[Megg]

Yea we may not know the whole situation, but this isn't like every other situation. It doesn't matter what one person thinks, the fact is its wrong to be with a married person. Yea some people do give advice, and should take their own, but I highly doubt that's the case in this case. Personally, to attack all these fine people as myself as well is rude. Your clearly not listening to the converstaion. This is a very touchy subject thus it's unlike a lot of other's. There's a difference between fact and fiction. Fact is we are trying to convey that its wrong to be in this type of relationship, the fictitious part is that were judging. Were judging no one. Before you come here and post rude remarks or completely insane and judgmental (yes you're a hypocrite) remarks think first.

[kp2171]

Some of you are really sick. You can't get the full understanding of a situation by reading a few lines. You don't really know until you have been in that situatiion.

So your "solution" is to tell everyone who willingly comes here for an outsiders perspective that "gee... we arent you so we really can't give you the advice you came here for. heres some milk and a cookie. good luck with that."

I don't have to be standing in the middle of a fire to know that its probably a crappy idea.

Our society tells people to follow what is in their heart and when they do you call them a low life.

Ah. All or nothing. If a person has pedophile fantasies they should "follow their heart", since the heart, and not reason, is the measuring stick for action. Perfect.

A man desires money, that's his real drive in life. He exploits an elderly person by falsely befriending him for cash. The elderly person gives the money willingly, depleting the financial reserves. The man has done nothing illegal and has followed his desires. Who gives a damn? He followed what was important to him?

I know the hearts of man... You can't judge me becaue you too are man. I am what I am and thats all that I am if you don't like me then I really don't give a Damn.

Ah. So you can judge others as being sick. But hands off you. This is like 5th great debate crap.

Yes. We can judge. We can be right. We can be wrong. There can be many answers. If a person comes here wanting a pat on the back they should not ask for opinions about their situation.

The imperfect can't judge the imperfect? Uh. Hmmm... yeah, you are right. Lets all just go do whatever we feel like without regard to those who trust us and love us. Teach that to your son. Then wonder why he's so screwed up. But don't post here. Well probably tell you that you screwed up and not give you the warm cup o' coaco you want.

Read enough threads here and you'll see a general opinion that if a married person wants to have a relationship with one outside the marriage, that the person should respect the spouse by leaving the marriage. Cheating at will is a lousy foundation for a long term relationship.

You want to call us sick for that? Sure. Your choice. Your opinion should be voiced as part of the AMHD community. But your chastising the majority for stating what THEY think is the real hypocrisy.

[kp2171]

My brother in law has lived his life by his impulses.

He has cheated on his wife many times. He has done drugs many times. He loses jobs because he doesn't feel like being tied down.

The cost of his selfishness is his marriage, two homes lost, loss of his children through an awful divorce. The man is one bad accident away from living in poverty even though he is one of the more talented guys I know. All because he primarily follows his desires without reason.

And he owns none of the responsibility. He doesn't see that his crappy choices are what has led him to where he is. He sees his ex wife as evil because she wanted a faithful husband. Every employer who ever gave him a chance is a controlling a$$. He is a man who lives his life thinking that life and others have let him down. Others have failed him. Society has failed him.

I've seen first hand what following your heart without regard for others can do.

Good luck with that.

[talaniman]

Following your heart without the voice of reason is a disaster waiting to happen. Cheating is selfish, plain and simple, and shows a disregard for the well being of wife and family. Follow your heart right to hell. What a lame excuse for doing the wrong thing!!

[Morganite]

i am in love with a married man...everything is special...he is that "something that u wait all your life"...and it was never about sex or having fun with a married man...and i think is the same thing with him...i know in a way that what i am doing is wrong but something is pushing me to continue...i can't stay away from him...this situation is hard for both of us and i try to understand him ...i don't wanna stop because is against moral rules..where is pure love it can't be wrong in front of God so i should think about what everybody thinks? ...what do u think about him? he will fight for me or he will give up on me because of the pressure of what will be in the future and what harm he will do to all the people in his life, or what the others will say, that he will be judge? i am not sure of nothing in this moment...al i know is that he is "the special one in my life and that i don't nedd nobody else but him"...

No sensoible person waits for a married man all their lives. Get out of this before you cause untild damage to the innocent party - his cuckolded wife! You might convince yourself that this is pure moral love and approved by God, but if so you need your eyes peeling and your heart needs a tune up. There is nothing moral about chasing a married person and there is nothing 'pure' about it either. You are merely his toy, plaything, sex object, trophy, and his wife is the one cleaning his dirty socks and underwear, picking up after him, and being treated like dirt. What is moral and pure about that?

Time for you to grow up, stop cheating and home-breaking, and time for him to get his morality relined and updated. There is nothing good in this situation, and nothing good will come out of it.

Get out now.


M:)RGANITE

[Morganite]

Following your heart without the voice of reason is a disaster waiting to happen. Cheating is selfish, plain and simple, and shows a disregard for the well being of wife and family. Follow your heart right to hell. What a lame excuse for doing the wrong thing!!

Agree 101%

[Morganite]

Some of you are really sick. You can't get the full understanding of a situation by reading a few lines. You don't really know until you have been in that situatiion. I felt like some of you until I saw myself in the stituation. Our society tells people to follow what is in their heart and when they do you call them a low life. What gives. I'm going to contiue to live my life becsue that that is exactly what it is my gotdamn life. I heard that the man that had the largest amout of criticism for president clinton was having a full fledge affair of his own. I know the hearts of man. I know that you are here telling people how bad they are but probabably sleeping with many married people or little people at the same. I can't judge a man because I'm only a man myself. You can't judge me becaue you too are man. I am what I am and thats all that I am if you don't like me then I really don't give a Damn.

