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jojo6590 · Nov 24, 2012, 12:06 PM

Hi everyone!
Here's the story: I have just come out of a painful relationship with my ex... I had a really tough time because of my ex boyfriend. OK it was over some weeks ago... I went to a party with another friend to think about something else and change my mind. I stumble upon a guy that I met through that friend. The partying with their group was great, we were talking and joking, it ended up at some bar, I was almost drunk, my friend suggested to look for a cab to take me back home, no cab available as it was really late. So the guy mentioned above suggested to take us to his home the closest one to the bar. I said OK as I had no choice, my friend too agreed. So we all went back to his place, his bedroom was underground, my friend took that bedroom, I wanted to sleep on a chair, the guy insisted that I share his bed... Ok, we ended up in the same bed, he was so nice so caring, I kept the distance so that nothing could happen. And nothing happened that night. The next morning, getting up with a hang over, but going home. We kept in touch through Fb, he was inviting me, at first, I wasn't accepting, until I said yes for a drink in town, we talked a lot around a drink about relationships, I felt that he was not the serious kind, and not willing to start something where commitment is involved, because of some past relationships.. I thought it was the same for me, and made him feel it. The night after, he suggested paying me a visit late at night... In the same concept, always thinking I could handle it, I said I was OK. He came in really late. It made me angry because I kept awake waiting for him. Once together, I really enjoyed the times we had together, he was playing the guitar and talking. And then first quick kiss, I ignored it at first, but quite fast things evolved, and again together in bed, this time kisses and hugs all over again, we didn't even sleep that night, it was tiring, as we both are students and we had our studies to worry about. Something worth mentioning is that he asked for sex, I was reluctant, it was too early for me, so we didn't go that far, although we were close. Sometimes, we were wondering how it was too quick! The next morning, he left early because we both had to study for exams. We are on different campuses. We kept in touch through sms. I am too demanding and when I get nervous about studies, I am too fussy with him and want him to comfort me all the time! During the week, we wanted to meet, but quite impossible... he sent me once "I want you now", I said no no. And as the weekend got closer, I was looking forward to meet him, he didn't show up because his friends came to his place unexpectedly...
I was so angry, I thought it was over, I wanted it to be over because I was starting to get very close to him and he seemed careless sometimes. I decided to go and see him on Sunday, to talk it over, it made him really happy, instead of really talking, we spent the day in bed, I was almost in the state of mind yeah let's keep it not serious, not a big deal, let's keep on. I had a great day, we both agreed that we need to know each other more and that we would keep it not serious until we want it to evolve or one of us gets fed up... I said OK but somewhere hidden in me I wasn't OK with that...

We got really close to each other, and no one of our friends knew about it although they suspected something going on. After that long day together,I got a message from him saying he needs a time off. I said OK but I couldn't understand why he was asking for that. So I became fussy again and things got worse little by little until he said I was invading his life, too demanding, putting restrictions to his freedom etc... and especially that I haven't respected his wish of a time off, so we went apart with me almost crying in my corner of anger... I didn't realize he was right and that it was too much what I was doing... Now, I know it but it is too late indeed. Sometimes I feel I miss him although it was a quick "adventure", I feel guilty, I don't know if I can get him back or if it was what I really want, Now , I just want someone close beside me and he seems to be the greatest person but he's still angry maybe... I have to see it as over but I can't help it, it makes me feel bad... What do you think please?
Thanks in advance for any answer..

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2012, 01:37 PM

You seem to be needy. I don't know why you were geeting so angry and demanding about. You jumped into a physical relationship with this guy too soon. It does not appear you are healed from your previous relationship. It also could be that this guy wanted to get in your pants, he did and now he is moving on to the next one.
I suggest you just stay away from guys for awhile, get comfortable with yourself and being alone. Maybe speak to someone about your issues with being so needy.

jojo6590 · Nov 24, 2012, 01:55 PM

I don't feel as the needy kind, but I thought a physical relationship will help me get through all this and actually my ex is no longer a big trouble to me, I really moved on to something else, it's just the fact that I always want someone to comfort me and I can do any craziness to keep that person by my side. And if you want to know although it was physical, we didn't go as far as you can think... sometimes I see happy people in couples and I wonder why it failed for me... My ex almost gave no explanations, this guy took some time to explain what he felt... only because I was nagging too much and asking for answers! I did some mistakes for sure... maybe the same mistakes twice, nagging too much and complaining... Now, I'm still thinking about it, it's not the greatest thing to think about, such an "adventure"... How could it be so easy for him? I just wonder again... There's something I want to add is that I get easily angry when people do not answer me by sms... it's a very bad behaviour, I was demanding as I was asking for an immediate answer... I really regret that... :'(

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2012, 02:38 PM

Wanting to always have someone to comfort you and answer you is needy.

