[PleaseHELPP]

I am severely depressed.. I can never get to sleep till 4 am. When I wake up I lay in bed for an hour then do nothing with my day all day. I try my hardest because I have a 3 year old with him but I am failing as a person and am feeling like I'm letting our son down. I can't help myself I am so hopeless and feel like everyday I am constantly spiraling out of control. My life has no meaning and I live it because I have to.. I tried seeing someone else but it hurt even more to realise I will never have the love and comfort I did with my fiancé. I am so lost without him.. he was my savor, my strength.. I have always had depression in my life and he was the one to get me out of bed every morning and get my day started.. I have tried talking to grief counsolors and stopped because it seemed like a waste of money.. I tried talking to my family doctor but he is beyond a head case himself.. Last night I sat up for over 5 hours watching family videos and haven't been able to stop crying.. I have not been this low since he passed away and now I have no idea how to pick myself up anymore... I have lost who I am and how to keep my life in control... How do you ever feel okay after losing the love of your life? Because I've tried but haven't even had an okay day yet...

[Alty]

Grieving is a difficult process. The first year is always the hardest. I lost both of my parents within 6 months, and it was the hardest thing I ever went through. The first Christmas without them, the first birthday, just driving around and seeing a spot we went to once, and starting to cry because we'd never be able to go back together.

It's hard. I won't lie to you, you'll never stop missing him. There will be days when all you'll do is cry. But, it does get easier.

At this point, since you've tried grief counseling, and you've gone to your doctor, I would highly suggest that you talk to your doctor, or a different doctor (since this one doesn't seem to be helping) about antidepressants. There's no shame in taking them, none at all. They won't help you get over him, but they will help you at lest live your life, be there for your son. I'm sure he's having a hard time right now too, and he needs you.

I would suggest that you try counseling again. Sometimes it takes a while to find a counselor that's right for you, one you can work with. Group sessions with other people going through the same thing, helps a lot too.

Of course you can come here, and talk to us, but I think that you'll get more out of a face to face meeting with people you can actual get together with.

Please consider my suggestions, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

[imthereforyou]

Look, the fact is that all of us reach a point of depression sometime in our lives and we feel like everything is spiraling out of control. Remember that people are there for your, and I'm supporting you in thought at least.

My advice to you is this:

1. Try your best to get over the death of your fiancé. You could turn your life into a testament of your love. Live his life as well as your life. Remember that you can't bring him back from where he's gone, but you CAN respect him and his memory by turning your life into something really meaningful. Get a job which requires a lot of hard work and dedication and stop thinking about his death. Live your life with your kid to its fullest. If you don't want to lose control, then take control. WORK. It's something that always makes you feel better about yourself.

2. Try something different. Maybe spirituality or mythology. Try visiting the nearest Hare Krishna Temple and join in the prayers there. It doesn't matter if you don't believe in God or anything. Being part of something spiritual makes you happy even if you don't believe in it. Group prayer sessions always work. You DON'T have to believe in God. It'll be something new and different and it'll help you regain control over your life.\

3. Read. Lose yourself everyday for a period of at least 1 hour and a maximum of 3 hours in the world of fiction and fantasy. Again, it'll help you take your mind off things.

4. Write. Write about anything you like. Keep a journal to confide in or just let loose everyday over a piece of paper. You'll feel cleansed.

5. Listen to cheerful things and happy things. An example would be Don't Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin.

All these things ought to pull you out of depression and turn your life into something better, something more meaningful. Implement it in your life, and you'll feel a lot better.

[imthereforyou]

Oh yeah, antidepressants really help too. They'll help you but only temporarily. Just stay positive, OK? It's hard and there'll be a lot of crying, but everyone goes through difficult times.