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kaitou · Mar 14, 2007, 01:44 PM

I don't know if this question belong to this forum. But I really don't know where to ask. I have a friend that I see about twice every week, and every time I see him he would ask about my ex who dumped me. Which is weird, because

a) I don't talk to my ex,
b) I hardly EVER see my ex, because he tend to skip any class I have with him
c) it's been a long while since I brought up the topic of "my ex" to that friend.

I don't know if it's the way I talk that prompts him to bring up my ex as a respond, but I don't think so.. because sometimes he starts our conversation by asking me if my ex showed up in class. In fact, I don't think I ever brought up topic that slightly related to relationship or anything. Yet, he would tease me about my ex sometimes out of no where. If he's still concern about me not getting over my ex, couldn't he think of other ways to cheer me up. Reminding me of how my ex hurt me or how bad he is doesn't really make me feel better.

But like our conversation about my ex is usually only about 3 or 4 sentences, because of my short response, and he doesn't keep asking. Maybe it's just a habit?

I mean people notice that I've gone back to normal, and is pretty happy. So next time he bring up my ex should I ask him why he always bring it up? And tell him I'm all right? And to stop bringing my ex up? How could I say it without sounding mean?

shygrneyzs · Mar 14, 2007, 01:55 PM

Have you simply asked him not to bring up your "ex" in any conversation he has with you? Ask him, out of respect for you, not to keep bringing this guy into the conversations. I would answer someone who asked me that, "I do not know, go ask him yourself" and I would have no problems saying that if he continues to ask about the ex, then I am leaving the conversation. I do not think that would be rude - rather it is insensitive for someone to keep asking about one's ex.

kaitou · Mar 14, 2007, 02:05 PM

Well he doesn't ask about my ex, but like how I feel about my break up now sort of thing.

shygrneyzs · Mar 14, 2007, 02:09 PM

I understand that now, but it is okay to tell him that any more questions like that are just not what you want to hear anymore. Thank him for his concern and say something like how you appreciate his friendship through this but that you really feel ready to move past the ex and get back into life. It may relieve him also - not being sure how or what to say. Find other topics of interest. He sounds like a good friend, we can never have too many of those. Good luck.

chuff · Mar 14, 2007, 02:16 PM

Tell him firmly "Dude, I've moved on, you should too."

kaitou · Mar 14, 2007, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Tell him firmly "Dude, I've moved on, you should too."

LOL... I think I might say that, and have a good laugh with him

chuff · Mar 14, 2007, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by kaitou

LOL... i think i might say that, and have a good laugh with him

I think it's a good thing to say. It's not overly pushy about what your saying but it gets the point across.

confuzedgirl · Mar 14, 2007, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by kaitou

I don't know if this question belong to this forum. But i really don't know where to ask. I have a friend that i see about twice every week, and everytime i see him he would ask about my ex who dumped me. Which is weird, because

a) i don't talk to my ex,
b) i hardly EVER see my ex, because he tend to skip any class i have with him
c) it's been a long while since i brought up the topic of "my ex" to that friend.

I don't know if it's the way i talk that prompts him to bring up my ex as a respond, but i don't think so..because sometimes he starts our convo by asking me if my ex showed up in class. In fact, i don't think i ever brought up topic that slightly related to relationship or anything. Yet, he would tease me about my ex sometimes out of no where. If he's still concern about me not getting over my ex, couldn't he think of other ways to cheer me up. Reminding me of how my ex hurt me or how bad he is doesn't really make me feel better.

But like our convo about my ex is usually only about 3 or 4 sentences, because of my short response, and he doesnt keep asking. Maybe it's just a habit?

I mean people notice that i've gone back to normal, and is pretty happy. So next time he bring up my ex should i ask him why he always bring it up? And tell him i'm alright? and to stop bringing my ex up? How could i say it without sounding mean?

Y don't u ask the guy who always brings yo ex up to stop talking about it tell him you ave moved on and don't like to talk about them and it's all in the past... and all guys are like that

chuff · Mar 14, 2007, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by confuzedgirl

y dont u jus ask the guy who always brings yo ex up to stop talkin about it tell him u ave moved on and dont like to talk about em and it's all in the past.... and all guys are like that

All guys are not like that. In fact most guys are the exact opposite of that.

kaitou · Mar 14, 2007, 03:06 PM

Thanks for all your help :)

Next time he brings it up, I'll say what chuff suggested, I know we'll both burst out laughing LOL.

I think it's partly my fault, I was always venting when I first broke up to him (I was just so sad, and couln't help it), maybe he got used to it LOL, and find its odd that I don't vent anymore. I stopped venting partly because I got over my ex, and partly because I felt bad and didn't want to annoy him anymore.

