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sadface · Dec 17, 2012, 03:05 AM

A pass was made on me by my husbands friend. I rejected him of course. Next day I told my husband and he opened up saying one of my gay friends made a pass at him few weeks ago! I was disgusted! And still am.

I want to confront both of them just by telling them we know and have told each other so don't mess with us!

My husband disagree's.

Should I go behind my husbands wishes? I don't think so, but why wouldn't my husband want to fight for me or not fight but let them know we know!

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Silver Lining · Dec 17, 2012, 03:15 AM

Either your hubby doesn't want a drama or he just lied about your gay fren making a pass at him,,
Confronting the other two or not,, either way, therez drama,,

I suggest you do nothing now, let it fade out. But if your hubbyz fren repeats this misbehavior, then SERIOUSLY, your hubby better take action,, if not, then you confront him while your hubby is present...

sadface · Dec 17, 2012, 03:18 AM

I want nothing to do with them both and my husband would not lie about my gay friend..

coachrollo · Dec 17, 2012, 08:15 AM

If no oen is hurt here and you both sound like your open a honest with each other. Let this one die out. If it happens again most definirtely say something. It sounds like you both are very honest with each other cherish that.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 17, 2012, 08:37 AM

You handled it by rebuffing him and mentioning it to your husband, there is no reason to say anything. If it happens again, your husband needs to put him in his place.

joypulv · Dec 17, 2012, 08:49 AM

You rejected the pass. End of it for now. Come back if it happens again, which it probably won't. I presume that your husband also rejected the pass he got. Same thing - let it go.

People are always testing others in little ways like this, and most of them try only once. Perhaps you are both attractive and very friendly and outgoing with others, and they just want to know what it might mean, and now they know.

Oliver2011 · Dec 17, 2012, 08:57 AM

Okay I am being naïve thinking all people think the way I do BUT what "friend" would make a pass at his "friend's" wife? That doesn't sound like a friend to me and not a friend that I would want.

Homegirl 50 · Dec 17, 2012, 09:01 AM

No I don't think a friend would do that bit not everyone thinks the way I do. You handled it and it probably will never happen again. Let it go.

sadface · Dec 18, 2012, 01:20 AM

That is how I reasoned it also.. NO friend would make a pass at anyone's partner mostly if they are very good friends. Same goes for my gay friend, I thought he was a good friend to me but I was wrong, he took advantage of a moment alone with my husband, and same goes for my husbands so called friend.

My only reasoning for telling these two 'friends' we know, so that they know NOT to mess with us because we are a strong couple and don't lie or keep secrets.. and then tell them BYE...

But my husband doesn't wish that, he just said lets forget them and ignore them

I deleted my gay friend off Facebook, deleted his contacts etc...
I wonder if he will ever message to ask me why?
Well, if he doesn't, its obvious why!

Silver Lining · Dec 18, 2012, 03:07 AM

Like Homegirl said,, Let It Go,,

If it happens again, talk to your husband,,

Oliver2011 · Dec 18, 2012, 05:13 AM

Originally Posted by sadface

i deleted my gay friend off Facebook, deleted his contacts etc...
I wonder if he will ever msg to ask me why?!
well, if he doesnt, its obvious why!

I don't see an issue with that and if he asks tell him the truth. But be ready for "Oh I was drunk" or "I was having a weak moment", etc. Was the proposition to your husband made as a joke or was it a serious proposition? It takes some serious kajobees for a gay person to proposition a straight guy let alone a married straight guy.

talaniman · Dec 18, 2012, 09:25 AM

While I undertand your anger, and your actions so far, you are building this into a bigger deal than what it should be. You have found that the friends you thought were friends were NOT. You move on and only make better friends. Life is full of incidents and best move beyond them after actions are taken.

Why hold on to this and keep the anger alive just to prove a point that has meaning just toyou? Obviously your husband has taken it in stride and moved beyond this himself. Follow his example.

sadface · Apr 26, 2013, 03:59 AM

I have been with my partner/husband for over 10 years... Last year one of his friends made a pass at me not once but 3 times... After a few weeks I packed up the strength to tell him. He was gutted, however till today he still speaks to this guy! It confuses me to say the least! I know if one of my friends did that to me I would not speak to them anymore.. Can someone kindly fill me in as to why my husband still speaks to this guy and occasionally they meet?? My husband never confronted him neither!
Thank you in advance

>Threads Merged<

sadface · Apr 26, 2013, 04:14 AM

Yet he still speaks to his so called friend that made a pass at me THREE times :(

Cat1864 · Apr 26, 2013, 05:08 AM

Originally Posted by sadface

Yet he still speaks to his so called friend that made a pass at me THREE times :(

When did the 'friend' make more passes? Was he serious or playing around trying to get a reaction? Some people do 'flirt' or 'make passes' just to mess with someone they see as uptight. Is he that type of person?

What was your husband's reaction when you told him about those incidents? Have you discussed the issue with him? I do not mean telling him and expecting him to challenge the 'friend' to a duel. But sat down and talked about it and listened to what each other has to say.

Are you worried that the 'friend' might do more than make a few passes? Is there concern that his behavior might escalate? That he might lie to your husband to cause trouble?

Are you concerned that your husband may start acting like the 'friend'?

Why should your husband 'fight' for you? That implies you think your husband isn't much of a man if he isn't protecting your honor or that he doesn't love you if he doesn't act like a stag in mating mating season defending his territory.

Does your love for your husband depend on how he reacts to something he may see as a minor irritation?

sadface · Apr 26, 2013, 05:23 AM

Because if A friend of mine made a pass on my man I would NOT ever talk to them again!
This friend found me alone pushed up against a wall and tried to kiss me!
My husband was quite upset but he said he trusts me.. which is great but I can't understand how on earth he seems OK to still talk to this guy who made a pass at his wife, its mind boggling and abit disrespectful to me that he still does :(

sadface · Apr 26, 2013, 05:24 AM

I don't see this guy anymore.. should I maybe start being OK with being around him just how my husband is?

I trust my husband not act like a jerk or flirt around..

Cat1864 · Apr 26, 2013, 05:45 AM

Originally Posted by sadface

Because if A friend of mine made a pass on my man i would NOT ever talk to them again!
This friend found me alone pushed up against a wall and tried to kiss me!
my husband was quite upset but he said he trusts me.. which is great but i can't understand how on earth he seems ok to still talk to this guy who made a pass at his wife, its mind boggling and abit disrespectful to me that he still does :(

Have you talked with your husband? Have you asked him?

He trusts you which is great. At this point, he may not understand that you do not trust the friend. I don't think he sees the situation the same way you do. Talk with him, if you haven't. Don't think in terms of disrespect, but do talk about boundaries and safety. You are two individuals and how you handle situations and people will be different. All you can do is communicate and find a compromise.

Pushing you up against a wall is an assault not a pass.

If you are concerned about this person's behavior then stay away from him.

sadface · Apr 26, 2013, 05:52 AM

Yes we did talk about it.. my husband says he lacks friends, and knew from day 1 what this guy was all about!

talaniman · Apr 26, 2013, 06:04 AM

Few woman understand the concept of keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. They prefer the emotional responses that make them feel good, safe and secure. Many are frustrated when they cannot see first hand their man standing up for them. He trusts you, and wants you to trust him to handle things but his own way. Its up to you to deal with your feelings and trust and have some faith.