I'd rather be called sick by you than be a stinking cheating adulterer who is robbing a wife of a husband and a chance of happiness. If that's your world and society then you are welcome to it, but don't ever try to pass it off as normative or acceptable because it is neither.

Listen hard: If someone says she is playing around with a married man, what more is there to understand? If someone asks about the morality of the situation, how hard is it to get a handle on unless you have no morality?

You can choose to live your life any way you want to, and so can the questioner, but the difference is that the questioner came here and asked about what she was doing. She then gets advice in varying kinds from a series of volunteers, and you have the effrontery to complain and moan about it. I doubt that you know the hearts of men, or that you even know your own heart if you cannot understand the questioner's questions and the answers she has been freely given.

Ranting at her advisers is supposed to help --- how?

[chuff]

Some of you are really sick. You can't get the full understanding of a situation by reading a few lines. You don't really know until you have been in that situatiion. I felt like some of you until I saw myself in the stituation. Our society tells people to follow what is in their heart and when they do you call them a low life. What gives. I'm going to contiue to live my life becsue that that is exactly what it is my gotdamn life. I heard that the man that had the largest amout of criticism for president clinton was having a full fledge affair of his own. I know the hearts of man. I know that you are here telling people how bad they are but probabably sleeping with many married people or little people at the same. I can't judge a man because I'm only a man myself. You can't judge me becaue you too are man. I am what I am and thats all that I am if you don't like me then I really don't give a Damn.

The OP brought God into this as an excuse to have and continue an affair. The fact that she hasn't come back speaks to the fact that she can't even face her own truth. Just because Clinton and Gingrich have affairs doesn't make it right for anybody else. If you think Clinton was even criticised for having an affair you missed the whole point, as it was common knowledge he had affairs long before he was President.

What I really find fansinating was your hyprocrasy. You say you can't judge a man because you are a man? Really? Yet you called some of us sick? So you did judge us after all. So were you not judging or do you get a free pass when you disobey one of your own beliefs? I stand in your judgement.

[momincali]

You know that there is nothing stopping him from divorcing his wife. He has no conscience, if he did, he wouldn't have cheated. There is nothing stopping him, so he must want to stay married to her. What does that mean for you? Simple, he's using you, like a rag. You have only entertainment value to him, no matter what he says to you. Remember, he has to be a good liar, he's lying to his wife really well, he's an expert. Go find your self-dignity and leave this person, let him try and repair things with his wife, that's the right thing to do.

[momincali]

So, then the people who follow their heart cause their heart is saying molest that little girl shouldn't be judged because they are following their heart, and what the heck, who should be denied their life's desires right?

And we're sick??

How about following morality, ethics, human kindness, faithfulness, loyalty, how about that?? How about doing the right thing EVEN IF it's hard. I feel like slapping the heck out of anybody who thinks that they are entitled to act on their hearts desires cause they're entitled to... but I won't cause I don't have to give into all of my urges and wants. It's called self-control, and if you don't have it, or can't excersize it, ( which most normal people can) then you should just not get out of bed or leave your house until you can.

[louie1]

Snap I am in the same boat honey!

Thing is I am now going through divorce proceedings and he is still going home to his family at weekends.We have been seeing each other for a year and drive each other to distraction with the depth of our feelings.I cannot ansa why he has not drummed up the courage to leave but it is one excuse after another, his son is taking his exams, his wife is ill.We have both lost people over the last year and to me that should tell us that life is too short but he still stumbles.I know that I will eventually give up hope and probably just at the time he is ready to commit, we also have a 13 year age gap which makes it difficult as his wife has convinced him I will leave him as he gets older.

What will be will be live each day as if it were your last and enjoy/ absorb every second you get together it is very rare to experience a love that drives you to so much distraction.

My man gave me an analogy the other day which moved me to tears I shall share it with you as it might help,


When he and I came back to the uk from our week in the states we decided to go for a swim, problem was we stood at the edge of the pool and realised that neither of us could, eventually I pluck up the courage and jump in the pool ( this is when I asked my husband to leave) I splash around as I cannot swim ( the struggle of the divorce) all the while my new man stands at the side of the pool ( stunned at the affect our relationship is having on others) I eventually learn to swim and swim to the other end of the pool , he stands at the edge in pure pain watching me swim away ( the feeling of uselessness as he cannot heal the pain my family are feeling at being torn apart) eventually I climb out of the pool and walk away, he writhing with pain at being so far away jumps into the pool and instantly swims , panicking at every stroke as he reaches the other end I am gone!


Good luck with all you do but sadly I fear we will both be let down.

[talaniman]

good luck with all you do but sadly I fear we will both be let down.

You won't be alone as all who's lives you have torn apart will be in the same boat, Its called poetic justice, and you deserve all the grief you get. You are following your heart straight to hell.

[momincali]

Poetic justice indeed, ain't no amount of sunscreen going to help them!

[smoothy]

He's married... let it drop. If He does by any chance leave her for you what's to stop him from doing it again with you. Put yourself in his wife's position... you know you could be there at some point if you pursue this all the way. Not easy to do, it will be painful, but messing around with married people is nearly always going to get ugly. Men or women.