[A1r2f3h4]

Hello, I've read few posts on this site and have realized that my problems are not even worth sharing. But I don't have any motivation to figure out my future now, my attitude has become more harsh.

By harsh I mean I've started to use bad words whenever I get angry and scream. I've felt many changes in my personality.
I used to be a calm and nice person. I used to have good focus for my goals. I'm saying this because I remember my old behavior and hardworking attitude. I've always felt like my family is most important to me and I love them more than my friends or anyone from outside.

The reason behind change in my attitude is that I did not continue my education and I still can't because the part of world where I live is strict for their daughters. I can't go out by myself as my mom does not allows me to do so. So I'll need someone to drop me off to my university and market if I need to get anything. My father died when I was young and my mom has not answered me when I asked her to give me permission to go out by myself. Because if my mom allows me then I can go out by myself.

It may not look like a problem to go out with my brother or sister if I need something. But since I'm youngest among them, they treat me badly. Like, they'll tease me by saying I don't want to go because You didn't give something I asked earlier from you. Or you said something rude to me apologize to me first regarding that matter. Or I'm angry at you so I won't take you out. And with these excuses I'm left crying to myself as my mom does not get into our matters anymore. All she says is that I'm arrogant.

My older siblings and friends use harsh words when they get angry and Until this year I did not use those words as I never liked to use such language. My friend told me about an online site where I can compete in design contests and earn money. Now this is the only hope I see but I don't find any motivation or courage to practice the softwares I need to learn in order to start designing for the contests. I've lost my focus so I can't work hard for anything now.

I guess the reason is that I'm student of architecture and my semesters are freezed. Now next year will be 3rd year I've spent at home and not joining it back again. I want to continue architecture and stick to it. But the online design contest is for logo design or website designing. I feel like I'll lose my interest in architecture if I start to work for this contest. But problem is that, I can't join my university back with all the argues. Truthfully no one can focus on studies when they're upset about who will take me back home or who will take me to university. They have their own works to do so I end up waiting for them to do me the favor.

Architecture is not just theoretical subject it is more practical. You need to go for site visiting and get the site analysis for your project. I've tried to talk to my mom about it but she doesn't reply. Literally, no answer from her.

I've ended up running a blog of my own and a YouTube account to upload lyrics for new songs. I'm on Facebook and I'm watching dramas. But this is a complete waste of my time! Should I keep architecture as a side interest and focus on earning money to be independent? Should I practice on the sofwares to enter into design and logo contests?

Obviously, everything is at peace at home since I've freezed my semesters and not going out at all. Lol, not everything is at peace. My siblings still get into argues with each other but at least I'm not part of it anymore. This is too much embarrassing to share my personal issues so I hope someone will tell me to stop being so violent. I forgot to mention I've recently thrown things at wall after I got angry at someone. I strongly don't like fights or anything which involves violence. But I'm becoming like one.

English is not my first language so please forgive me for any mistakes. Also, please remove this post if it doesn't get any replies after two or three days.

[Wondergirl]

I cannot begin to imagine your frustration. I too am female and would resent so much being held back from studies and a career simply because I am female. (In fact, when I was younger, I wanted to become a Lutheran minister, was told that women cannot do this, but "please feel free to clean the church".)

How can you earn money to become independent? What does being independent mean? -- live elsewhere, move about freely, go to college?

How old are you?