[Geektwist]

She usually does get pretty defensive and tries to avoid drama at all cost. I have a feeling if I bring it up I'll get, "I don't want to talk about it". Can't be sure unless I ask though right? So maybe someone needs to define Bisexual to me. In my mind it's not Bi unless you would commit to that person, maybe my views are a little skewed on this matter.

[Geektwist]

You do need to talk and clarify your understanding of the important things she is telling you and more importantly how this will impact the relationship. I also think she is bi-sexual, enjoys sex with both sexes and is not experimenting but already knows what she likes. Whether or not you can find a position in this that you are comfortable with is up to you. She is asking upfront for your permission to be with other females, and thats good but she has openly shown that she will not hide whatever she does. It is your best interest to hold an honest conversation to clear up any confusion about your feelings. She is not confused at all. What you consider cheating, she considers it fun. Talk and listen and make her aware of your honest feelings.

That's what I plan on doing now. I'm going to see her this weekend, going to an Italian festival so I'll be spending a good deal of time with her and her family. I think I might be able to squeeze in this conversation one night Thanks again for your input Talan.

[KHINKLE]

My girlfriend admitted to me that she liked to have sex with girls, she said it was just fun, that she would never date a girl. When she told me this I really didn't think much of it at the time.
The other night she asked if it would be ok with me if she had sex with a girl that night. I was shocked and I'm guessing the look on my face was quite a sad one. She rolled her eyes and said "forget it".

We're both 22, still young, but adults. We've told eachother we're exclusive to eachother, we've even both told the other we love the other. I want her to be 100% happy with me, but I honestly have no idea how to ask her to explain her views to me so I can understand, or how to let her see it from my shoes.

In my eyes it's cheating. Just Because they are the same sex doesn't make it not sex. right? If I wanted to have sex with another guy, I'm sure she wouldn't like that idea(not that it would happen, just making a point). If the fact is that she can have sex with girls w/o emotion, does this mean she can do the same with guys? Is this something I should worry about?

Any help on this topic would be great. I can't get it off my mind. =\

You should be thankful that its not another guy! :)

[Geektwist]

I'm trying to separate the difference in her having sex with a guy and having sex with a girl. What makes them so different besides penetration?

[manimuth]

In my mind it's not Bi unless you would commit to that person, maybe my views are a little skewed on this matter.

Commit to which person? A bisexual is a person who is attracted to both males and females. A bisexual person can fall in love and commit to either a man or a woman.

Maybe you are talking about someone who is homosexual and is still in the closet? And then you would consider them gay when they come out of the closet and commit to the other sex?

I'm not sure what the confusion is. :confused: :)

[manimuth]

She usually does get pretty defensive and tries to avoid drama at all cost. I have a feeling if I bring it up I'll get, "I don't want to talk about it". Can't be sure unless I ask though right?

Exactly, Geektwist,
This has obviously been bothering you, so you need to let her know. Try your best to stay calm and clear so she has no reason to get dramatic. I wish you goodluck.

[Geektwist]

She has told me that she would NEVER be with another girl. Her words, from what I can remember. "I would never date a girl, I just like to f*$% them every now and then."

That's why I'm saying it doesn't sound to me like she's Bi considering she wouldn't ever be with a girl.

[manimuth]

She has told me that she would NEVER be with another girl. Her words, from what I can remember. "I would never date a girl, I just like to f*$% them every now and then."
That's why I'm saying it doesn't sound to me like she's Bi considering she wouldn't ever be with a girl.

She is sexually attracted to girls and to guys = she is bisexual.
Its her own preference if she does not want to date a girl or fall in love with one or even commit to a girl. I guess this makes her different from a lesbian (a homosexual).
But, from what you are telling me, she has had sex with girls before (more than once) and she would like to have sex with girls. And since I am assuming that she also has an active sex life with you and is attracted to you, she is attracted to men as well as women. (Is she attracted to men other than you?) This is what makes her a bisexual.

Again, I don't think this attraction to women has anything to do with being in a committed relationship with you.

