[cshaa]

My dad is a very violent man. He's 55, spends his salary lavishly on himself, spares little for family. Doesn't own a house in 25 year marriage. Not respected by neighbor or relatives.

Currently he fights daily with his stingy mother over wealth share. Uses wife's name for covering up his intention of packing off his mother or his own time-waste activities. He has no job but gets monthly salary from govt. NO job seems to be cause of his madness, not in a position to engage himself in proper activity.

More madness, more greed, more self-centeredness. We are praying for his normalcy and less aggressive nature. Can't take him to a psychologist but suspect passive-aggressive mindset.

Somebody got to take authority of him and be kept under some fear or discipline.
Please help my mother. Breaking up may not be solution its only social embarrassment.

[Wondergirl]

And your mother isn't socially embarrassed by him now?

[cshaa]

Yes but Do not say leave hi house and things will set right.
He may emotionally blackmail n embarrass my mom.

[Wondergirl]

yes but Do not say leave hi house and things will set right.
He may emotionally blackmail n embarrass my mom.

There have been 25 years to set things right. Yes, she is afraid of him, emotionally and even physically, isn't she.

What country/culture is this?

[talaniman]

It is better to build a life away from this person and maybe be embarrassed than be subject to his abuses and agenda, and more unhappiness.

Your mom has a decision to make since 25 years have not gotten the results she wants. Nor will she if it continues that his actions and behavior have had no other consequences other than her unhappiness.

Why would he change if he gets away with his abusive selfish behavior? He obviously doesn't care what your mother or anyone else thinks of him, so leaving could be no more embarrassing than staying. It may bring her peace, or change she needs to be happy.

She may need a lot of help to stand against him, more than just you, to even to make a decision on a better course of action than just enduring his abuse. I understand its not an easy thing to do. Find her some help, either family (hers), government, or some advocate that has her best interest at heart.

It's a big task, don't be discouraged when it seems to be overwhelming. I also strongly suggest that YOU divorce yourself from people who don't want help, be it your father, or mother, because indeed you cannot help those who don't want it, and should seek to make yourself healthy, because if you are not, you cannot help anyone, not even YOURSELF.

Never know, you may have to be strong and independent to help your mom if she did want to leave your dad.

Good Luck.