[Homegirl 50]

Yes we did talk about it .. my husband says he lacks friends, and knew from day 1 what this guy was all about!

OK I find it a bit funky that your husband knows what his friend is about and has no problem with him pushing you against a wall and trying to get a kiss. I don't care how much he trust you, his friend was out of line and your husband should have stood up for you. He didn't make a pass he, assaulted you.

[talaniman]

Hopefully he pulled the guy aside and read him the riot act with the appropriate threats of physical violence that goes with his behavior. Or maybe he expects you to kick the guy in the nuts and be done with it.

[smoothy]

He might be speaking with him... but I quarantee you he no longer trusts him... or feels the same way about him.

He might also be viewing this from the perspective.of what he did was bad... but he didn't force a kiss on you or grope you... which would be a far more serious offense in most guys eyes... and if he had forces his hand under your skirt.. in your pants or under your shirt... thats a level of offense that would call for a severe beatdown to most guys.

Some guys would put a whoopingon them just for making a pass... particularly if they happened to see it...

This is just a wild guess... but it's a wild guess from a guys perspective...

Maybe he see's it as the guy did something that while inappropriate from any viewpoint... may not have been intended as it came across... (on the "friends end") and the possibility you might have read a bit more into it than was intended...

Like I said.. it was just a wild guess because I don't know the dynamics of everyone involved... what to some people might be innocent teasing... could to other people in another situation be taken as serious flirting or passes...

And that's from my own personal experiences... there are situations with a number of people I get very friendly with... (with my wife next to me).. and we all know each other well enough and are close enough we do it knowing its nothing serious... however if that happened with someone that wasn't quite as close... it could easily be taken as maken a pass or flirting. Sometimes that linebetween them isn't as clear as it should be...

An example... I can do that with my sister-in-laws... and we have for over 20 years... but we are all married and we are close enough we can do that... but if I did that with say... my neighbor... all kind of inappropriate flags would be flying...

SO long story short... he didn't blow it off... but that guy is on thin ice with him right now.

[Cat1864]

I have been with my partner/husband for over 10 years... Last year one of his friends made a pass at me not once but 3 times... After a few wks i packed up the strenght to tell him. He was gutted, however till today he still speaks to this guy! It confuses me to say the least! I know if one of my friends did that to me i would not speak to them anymore.. Can someone kindly fill me in as to why my husband still speaks to this guy and occassionally they meet?!?! My husband never confronted him neither!
Thank you in advance

>Threads Merged<

I should have looked for other threads on this subject earlier. Was it the next day or weeks later that you told your husband?

It does make a difference. If you were so upset you told him the next day, I would expect a different reaction than I would if you waited weeks to tell him.

[sadface]

Few woman understand the concept of keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. They prefer the emotional responses that make them feel good, safe and secure. Many are frustrated when they cannot see first hand their man standing up for them. He trusts you, and wants you to trust him to handle things but his own way. Its up to you to deal with your feelings and trust and have some faith.

Never thought of that.. keep your enemies closer!
Good call talaniman! Thanks

Just wondering whether I should be OK around this guy also? Or do as I am and keep my distance!

I should have looked for other threads on this subject earlier. Was it the next day or weeks later that you told your husband?

It does make a difference. If you were so upset you told him the next day, I would expect a different reaction than I would if you waited weeks to tell him.

After the 3rd incident I told him the next day, and then I also brought up the other times

OK I find it a bit funky that your husband knows what his friend is about and has no problem with him pushing you against a wall and trying to get a kiss. I don't care how much he trust you, his friend was out of line and your husband should have stood up for you. He didn't make a pass he, assaulted you.

He asked me if I wanted him to harm this guy and I said NO!

Like I said..it was just a wild guess because I don't know the dynamics of everyone involved...what to some people might be innocent teasing...could to other people in another situation be taken as serious flirting or passes....

This guy is just a pervert though, with a string of stripper type girlfriends and a big cheat!
Guess he has low self esteem!

[smoothy]

This guy is just a pervert though, with a string of stripper type girlfriends and a big cheat!
Guess he has low self esteem!

Guess that explains... "string of girlfriends"... none of them hung around very long once they got to know him. And they had low standards to begin with.

[Homegirl 50]

Sounds like he is a creep and I would just avoid him. A pass is one thing, to do it more than once is in poor taste and ought to be put in his place. He will mess the wrong man's wife one day and get his butt kicked.

[smoothy]

How does your husband know this guy... is he like a friend of a friend... someone he grew up with? Someone he workds with...

I think the other part of the answer to why he's still around is there...

[sadface]

How does your husband know this guy....is he like a friend of a friend...someone he grew up with? Someone he workds with...

I think the other part of the answer to why he's still around is there.....

