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Kkeell · Nov 22, 2012, 10:25 PM

I am a straight married woman with grown children. I have no doubt of my sexuality. However, I often find when I befriend a lesbian I often develop an attraction. I would never let it be known. It's just a feeling. There is a girl at work. We joke around in a way that is similar to kind of flirting in a small way. I think about her. I think about being with her. I think of mainly being held and kissed by her. I daydream of a scenario that would give us an opportunity. Don't get me wrong. I am married and probably would never allow my walls to come down. It's more of just a fantasy. The thing is if this very girl were straight I would not think of her the way I do. So my real question is to straight women. Do you secretly find yourself somewhat attracted to lesbians?

WisperWill70 · Nov 22, 2012, 11:16 PM

For the sake of clarity;- you're having a same sex attraction. Period. Labels like "bi, straight, gay" are all fairly recent social constructs. You may not identify yourself as "gay" and you might not act on your impulses, but you're having homoerotic fantasies nevertheless and technically, heterosexual women do not have sexual/romantic interest in lesbians while bi-sexual women might (even if partnered with a male).

But don't let labels define you. What does it matter as long as you're comfortable and as long as you honor your relationship? (since presumably you're in a monogamous marriage). It doesn't matter if anyone else has had similar experiences. The only thing that matters is how you treat the people you care about.

Human sexuality isn't black and white and it's a wide spectrum with many degrees of hetero and homo attraction from emotional to physical. There's no right or "wrong".

Some people have a curiosity or two at some point in their lives that goes outside their usual "norm".

It's also normal for people of both genders or any sexual orientation to have attractions outside their partnered relationship but it's up to them (and their partner) to negotiate whether they'll act these fantasies out.

I would also add that you feeling this way about "lesbians" and not straight girls only hints to something in YOU that is reflected back to you in someone living out their attraction to females (an open lesbian) which is something that you, for whatever reason, (and being committed to a man) have repressed. Dreaming about having an opportunity, means to be intimate, etc. etc. sounds like you're dealing with your own lesbian (attraction to female) desires even if they're only fantasies.

Fr_Chuck · Nov 23, 2012, 01:05 AM

It is very possible that you have some lesbian or "bi" feelings, it is not uncommon. If you have feelings like this toward her, you may well be bi.

Since you are in a committed relationship, dreaming is all you can do,

Kkeell · Nov 23, 2012, 06:31 AM

Originally Posted by WisperWill70

I would also add that you feeling this way about "lesbians" and not straight girls only hints to something in YOU that is reflected back to you in someone living out their attraction to females (an open lesbian) which is something that you, for whatever reason, (and being committed to a man) have repressed. Dreaming about having an opportunity, means to be intimate, etc. etc. sounds like you're dealing with your own lesbian (attraction to female) desires even if they're only fantasies.

I find your answer interesting. I don't believe I am bi. Maybe just intrigued by lesbian women fir whatever reason. I kind of believe a lot of women feel that way but not admit it. I think if I were bi I would also develop that kind of attraction to straight women as well. Perhaps I am attracted to the idea of it and that's why it's only to lesbians and not straight women. I put the question out there because I do believe straight women may feel the way I do. Or maybe it is just something about me.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 23, 2012, 11:55 AM

Are you happy in your marriage?
I am straight and am not the least bit attracted to any female nor do I fantasize about them.

Kkeell · Nov 23, 2012, 12:01 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Are you happy in your marriage?
I am straight and am not the least bit attracted to any female nor do I fantasize about them.

Thank you for your answer. That is all I am wondering. If straight women find that happening. It's not a question you ask your friends nor would their answers be honest. I'm not looking to act on anything. Just curious as to the fact that I never felt attraction to any straight girl ever. But find myself intrigued by the thoughts of it when I know they are lesbians.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 23, 2012, 12:13 PM

Perhaps you are curious. I have no idea.

talaniman · Nov 23, 2012, 01:23 PM

I think you are more curious and intrigued by lesbians and also like this one as a person. Don't let your fantasies bother you. Attractions to other people has many levels and many reasons.

WisperWill70 · Nov 23, 2012, 05:39 PM

No, you're intrigued by lesbian women because you yourself have some level of same sex attraction within yourself. (obviously!)

Out lesbian women represent women who are overt about their feelings and attraction unlike a "straight" girl. (And for the record, many lesbian or bisexual women do *NOT* actively give themselves permission for attractions to straight women because they're off limits)

You can call yourself whatever you want... but you're a woman who lives a straight life in a but who has homosexual fantasies and feelings... so you're at least partly bi-sexual.

A man who is married and lives a hetero life but fantasizes about openly gay men at work and daydreams about getting stranded in a snow-cabin together so they can kiss and hold each other may not act on those bi-sexual impulses or feelings but he's not STRAIGHT either! By the same token your daydreams about kissing, holding, being with, etc. etc. are not the feelings of a straight woman. A girl crush for a straight woman can be intense affection or attraction on an emotional level but if it's also physical it's therefore bi-sexual. (bi-sexual means being capable of having erotic/romantic feelings about members of your same sex and the opposite sex -- it has nothing to do with ACTING on them or having sex with everyone)

You're not an adolescent straight girl exploring your sexuality and this isn't the first time this has happened to you. Therefore - you're bi (at least at the level of fantasy).

Kkeell · Nov 27, 2012, 08:06 PM

So I been back at work two days after my four day weekend. I was looking so forward to going back to work just to spend the little bit of time I get to spend with her at work. I can't stand the urge I have to be around her. It gets worse with each day. I imagine my little crush will just pass. I hope it hurries. It's actually quite frustrating lol