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joypulv · Dec 19, 2012, 05:18 AM

So you were more standoffish than he was... and acted blah in the morning as well. Why would he contact you? You may have lost out on a nice guy who really wanted to like you (you say he's a nice guy, and he was willing to spend the whole night with you without sex).
The burden is 100% on you now if you are hoping to reconnect.
I say go for it. Tell him how mixed up you are but don't dwell on all that, just that you are sorry it got off on the wrong foot and is there a chance to try again without booze.

jojo6590 · Dec 19, 2012, 05:43 AM

I wonder if I should talk to him, He really seemed to like me so much and accepted to spend the night even when I said there won't be sex! And in the morning it was like getting rid of him, now we see each other and we don't even talk about it. There's also a lot of pressure from the students around, they can't mind their own business and love to have something to talk about it, that's why, I didn't dare to talk to him, I sent him an indifferent message on Facebook, he didn't reply. Messages always are , I agree, but I just couldn't go and say hi without him giving any signs, I don't know if I should do anything about it!

joypulv · Dec 19, 2012, 06:10 AM

You aren't putting yourself in his shoes at all, poor guy. I think you hurt his feelings a lot.

jojo6590 · Dec 19, 2012, 06:20 AM

Seriously, how? I stumbled upon him today, no word, not even hi! Why didn't he answer me then? What is he thinking? Tell me! It was the first time we talk to each other that night although we are at the same university not the same class though, he came to me and it was like an accident but nothing happened that night except kissing and sleeping, we were both almost drunk, I don't see how he is the poor guy, how should I see it then?

Homegirl 50 · Dec 19, 2012, 07:38 AM

You brushed him off and he gave you your space. If you want to see him or talk to him again, you need to explain your actions. The ball is in your court.

jojo6590 · Dec 19, 2012, 07:48 AM

yeah true, I know I'm going to see him a lot especially after the holidays, it would be better to get things straight before we leave! I really regret my reaction in that morning, however, he was still nice and didn't leave without kissing me gently! I offered a coffee with no enthusiasm and felt relieved when he declined, it all just reminded me of my ex, I was all committed and got really disappointed at the end, I was afraid and acted cowardly with this new guy! Is there a way I can fix it so that he can understand? It will surely be through talking and not a random message or mail!

joypulv · Dec 22, 2012, 08:32 AM

When you stumbled upon him, did you say hi first? Did you stop to say hi, or breeze by?
I still think you aren't realizing that men are sensitive too.
Of course he declined the unenthusiastic offer of coffee.
Maybe it's all too soon to even try though, if you can't stop thinking about the failure with your ex.

jojo6590 · Dec 25, 2012, 02:54 AM

No I didn't say hi first, I walked through the door and he was just standing at the entrance, I didn't want to look at him... I think I need some time on my own, I sent him a message to apologize and say that I had my reasons and that I have been through a lot of trouble because of someone very close but that it was over now. I know it's all confused and unclear but anyway, if it's bound to be part of the past too, It's OK for me, I know I will have the chance to talk to him in the next days, I will do it if I feel OK, perhaps to just remain normal friends. For now, he is keeping his silence, it's better this way...

jazzas · Dec 25, 2012, 05:30 AM

Up to you , you have choices to make ? I say out with the old in with the new on this one

talaniman · Dec 25, 2012, 08:55 AM

I think you leave this fellow alone and deal with your own issues and healing after your break up. If he wanted to keep pursuing something, he would have and so far he has not. Not fair that you rebound so quickly for another that you don't even know his feelings or your own.

Work on just you for a while.

jojo6590 · Dec 26, 2012, 06:22 AM

Right that's what I want to do for now, just focus on myself. I know I will have to talk to him in the next days... there was a lot of pressure from the other students around, all they wanted was a story between two students hooking up for a while... no one could mind his own business! So just the fact of talking back in so little time could have triggered tons of stories, it was all clear at that moment in my head, I wasn't ready for a new relationship although that new guy seemed so nice that he didn't want to leave me that night even without what he expected. It was strange though... I regret it sometimes, my reaction and my confusion that morning... Apparently, it was rude! If I were in his shoes, I would have acted the same. I'm going to just leave it to time for now!

jojo6590 · Dec 26, 2012, 09:11 AM

Anyway, when I think about it, it was a way too quick: a week after a break up (I was arguing with my ex almost about everything and he was more than unbearable, he made me feel depressed all the time) I spent a horrible week following a break up and I had a sentence echoing in my head "get out of my life..." for nothing... without an explanation! This new guy appeared in the wrong period, I was really down, but spending some time with him made me forget a lot of pain and especially the most awful week of my whole life... I didn't have to talk about it, the whole pain faded away and he somehow brought back the smile for one night. Now, my story with my ex is almost part of the past and I learnt a lot through this bad experience... I still think about this new guy and I feel grateful to him I regret that I acted that strange at the end when the memories were back...