My husband and this guy got to know one another about 2-3 yr ago through work! They became friends, and when I was introduced I could tell his type esp after comments such as why don't you have sister just like you :/

Sounds like he is a creep and I would just avoid him. A pass is one thing, to do it more than once is in poor taste and ought to be put in his place. He will mess the wrong man's wife one day and get his butt kicked.

I so agree!! Before my husband used to go out with him to bars / pubs etc... but after I spoke up and said the truth at least that don't happen anymore - and they just meet briefly for a beer after work!

He once tried to kiss me in our garden when my husband popped down the road to get us more beers! Disgusting!

[smoothy]

I see less reason for him to be around knowing that from a guys perspective... if they worked together... or grew up together... that would have been more of a reason to blow off a lot of things...

I'm guessing he is really on thin ice right now... or at least should be.

[JudyKayTee]

I'm not understanding the problem which apparently has been going on for months. Pushing someone up against a wall is not "making a pass." As has been said, it's an assault.

I don't understand the part where you require your husband to fight your battles. You tell the guy to keep his hands off you because next time you are calling the Police. Would I be in this guy's company? No. Do I think my friends have to be my significant other's friends? No.

Would I expect my husband/boyfriend to rip the guy's head off or take care of this for me? No. I'm quite capable of handling it myself.

I learned long ago that screaming at the top of your lungs, "Get your hands off me!" works like a charm.

On the other hand your husband is remarkably casual about this assault on your person. Is this the only time you've come to him to complain about being sexually harassed or is this a routine thing? Maybe he doesn't think it's the same big deal you think it is.

And, again, why can't you fight your own battles?

[smoothy]

I missed the pushing up against the wall part somehow... yes... that isn't a pass that's an assault.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't think she wanted her husband to fight her battles, I think she was upset because her husband did not seem to care that his "friend" did this and seemed so "no big deal" about it.

[JudyKayTee]

HG, I wonder why the husband just doesn't seem to care. Is "he made a pass at me" a regular occurrence?

[Homegirl 50]

Pushing her against the wall is hardly a pass and it seems to be the same man. Maybe she is just wanting him to have some reaction. I don't understand why he hasn't reacted.

[JudyKayTee]

I guess we are on different pages here.

If a woman made a pass at my husband I would expect him to take care of it, not coming running to me for help.

I don't understand what reaction the OP wants. She can't dictate her husband's friends. Maybe her husband's a jerk, just like his friend. I don't know.

I am troubled that this started with a "pass" being made, now it's 3 passes and a push into a wall.

Again - if a woman pushes my husband into a wall and tries to kiss him I trust he will take care of it. He doesn't need me to run interference, and it works the other way around.

I see this as a "why isn't my husband more jealous" issue rather than "why doesn't my husband do something" issue.

[Homegirl 50]

We are on different pages. If my husband had a friend who made a pass at me, I would handle it but if it happened again, I would say something to my husband like "you need to have a talk with your friend"
I guess it depends on the persons involved. My husband would have wanted to know if he had a friend who was repeatedly doing that.

[sadface]

I don't think she wanted her husband to fight her battles, I think she was upset because her husband did not seem to care that his "friend" did this and seemed so "no big deal" about it.

Exactly!

HG, I wonder why the husband just doesn't seem to care. Is "he made a pass at me" a regular occurrence?

Not at all!!

I don't want him to fight my battles.. I freely pushed the guy away and called him a jerk.. I just didn't think my husband would not say a word to him and still be 'pally' with the guy!

[talaniman]

Stop drinking with them, and if a beer run is necessary by your husband, he should take his friend too. INSIST on it. Separate yourself from your husband's business partner in all ways, and he will have NO opportunities for making passes at you.

You should have kicked him in the nuts the first time he acted inappropriately, and again if necessary, but doing nothing is always seen as a signal to keep doing more by a disrespectful jerk. Its been obvious for a long time you cannot join your husband when he mixes business, and pleasure. Telling your husband without some very clear instruction as to the outcome you want is another thing that muddies the waters as if I remember correctly he did ask what you wanted to do about it and this was not the first issue between you that has occurred and you have had a difference of approach to the situation. Indeed you do want your husband to fight for you, or at least make it an issue that he backs you up while fighting for you.

It's a conflict in the way you BOTH resolve your issues between you. I doubt he is ready to jeopardize his business because his partner is a jerk, so either you remove yourself from his dealings with this fellow all together, or stopping having him at your house.

Its clear your husbands friend/associate, is not YOURS also, so I favor removing yourself. Your husband has already said he trusts your judgment, so its up to you.

Maybe that's why he left you with this jerk and you failed to kick him in the nuts and handle your business properly. Ask him.

[Homegirl 50]

I am having a problem with why this is her fault. Her husband is IMO a wiener for not dealing with this man. But yes, you need to stay away from him and tell your husband to not bring him home. I would think a man, a husband would have the sense to do this anyway.