[krazyfas]

I'm listening to all advice. I can't really tell your age. All I know is that I am thankful for the advice you guys have given.

I'm old, 66 next month. I get bothered easily by little phrases that smack of immaturity, like 'creating the perfect scenario.'
1. You aren't calling the shots for a long, long time, so you don't get to create.
2. There's no such thing as perfect. The sooner young couples in love realize that, the better.
3. What you have to work on is being TRUSTWORTHY, not some love nest with full of fireworks. I'm not going to beat that topic to death. You have to understand it on your own. You have started, by appearing stuck up to the women at work. It's a sacrifice. Good job.

Thanks joypulv, I have realized that I'm on her turf now. She calls the shots and It's her terms that we go by.

[Mattdyd10003]

No problem

[krazyfas]

You got married really young under a circumstance of duress, and you hit a rocky path where both of you were very immature. You hold the greater responsibility for the disaster that has ensued because you cheated first, introducing infidelity to your marriage. Your wife, I believe, acted out of anger and the deepest hurt.

You do have a child, and you apparently both still care for and love each other. I recommend you get marriage counseling to work through the mutual betrayal and the issues that led to the betrayal. You also need to figure out an end game to the work schedules. You cannot keep working multiple jobs indefinately and need to figure out what can be done so that you can earn enough working one job each to support your family. This might mean one of you returns to school or a professional training program or something.

I would not throw in the towel. I think you should approach her and say, "Hey, I was really immature and selfish and rediculous. I want to go to counseling with you and see if we can work out. If we have to divorce, I want to at least know we made every effort to honor our vows to stay together and work through hard times." Don't push for forgiveness or apologies right away. Don't expect her to be consistent - you weren't consistently loyal to her, and she's going to go through a lot of emotions around this thing.

And leave your family out of it moving forward. Best wishes.

Right now she refuses to even talk about marriage counselling or getting any outside help. That's why I ask you guys to try and find the right steps that need to be taken until I am able to get her there.

no problem

Just curious how old are you?

Off topic but do you see hope in me now?

[Mattdyd10003]

Just wondering does this matter.

Honestly I'm in high school. But just follow your heart it will lead you to the right place. If

[krazyfas]

just wondering does this matter.

I was just curious.

[soundscrazy]

QUOTE by krazyfas;
Thanks for the advice. I have cut all contact with all friends that would lead me into something misschieovous. I have no female friends not a single one. My work place is full of girls and I can honestly say that they all hate me. They think I'm stuck up and that I think I'm too good for them. Even though they all know I am only looking to receive another chance with my wife... I feel like her asking me if I still love her was an attempt to try to let me back in her heart. Now I'm just assuming here so don't jump all over me but that's just the feeling I got. She also asks me all the time "are you seeing anyone?" "are you sleeping with anyone else?" I'm pretty sure its because she doesn't want to lose me either but can't really forgive me fully yet. What are your thoughts??

Well, I can say this she is checking on you of course. That's what Im saying about always asking questions. Like where are you, what time you coming home, who are you with, are you cheating on me again. So on... It will be like that for yrs if she takes you back in time.
Just take things slow, to me it seems like your also loving the challenge, and the chase. Becareful with that I know how you men work. ; )
Also stop analizeing everything.

[krazyfas]

HAHA I do love the challenge and the chase. But I do love her with all my heart and that's what has got me this far. If I didn't love her I would have given up right away.

[dontknownuthin]

If she has decided she's done with the marriage, you have to accept her word on this and move forward with the divorce. Do not make the mistake many divorcing parties do though and turn her into an enemy in the process. Focus on doing what is fair for both of you and do as much as you can to provide financial support to she and the child and to remain involved in the child's life.

You cannot work at a relationship with a person who does not want the relationship. I do get the impression that you are very sensitive to any criticism and also quick to deflect advice. For example, she may be interested in counseling but perhaps doesn't like how you have approached her about something else. Maybe she doesn't feel your apologies have been sincere - who knows. Relationships are complex. But if she truly doesn't want to go to counseling, wants a divorce, doesn't want to work on the relationship - well, you have your answer. Move forward with a divorce then and try to keep it friendly.

[krazyfas]

If she has decided she's done with the marriage, you have to accept her word on this and move forward with the divorce. Do not make the mistake many divorcing parties do though and turn her into an enemy in the process. Focus on doing what is fair for both of you and do as much as you can to provide financial support to she and the child and to remain involved in the child's life.

You cannot work at a relationship with a person who does not want the relationship. I do get the impression that you are very sensitive to any criticism and also quick to deflect advice. For example, she may be interested in counseling but perhaps doesn't like how you have approached her about something else. Maybe she doesn't feel your apologies have been sincere - who knows. Relationships are complex. But if she truly doesn't want to go to counseling, wants a divorce, doesn't want to work on the relationship - well, you have your answer. Move forward with a divorce then and try to keep it friendly.