talaniman · Dec 26, 2012, 09:50 AM

You may be grateful to him for showing you that life can still be okay after a breakup, but its up to you not to get carried away by your gratitude. The last thing you need is a rebound, quick fix feel good right now, to ease your pain, but stopping a healthy healing process.

jojo6590 · Dec 26, 2012, 09:59 AM

It was rebound that night there's no doubt... but when I look back at it, I wish it was more than that, if I had acted differently and if there had been no breakup a week ago, things would have been different, and I really do like him! I will talk back to him for sure...

jojo6590 · Dec 29, 2012, 06:15 AM

Just one more thing, some of you told me that his feelings are hurt... Is the fact of not even talking back to each other a way to say hey girl you hurt me? He was so nice that night and even the following morning when I was rather rude, he was just saying OK as you like! He didn't leave without kissing me! And then walking past each other without a word... Right now, I am away from all this but sometimes I find myself still thinking about everything, sometimes even torn apart between old memories of my ex and getting used to this breakup. Something that I need to say is that the new guy that I met one week after the official breakup was like someone who saved me that night, I had a lot of thoughts about my so called ex and wanted to call him so badly, but as soon as I was with someone else, I thought I forgot, I kept my mind almost busy until the next morning... the new guy was kissing my hands all the time, it felt strange yet... I have noticed him at university before but never talked to each other until that night... anyway, maybe it's better to be considered part of the past too!

Homegirl 50 · Dec 29, 2012, 07:26 AM

You sent him a signal that said "it was nothing" maybe he just respected that.
Just take your time from now on. Quick fix sex does not work.

jojo6590 · Dec 29, 2012, 07:51 AM

And there was no sex! I said no and he respected that too, we just slept in each other's arms! I don't know what to think... Now he has never answered any mail I left!

talaniman · Dec 29, 2012, 08:06 AM

I think most of us experience these same feelings after a breakup and find a feel good by a little attention while we get through this rough time, and of course want it to continue. I think the thing to do is acknowledge our dissapointment that it didn't go anywhere and look around for other, better opportunities to heal, grow, explore and experiment and not get stuck on a feel good that went no where.

I mean so much thought to a potential booty call that didn't happen? Really? High hopes for romance that went no where? Likely the reason you are still even reliving that night because you think you blew something,when you didn't.

Time to let this guy and look around and othr things to focus on.

jojo6590 · Dec 29, 2012, 08:30 AM

The thing is that I have so many things to focus on starting with my studies, but I get distracted every now and then and those thoughts come back to me, maybe I missed an opportunity; and the fact that I know I'm going to see him a lot till the end of the year makes me still think about it, I won't mind talking back to him and being honest just to gain a friend or make things clear... that's why it's still coming back to me

jojo6590 · Dec 30, 2012, 07:21 AM

The more I think about it the more I realise I was wrong: I didn't give time to myself to heal from this breakup... too soon I resorted to rebound twice: once with a guy who wanted to date me a year ago but failed. I met him at a party while I was having a rough time with my ex and we were like being apart but still talking to each other. I was texting him that night and drinking too. He was unnice as usual but told me to beware not to end up with a guy there and it happened. I went to the guy mentioned above and some minutes later we were kissing. It didn't go further I never liked him anyway. It was just a strange way to have revenge on my ex. The next morning I texted my ex and told him about it (I lived something strange and great... ) he acted weird and said He's jealous because of this guy and the conversation went crazy he ended up saying that his dreams might be haunted by a last night with me... I said keep on dreaming. And then he went crazy and said what do you think yourself as? Why are you telling me half of the boys around have a crush on you? I don't care about it... He was more than pathetic and we kept on talking until he became nice and caring... I stopped talking about any further "conquests" we tried to behave... but one day he changed all of a sudden because his closest friend told him sth about us while they were both drunk... he was mean and rude again after vain efforts to regain something he changed his mind I was shocked and couldn't answer him but I did say that he was pathetic and we ended up agreeing that we both never want to see each other again. I know he didn't deserve anything from me... but he's still in my head and I know I don't like him anymore. I wanted to take him off my head because I tend to give him a word from time to time saying he's a jerk. I fell for a rebound a week later and brushed off a nice guy after sleeping in his arms and having him comfort me without even giving him what he expected from this apparently easy girl... I just want to forget but don't know how... sorry for being too long!