get down when you have a big issue.

Look dude, some people just like feeling bad for themselves and maybe you are one of them. I rather look at the positive things in life and in my life. Count your many blessings because one day they might not be there.

What is wrong with just getting to know a girl and be their friend? You don't have to fall in love with every single one you meet. If you do then I am doubting you know what true love is.

[mogrann]

What do you enjoy doing? Do you have any hobbies? Can you volunteer with a charity you support? I think you need to take your mind off dating and a relationship and just get out there doing stuff.

[Oliver2011]

What do you enjoy doing? Do you have any hobbies? Can you volunteer with a charity you support? I think you need to take your mind off of dating and a relationship and just get out there doing stuff.

You should read our other posts to see we have suggested that over and over again. I really think he won't be happy unless he waits for her return text saying she wants him. You and I know that isn't the right solution but still, he should.

[Oliver2011]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...445916-10.html

Look at this person's last text yesterday where she came back 2 years later and thanked everyone for encouraging her to move on. And now look at what she has:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...445916-10.html

[LJDK]

I appreciate the input really I do. Its just not that simple. It will take time, all hopes and dreams, the possible future, ideals and everything was torn away.
I try to get out there doing stuff, but I get sick every week. Dr reckons it's the depression breaking my immune system.

The happy pills are almost working. I have moments that I'm not consumed by this sorrow.
And my mind is not making it easy to just move on.

I fully agree to forget about all relationships. But its so hard after having spent the past 4 - 5 years every single day with my old partner. That's a minimum of 1460 uninterrupted days with someone. Gone. It's a difficult adjustment.

[LJDK]

"Turns out like all the women i meet they are not interested in anything but sex." SO WHAT? If that is not what you want say no. If you wouldn't mind it, say yes and then good-bye. These are little issues. Get down when you have a big issue.
.

It's a huge issue. Not small. Its not the sex, it's the concept that if every single women out there I meet is like this, then it would imply I will forever be alone. That is what's breaking me. I don't mind the sex, its just so sad thinking that that's all there will ever be in this life. Mindless empty relations with no substance.

[Oliver2011]

It's not a big issue. It's a big issue because you are making it a big issue. If you don't want that then don't do that. If you want it then do it. It is just that easy. If you are meeting women in bars and clubs then probably a good portion just want sex. But if you are meeting women other places, such as a house of worship, I would tend to believe that they aren't looking for that. Everything in your relationships end up as big issues when they don't have to be. Too much drama and only you has the power to change that.

[mogrann]

I am going to be blunt. It is your CHOICE what you do to get better. You can decide to get help or work on things yourself or you can do nothing and let things stay as they are. You are focusing all your energy on being in a relationship. Fix yourself and be happy with yourself and you never know what will happen.

Right now I can hear you how dare she say that. Doesn't she know I am suffering and things are out of control? I can say that as I went through it. Not the same things but the same thought process.

I was a self injurer, suicidal, depressed and saying I was stuck and could not do anything to get better. I was on medications lots of them to help with the self harm and the suicidal thoughts. I was on sleeping pills to sleep. They helped a bit as I had no positive coping mechanisms. My last hospitalization I asked about a therapy program I had heard about for people with my mental illness. I was put on a waiting list and accepted into the program.

It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. They challenged my thoughts and taught me how to handle everyday life. I felt like quitting plenty of time. I got willful plenty of times. How dare they tell me that, don't they know I am hurting? My situation is different, I can't do this it is too hard etc etc. When I even look back at my posts from when I started here until now I am shocked at the change. Just working on myself and working towards a life worth living has made such a change in my life.

Is everything perfect now? NO. I still have to use my skills daily. I still have bad days. I am now looking at either going into a new program to help with figuring out what thoughts I have are judgements and what are truths. I will keep searching to become a better person for myself well and my pets too :)

I challenge you to take one task you want to accomplish. Don't make it a huge task, start small. Break that task into the smallest steps. Work on the steps one at a time. Do this in wise mind with no judgments attached.

Also ask your doctor for referrals to self help groups, therapy, or a therapist. Tell them your issues and work with them on a treatment plan.

[LJDK]

Thanks guys and girls. I'm still struggling but absorbing your input. The medication is helping and also it turned out the girl who wanted to have casual sex, well it turns out when she found out about my issues we sort of formed a bond... or perhaps the start of a friendship.