She may not be interested in counseling but she has shown interest in keeping a good relationship with me. Lately I noticed a 180 degree turn when it comes to her attitude towards me. So I see a lot of work to be done but also I see like she's more willing to work on our marriage.

I need some input on this... My wife and I were going to meet up. She does't let me know she's outside and I spot the car... I walk over and realize she's so in to her text message that she doesn't notice I'm next to the car. I look at whose the person she's texting and it was the other guy she was seeing. I didn't bring it up or say anything and got in the car and acted normal. We then later got hot and heavy and with no condom or birth control she asked me to "finish" inside of her. I did as she asked and she was happy and full of smiles. But here's the thing when we first separated she had said to me that if I were to ever get her pregnant again she would come back to me and try to do everything possible to save our marriage. NOW is this what she's trying to do OR is she just playing with me??

[joypulv]

If you continually need strangers online to interpret every move she makes, you are in serious trouble - or you are just enjoying this and bordering on being a troll.
I don't even believe that you could see who she was texting while sitting in her car, much less also not be noticed.

[krazyfas]

If you continually need strangers online to interpret every move she makes, you are in serious trouble - or you are just enjoying this and bordering on being a troll.
I don't even believe that you could see who she was texting while sitting in her car, much less also not be noticed.

I just need an outside unbiased party to help me interpret certain things that I would interpret wrongfully. Trust me when I tell you that this is true. She was so focused on that txt that I was able to sneak up on her like that. It also might have helped that it was at night and its not very well light in my workplaces parking lot. But I do need some advice on her decision to go COMPLETELY AGAINST WHAT SHE HAD SAID ORIGINALLY ABOUT NOT WANTING TO GET PREGNANT...

[Mattdyd10003]

Hey don't throw her under the bus you are the one who wants to get back together. I don't even think you should have slept with her so soon. Plus it has been a while you should be fine with out us now.

[krazyfas]

My wife and I separated about 5-6 months ago. I have been fighting for her since day one of our separation. But I feel like everything I do usually ends up falling apart because of something stupid. She had asked me for an official divorce about 2 weeks ago. Then a few days later (2 days later) she asks if I still loved her and she said she would always be mine etc... We did really good for a week and had great communication but then I started to notice shady behavior.. I called her out on it and it has gotten to the point where she no longer communicates with me regularly nor seems as excited to speak to me.

I know she loves me and deep down she wishes it would somehow work out for us but I just don't know how to get us there...

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME SAVE MY MARRIAGE!!

[Wondergirl]

What's with her "shady behavior" and wishy-washiness? It doesn't sound like she is committed to you.

[krazyfas]

We had established a really good connection. I could tell she was excited to see me she wanted to spend time with me all was well and all of a sudden it changed. I just don't know what the change was. The shady behavior is her always saying, "I can't talk right now". "I'm going out with my mom and sister". When her mom has two jobs and she loves staying at home. I feel like they are all excuses and she always has "something that comes up". For example she says "i don't have minutes" but calls me the next day ( we both have t-mobile so its free for us to call each other, I just called her out on it the other day). Or "I dont have any txt msgs left" but she has unlimited text messages. Then the next day she texts me. I don't know why she lies but then goes against what she has already said.

Since we are separated (not legally just living apart) she's dating this other guy (she won't admitt to it because she doesn't want our families to know what she's up to, but she has admitted to it before she just changes her story every so often). The thing with that is that even though she's dating this guy (he used to be a mutual friend) she is still sleeping with me. So technically she is cheating on him. Which was the reason why we separated. I know that they keep close contact but the other guy doesn't.

Its really complicated but it was working just fine. I don't know why she changed with me all of a sudden..

[Wondergirl]

So she is sleeping with you and another guy, blatantly lies about all sorts of stuff, and you want to save this marriage?

[krazyfas]

So she is sleeping with you and another guy, blatantly lies about all sorts of stuff, and you want to save this marriage?

It sounds absolutely crazy but I love her to death!! I cheated on her also and She forgave me several times. I feel like she's trying to retaliate but she still loves me I know she does. Other wise she wouldn't have told me that she would always be mine.

[Wondergirl]

What is she doing to "get you there"?

What do you want from her? Total commitment? An open marriage?

[krazyfas]

What is she doing to "get you there"?

Well she had never expressed herself like that since june/july when we started to have issues. She would rarely let me touch her and we would rarely ever keep a conversation. But when she said she would always be mine we started to head in the right direction. She did warn me though that I needed to keep my guard up in case we didn't work out.

[Wondergirl]

What do you want from her? Total commitment? An open marriage?