jojo6590 · Nov 24, 2012, 04:54 PM

OK you suggested to talk to someone about being needy, I did it when I had issues with my ex boyfriend. It led me nowhere but again to the same point, before my ex boyfriend I was quite OK with myself, handling everything on my own... he was there, it was like sharing the burden, I was there for him too and I always did my best to make him feel good, it went wrong once with me having too much pressure from the studies and my surroundings... I was being unbearable with everyone and with him too... I messed up and he messed up more than me... now it's over ! But this end left a hole that no one could fill, an unusual hole, I always dealt with problems on my own now, I need this back up, this hug to make me forget everything... The new guy almost filled everything although he was away during the week, when we were together I felt secure and forgot all my problems. I told him once don't let me get attached to you because I might do and it will hurt even more when we part. He said yes and kept his promise because he made me hate him by moments as he was mean, he removed me from fb and so on. But at last, we spoke on the phone, and he said I was invading his life, it was too much for him and he needed his time off, for me time off meant ending it especially with something so new! So it went wrong again and here "back to black"...

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2012, 05:19 PM

You still need to talk to someone. This need for back up and being hugged is a bit extreme and to lay that on someone who have not even known that long is a red flag to someone. Get those issues taken care of you will be emotionally healthy for someone.

jojo6590 · Nov 24, 2012, 05:49 PM

Just some facts: I am studying away from my family and my closest friends are with their boyfriends, I spent the summer away again working on my own, now studying, my friends are around, everyone minding his own business, some living in their bubble because of their boyfriends "he's great he did this he did that"... I just wonder why they are happy and I'm not with the ones I choose... because I have my best friend, he lately confessed somehow his love for me, I said no because I consider him as a friend, we are still good friends but something has changed... Anyway, a friend is a friend, that's it... If I were that needy, I would have accepted his love with pleasure, it's more complicated, you were right when you said that I need time away from all this to work on myself, but how to get rid from his thoughts?

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2012, 06:00 PM

The
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The more you work on yourself this guy will fade. You are lonely and away from family. How long were you with this guy?

jojo6590 · Nov 24, 2012, 06:11 PM

2 weeks, too short for a time off, he wanted to end it, I thought he would be brave enough to tell me in the face!

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2012, 06:19 PM

Two weeks is no time at all. The drama you put him through in two weeks... Let him be. Move on and work on yourself.

jojo6590 · Nov 24, 2012, 06:24 PM

Do you think there is any chance that I could fix things with him! I ruined it myself! Now it has been a week and I'm still mumbling about it in my corner. He was travelling this week, I focused on my studies and had an interview for studying in another university, it went quite well, he knew about it and didn't even say how did it go?
I don't blame him although I used to wish him good luck every time with his exams...

Homegirl 50 · Nov 24, 2012, 07:23 PM

I think you need to leave him alone. He will contact you if he wants. You have been a bit much already. Leave it be.

jojo6590 · Nov 25, 2012, 10:53 AM

I know I did too much already, Hopefully, last week, I was focused on my interview, now, the studies are lighter, I thought about him again too much today, I know he's back from his trip, no messages allowed for me, I should let him be, I keep thinking it went too far so quickly, a lot of memories for so little time, I know I am exaggerating, but it's hard right now... I was talking about him with one of my friends... it's not the biggest affection on Earth but it's something weird, I wished I could do something to change things right now or fix a part of it :(

Homegirl 50 · Nov 25, 2012, 01:37 PM

You need to let this go girl. After only a 2 week relationship and I would not even call it that, this is a bit much.

jojo6590 · Dec 18, 2012, 03:15 PM

Threads have been merged

Hi everyone! Will there be an after part?

joypulv · Dec 18, 2012, 03:41 PM

Hi to you to.. can you ask again, and explain what you mean?

jojo6590 · Dec 18, 2012, 03:50 PM

Sorry I did a mistake while typing and lost the message.
It's about a guy who had a crush on me at a party, we danced and kissed and finally slept together... I was drunk and frail that night because I just got out of a messed up relationship that caused me a lot of pain, but in the next morning, I almost wanted to get rid of that nice guy. I told him I had to study, he kissed me and just left. Since then, I avoided him and had no news, we didn't even exchange phone numbers when he left... it was weird and I don't know if it's worth it, I know it's not so great and that I shouldn't have done that, but I was rather depressed and he offered me a chance to chill and forget. Now I still haven't talked to him, and don't know if I should he gave no life sign either. I got thoughts about my ex and tried to contact him that was even worse... that's the story and my question is in the title... thanks in advance

Homegirl 50 · Dec 18, 2012, 06:44 PM

I think you need to forget about him as he has probably done the same with you.
Having sex with one person because you are bummed out about another is a foolish thing to do. Stay away from guys and alcohol until you get yourself together.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 18, 2012, 07:19 PM

Had you talked that day, but you brushed him off, so he figured you were just another easy sex partner, He may try and have you again if you meet at another party, since heck, why not.

But who would want a steady girl friend who is so easy at a party.

jojo6590 · Dec 18, 2012, 11:38 PM

Something worth mentioning there was no sex, we just slept! I actually said no, anyway, I know how it could seem, I should have talked more with him that morning