[Geektwist]

She is sexually attracted to girls and to guys = she is bisexual.
Its her own preference if she does not want to date a girl or fall in love with one or even commit to a girl. I guess this makes her different from a lesbian (a homosexual).
But, from what you are telling me, she has had sex with girls before (more than once) and she would like to have sex with girls. And since I am assuming that she also has an active sex life with you and is attracted to you, she is attracted to men as well as women. (Is she attracted to men other than you?) This is what makes her a bisexual.

Again, I don't think this attraction to women has anything to do with being in a committed relationship with you.

If you're asking if she's liked other guys, yes. Right now I'm assuming she doesn't want to be with anyone else and isn't attracted to anyone else. She's not an emotional person at all, so when she told me she loved me it hit hard and I know it had meaning behind it. She even told one of my closest friends.

So before I talk to her, I know it's mostly on me, but how should I take it? Should I let her have her fun, as I'm pretty sure I'll be in the know every time it happens, and like you said Manimuth, I will probably be able to join in on occasion. It could strengthen the relationship, if I can find a way to not be jealous. The only thing I've got right now is that I know at the end of the night she'll still end up in my arms.

[manimuth]

Geektwist,
I don't doubt her love for you. And one person cannot meet all the needs of a person. As long as there is trust, communication, and love, there shouldn't be any reason for you to worry. Communicate and set the parameters. Let her know immediately if you feel hurt or left out or jealous. Show her that you trust her and that you love her. But make sure that you also feel loved and cared for. Good luck and have fun at the festival!

[Geektwist]

Thanks a ton. I'll be sure to post back after this weekend and let you know how things went.

[Ash123]

Gay is the new straight :-)

Women are jumping into bed with women these days like it's the last refuge on earth.
Some guys can handle it. Some can't. I think if you can handle it. Let her and tell her to PLEASE bring one HOME FOR YOU!! This is a pure FUN GIRL. RECREATION NOT A VOCATION.

ON THE OTHER HAND..

Can you handle that?? It is cheating. But many guys think it's so hot they let it slide - and they know those girls are usually not the ones they're going to be serious about.

SO, If the whole thing makes you jealous and confused, find someone else. Otherwise, you are not being yourself, and she is controlling you, and eventually she will be turned off by your weakened position.

Dude, you ain't marryin' this girl. The world's your oyster.

DO what YOU Want.

I do not like the fact that she said "forget it" when you actually showed some emotion.
How was her ubringing? Trouble at home? How were emotions with dad?
She sounds a bit.. damaged.

**A buddy of mine had the same experience and he was MARRIED. She was more straight than gay, but liked to "feel good" and said it was "only sex" - a few 3-ways later they're divored now.

[noodels]

Dude take them both I wish my girlfriend like that stuff

[Sdjosh]

Here is my take on this.

This is a relationship right? One where 2 people are committed to each other? Then how could this not be considered cheating? It doesn't matter with which sex it is. I have to admit that she has some balls coming up to you and asking if she can cheat on you.

If I were you... and this is just my opinion... No would be my answer. No I'm not going to consent to you cheating on me... no I'm not going to allow you to walk all over me and our commitment to each other... no I'm not going allow to emotionally mind F**k me.

If she truly loves you then she will not do this. If she does it anyway... tell her to take a hike.

How could you trust someone that wants to sleep with someone else?

[Kattalover]

I think it says something for your relationship that she felt comfortable enough to tell you about this - and to ASK you. If your answer is no, I hope she'll respect it!

[Sdjosh]

Im curious too. What she says and how she reacts will tell you a lot about how she really feels about it.

But at the end of the day, what ever the reason, it is still cheating.

[landomando]

This relationship is not about you. You want to be the person she thinks about not some other person. If she is not satisfied with being with you. You need to end it. If this is a long distance relationship and your saying its okay to hook up with other girls what's going to stop her from hooking up with another guy when your not there.. But seriously I'm honestly imppresed it seems like you are able to trust her enough to not do this when you aren't there because if this was my girlfriend I would be freaking out every day every night 24/7.

[Synnen]

This thread is 4 years old. I'm sure that they have resolved this long ago.

Please watch dates when responding.