[deanman]

Hey guys,


I'm trying to get some second opinions here.

I know this girl for about 2 years, and I've liked her a lot until I eventually started to gain feelings.
We are really good friends.

One day she broke with her boyfriend and after some days she asked me who I liked and after some pushing I eventually said it was her, she had no idea.

She got confused, yet she was semi-happy because she knows she has no future with her boyfriend. (for some reasons such as he might go to jail cause of his "activities" and its just bad for her)

Her relationship with the boyfriend is bad.
Even though they are together for 8 years, the main reason is because they have a kid, so she just decided to "settle down" with him, even though he cheats on her, and she knows it and confronted him.
She is not happy with him, she told me, yet she still has feelings for him, although its really fading away, but to be honest they just keep the relationship as a "STATUS" to other persons and family.

They got back together after 1 week I told her I liked her, so Eventually I knew I had to stop liking her, and I knew I never had any chances.

I didn't hope anything from her and that I did respect her relationship, I said to her I didn't like her anymore after some months because I've learned to forget her and to hide my feelings, I didn't lie but I didn't said the truth, thing is, it was buried, so one day she wanted to talk personally to me and we've met and we had a big talk and she wants to take things forward but slowly.

She is confused about everything but she likes being around me etc, but I really understand what she is going through because making a decision like this is going to probably her life more than what it is right now.

The boyfriend is kind of jealous type and he has a big "army" of deadly friends lol, I know this is a not a movie, but its true, he knows always where she is if she is on the street.
I know I'm stepping on the deadly zone here, but I really like her, and she enjoys being around me, even though she does not want to cheat on him.

So, I know she is the one that needs to make a decision about this, but its hard cause even if she leaves him, she will be haunted forever by his friends and he will still be the DAD's kid.

Not to mention myself, I will probably get beaten when they find out she has a new boyfriend.

Any opinions, commentaries here?
I would appreciate.

[Homegirl 50]

As long as she is with this guy you need to stay away from her. When and if she is truly ready to leave, she will. In the meantime, tell her to leave you alone. Don't let her use you as a sounding board or a rebound. This is a drama waiting to happen.

[deanman]

What if she is not sure about what decision to make because she wants to know for sure that I am the right person for her, because, when she leaves him, its going to be hell on earth for her, so maybe she wants to know how much she can get attached to me and if its really worth moving on?

[Homegirl 50]

It is a foolish thing to go from one relationship to another, to see if she can get attached to you. If she leaves this guy, it should be because she is tired of him and the relationship and she wants out. Then she needs time to heal from it. Didn't she leave him once and go back to him?
How old is this young lady? You need to leave her alone.

[deanman]

She's 22.

I understand what you mean though... Thing is, how can she leave him just cause she is tired? Because she told me she, she obviously does not accept cheating well, but social issues and her kid, makes they stick together.
Perhaps if she has another reason to fight for, she will in time?

She sent me a letter some time ago saying, "I never though anyone else would like me, I always wanted to marry and I know it won't happen with him, even though I have feelings for him, we are alot different from each other, and i keep liking him less and less because of his behaviour to me..." ETCETC...

Just so we're clear, they barely can call themselves boyfriends anymore, I can only guess, but what I do know is that they don't live together, they are together like 2 days max per week and its almost all just to see her kid and sometimes he just doesn't come at all for weeks not even for the kid.

I still understand what you mean, relationships are 1on1, I shouldn't be trying to add another 1 there, I don't want to remove as well, its got to be her to do it, but I just feel she could be happier, and I'm sure she feels that as well for even talking to me in a personal way and saying she likes to be around me.

[Homegirl 50]

There are plenty of people who have a child together but they both have are relationship with someone else. As long as he is called her boyfriend, that is what he is.
When she is ready to end that relationship she will. Until then you need to leave her alone