She is also struggling with depression, and we decided sex isn't wise.
I have my goals... finish my exams and win a race. I will try and keep focused but so far I'm not getting anything done and I should allow myself 1 more month to feel sorry for myself at the most.

[joypulv]

I was truly puzzled by your claim that women only want sex. I wonder what planet you live on? Maybe this is an intergalactic site.

I mean really, where have you BEEN? Women the world over are the ones claiming it's MEN who only want sex. How many close relationships have you had with women?

I guess it's moot now, because this new person doesn't want sex, is depressed like you, is beautiful - just beware and take it slowly.
It's the most delicate high tightrope walk in the world, being glad to know someone and yet not leap in to the deep end (sorry for mixing metaphors) too soon. Be glad. And tell her to tell you if you are going too fast.

[Oliver2011]

"but so far im not getting anything done and i should allow myself 1 more month to feel sorry for myself at the most."

I don't agree. I think you should allow yourself 18 years, 7 months, 22 days, and 16 hours more to feel sorry for yourself. Only that way will you truly be miserable, which if you look at everything you have posted, must be your ultimate and only goal.

[LJDK]

I was truly puzzled by your claim that women only want sex. I wonder what planet you live on? Maybe this is an intergalactic site.

I mean really, where have you BEEN? Women the world over are the ones claiming it's MEN who only want sex. How many close relationships have you had with women?

I guess it's moot now, because this new person doesn't want sex, is depressed like you, is beautiful - just beware and take it slowly.
It's the most delicate high tightrope walk in the world, being glad to know someone and yet not leap in to the deep end (sorry for mixing metaphors) too soon. Be glad. And tell her to tell you if you are going too fast.

Thank you. I don't think anything more than friendship will ever happen. If we ever manage to foster a friendship.

I don't know. Perhaps I just meet all the damaged girls who just came out of relationship or is unhappy in their current relationship. Or perhaps its because I blatantly ask, hey do you want to have sex, and its surprising how many of them say yes.

I think the world has warped a little to be honest. Just 2 weeks ago a friend of my friend offered herself to me if I help her with a project. Its strange. So I'm not exaggerating. I think it's the city life... everyone is disconnected or perhaps just been hurt so many times they no longer value intimacy. I don't know.

And oliver. Truth is, healing is a process. One has to accept that there must be a period of feeling sorry for yourself. Since I accepted this fact I feel more capable of managing the emotions because I know soon it will pass.

[Oliver2011]

"And oliver. Truth is, healing is a process. One has to accept that there must be a period of feeling sorry for yourself. Since i accepted this fact i feel more capable of managing the emotions because i know soon it will pass."

Bull crappies! You know I don't live that way nor do I buy that. So you woke up this morning and said "I am going to feel sad today and feel sorry for myself." YUCK! That is a horrible way to start the day. I would rather wake up and tell myself that I am going to have a good day. And then I make it a good day.

[LJDK]

It doesn't work like that. You can tell yourself every single day I am going to have a good day... but that only lasts for so long. You see I came to realize its like reading a chapter in a book. This chapter was so good, that you can't stand reading the rest of the book. So you keep reading it over and over, even though it will never ever be the same again, you have to keep reading it until you are so sick and tired of it, that you are fully ready to enjoy the rest of the book.

Well it makes sense to me. But I did try that whole thing of telling myself I will have a great day. It works to a degree but its so draining that soon you are sucked into this hole of self despair without even realizing what's going on.

But if you just accepted that its part of the process, accepting it and allowing yourself to grieve, then the healing process will be quicker as opposed to acting tough.

My divorce was final 8Feb. That is 1 month, 1 week and a few days ago.
I do not expect to be happy already. Its 4 - 5 years of the perfect life, gone... ripped away and destroyed. I will get over it. But the time isn't right yet.

[Oliver2011]

You and I will agree to disagree, which means you stay sad and I stay happy. Personally I am okay with being happy.

[LJDK]

Lol, if you can get over a divorce in 1 month, then congrats. I cant.

[mogrann]

. I have given you good advice and I will be honest I was at the spot you are at. No matter what anyone tells you, you will stay where you are until YOU DECIDE to work on change.
It is up to you what you do in your life. It does not get better when you are willful. I am speaking from experience. I wish you good luck on whatever you decide to do.

I hope you see the main thought I am giving you: It is your choice what you do to get better or to stay as you are. No one can help you if you decide you want to stay there. You have all the choices in this matter.