Skell · Mar 14, 2007, 03:11 PM

Perhaps is just concerned or genuinly wants to help and this is his warped way of doing it. I know it sounds weird but some people aren't sure how to deal with people when they are going through something like a break up. Asking silly questions and saying stupid things is sometimes there way of trying to help. As silly as it sounds.

I still, after 12 months will get the occasional friend (and I mean the type of friend you run into every now and then) that asks about my ex and how I'm doing. How she is doing. Do I talk to her. Is she happy. That they have seen her here and there etc etc.

Just be up front and honest with him and say that when your talking to him from now on you'd prefer not to talk about the ex because you have moved on and have a lot better things to talk about with him than your ex.

Basically what chuff said! ;)

kp2171 · Mar 14, 2007, 03:23 PM

and tell him that if he's THAT interested in your ex you can give him his digits. =)

smknudse · Nov 29, 2007, 10:26 PM

Originally Posted by kaitou

I don't know if this question belong to this forum. But i really don't know where to ask. I have a friend that i see about twice every week, and everytime i see him he would ask about my ex who dumped me. Which is weird, because

a) i don't talk to my ex,
b) i hardly EVER see my ex, because he tend to skip any class i have with him
c) it's been a long while since i brought up the topic of "my ex" to that friend.

I don't know if it's the way i talk that prompts him to bring up my ex as a respond, but i don't think so..because sometimes he starts our convo by asking me if my ex showed up in class. In fact, i don't think i ever brought up topic that slightly related to relationship or anything. Yet, he would tease me about my ex sometimes out of no where. If he's still concern about me not getting over my ex, couldn't he think of other ways to cheer me up. Reminding me of how my ex hurt me or how bad he is doesn't really make me feel better.

But like our convo about my ex is usually only about 3 or 4 sentences, because of my short response, and he doesnt keep asking. Maybe it's just a habit?

I mean people notice that i've gone back to normal, and is pretty happy. So next time he bring up my ex should i ask him why he always bring it up? And tell him i'm alright? and to stop bringing my ex up? How could i say it without sounding mean?

well just be straight up with him and it doesn't nessicarily have to be mean. You can just ask him in a casual way. just say "hey look, i was just wondering why you bring up my ex?" or you can say it in a joking way. Im sure he would understand. tell him how you feel and that it kinda bothers you when he brings it up!
hope this helps some : )

kp2171 · Nov 30, 2007, 09:29 AM

Hey smknudse,

The original post for this topic was in march, over 8 mo ago and the OP hasn't brought it back up since... which might mean the topic is so far over and done that more posts might just be reviving a "dead" thread that isn't relevant anymore.

Its common for new members to do this a few times before they start watching the OP date versus the last time the person commented on the thread. Again... not saying your point wasn't dead on... just watch the dates before you spend a lot of time on a thread that is ancient history. Sometimes its worth reviving a thread, sometimes its better to let 'em die out.

Hate it when I forget to look at the dates and I spend ten minutes on a post that the original poster hasn't visited in months and is clearly not watching.

Chery · Nov 30, 2007, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by kaitou

thanks for all your help :)

Next time he brings it up, i'll say what chuff suggested, i know we'll both burst out laughing LOL.

I think it's partly my fault, i was always venting when i first broke up to him (i was just so sad, and couln't help it), maybe he got used to it LOL, and find its odd that i don't vent anymore. I stopped venting partly coz i got over my ex, and partly coz i felt bad and didnt wanna annoy him anymore.

Dear, if you like this guy, tell him that you are glad you met him at the right time and that he helped you get over your ex. Also make darned sure, deep inside, that you are not using him on the rebound.

If you see this relationship going somewhere, tell him so, and reassure him that he is not your 'second choice'. That way he's reassured and can go on from there and will most likely stop asking.

And yes, then have a good laugh as Chuff said.

kiki_doki · Nov 30, 2007, 02:09 PM

Originally Posted by chuff

Tell him firmly "Dude, I've moved on, you should too."

Chuff you are a Don, by name and by nature... chuffing good fun!!
Just to clarify I don't think there is anything more you can say to these bizarre ritualistic questions!

Although, when I was at school there was this one guy who was sweet (but didn't like, like that) he would ask me the same bloody (chuffing.. he he) question everyday( I had seen him when I was buying shoes with my mum, so the question was something like... "are you shoes still comfy?" and I had to just switch on him.. which in hindsight wasn't nice. So I think it may be that he's nervous and want to talk to you but feels the only subject he can hold you attention on is your ex... so next time you could change the subject after you tell him the above just to let him know that you are open to having conversations with you.