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Burtney_682 · Nov 19, 2012, 07:31 PM

Basically, I feel like I need a reality check. I'm so far past my anger limit that I've been snapping at every little thing. I've always had an anger problem, but this is a huge trigger. I have been seriously trying to obtain a new outlook on life. Not worrying about the little things, actually enjoying life instead of letting everything get to me.

My mother's boyfriend's sister has been living with us (I live with my mother) for three months. I can not stand her! She is the laziest mooch I have ever met in my life. She's been living off the government/friends for the last twenty years. Since she's been living with us she's been doing as little as she can to be an independent person. It seems like she has the mentality of a 16 year old (she's 41). She lies constantly to "keep out of trouble." Things like smoking in the house and lying about it when we smell it, going into my room without asking. Recently we found out that she had been lying about taking her 7 year old son to school. He's been walking to and from school by himself.

My mother has taken her on as a charity case. Trying to integrate her into the real world. I just recently found a job and am planning on moving out with my boyfriend as soon as I save enough for the deposit. I still owe my mom some money from when I was job hunting, so this might take another month.

I can't stand it any more. She has commandeered the living room. Unless I stay in my room I am cornered by them. I have been patient with her son because he is innocent, he didn't ask to be put in this situation. I get frustrated because he literally bounces off the walls because she sleeps on the couch watching TV all day and expects him to do the same. Not only does she mooch off my mother and expects everything to get handed to her (she let me know, just in case, what gifts she wanted for her birthday and Christmas, yes she's 41), but she complains about everything. Her ankle, how it's hard walking up the stairs, how it's hot in her bedroom.

Well, I guess that's enough complaining. I would really like to hear from anyone who has trouble with anger and how they keep it under control. I've done breathing exercises and meditation. These help, but when I'm already past my breaking point, I have a really hard time coming down. Also, any advice on how to handle this woman maturely and calmly. I can feel this leeching into the rest of my life. I need my alone time to find my center, but it's impossible at home.

Just a note: Although the simple solution is to move out, I still have to wait at least a month for this. Just some advice to get through that.

I really appreciate you reading this!

Wondergirl · Nov 19, 2012, 07:36 PM

What does your mom (the homeowner?) say?

Burtney_682 · Nov 19, 2012, 07:43 PM

She is frustrated as well, but not nearly as much as I am. She views this woman as family and feels like she is improving. She wants to help her be a successful adult and mother. She understands why I am frustrated, but overall is expecting me to deal with it.

It's her house, I know that I really have no say in this situation. If I don't like it, then I can move out. Which I desperately want to do.

As simple and 1st world as it sounds, I just want to make dinner in the kitchen without having to be bombarded by both of them.

Wondergirl · Nov 19, 2012, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by Burtney_682

She is frustrated as well, but not nearly as much as I am. She views this woman as family and feels like she is improving. She wants to help her be a successful adult and mother.

Ask your mom what you can do to help the situation.

Burtney_682 · Nov 19, 2012, 07:54 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Ask your mom what you can do to help the situation.

At this point I can't even be in the same room with them without wanting to pull my hair out.

At first, I felt the same way my mom did. Wanting to help them, they weren't given all the opportunities that I have been given. I made an effort to talk to her, build her confidence up, make sure she felt comfortable in the house. Gave her clothes she could wear to an interview. Everything I've done, she has taken advantage of. Now she expects me to drive her wherever she wants to go. She says things like, "I don't think I'll every be able to move out on my own." Having a conversation with her is exhausting because she goes through every detail of her day and starts arguments just so she can win them.

If I give her an inch, she'll take a mile.

Wondergirl · Nov 19, 2012, 07:59 PM

Well, it's only another month and then you will be out of there. Apparently there's no improving the situation.

Burtney_682 · Nov 19, 2012, 08:03 PM

I've asked my mom to explain to them that they shouldn't be in the living room all day every day. Is this completely unreasonable?

Wondergirl · Nov 19, 2012, 08:04 PM

Originally Posted by Burtney_682

I've asked my mom to explain to them that they shouldn't be in the living room all day every day. Is this completely unreasonable?

Where are they supposed to go?

Burtney_682 · Nov 19, 2012, 08:06 PM

Be in their room for a few hours, the park, the store. She leaves the house at a maximum three times a week. And I mean walking outside.

Alty · Nov 19, 2012, 08:12 PM

I would ignore her as best you can. If she asks for a ride, hand her a bus schedule. Get a lock for your room, a simple lock is not that expensive and easy to install. If you want to watch some TV and they're in the living room, give them an hour notice that you want to watch a show, and then simply go in, switch the channel (when that hour is up) and ignore her.

You're right, the 7 year old son is not to blame. Maybe you could take him out, go for a walk, or take him to a movie or something. But the mother, she has to earn your respect, and she hasn't. She's not a child, and she should stop acting like one in a home where she doesn't even pay rent.

Hopefully the month will fly by. Good luck. :)

Burtney_682 · Nov 19, 2012, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

I would ignore her as best you can. If she asks for a ride, hand her a bus schedule. Get a lock for your room, a simple lock is not that expensive and easy to install. If you want to watch some tv and they're in the living room, give them an hour notice that you want to watch a show, and then simply go in, switch the channel (when that hour is up) and ignore her.

You're right, the 7 year old son is not to blame. Maybe you could take him out, go for a walk, or take him to a movie or something. But the mother, she has to earn your respect, and she hasn't. She's not a child, and she should stop acting like one in a home where she doesn't even pay rent.

Hopefully the month will fly by. Good luck. :)

Thank you, I love the simplicity of the advice you have given. There is really nothing else I can do except live my life the same way I have been. I shouldn't let her affect me the way I have been letting her.

I feel like when I take him somewhere, I'm rewarding her behavior by giving her time by herself. That's not fair to him though, he's seven, he should be able to go outside and have fun. If nothing else, I'll lead by example.

Thanks Alty!

Alty · Nov 19, 2012, 08:56 PM

Originally Posted by Burtney_682

Thank you, I love the simplicity of the advice you have given. There is really nothing else I can do except live my life the same way I have been. I shouldn't let her affect me the way I have been letting her.

I feel like when I take him somewhere, I'm rewarding her behavior by giving her time by herself. That's not fair to him though, he's seven, he should be able to go outside and have fun. If nothing else, I'll lead by example.

Thanks Alty!

You're welcome.

Remember that the child is not to blame in all of this. When you spend time with him you're not rewarding his mother, you're giving him something he really needs. If he's going to break the cycle, and not end up like his mother, he needs someone to show him the way. You could very well be that someone. :)