[bombaynoir]

Hi. I'm 13 years old and a girl, and I recently moved to Florida from Singapore. I lived with my grandma and dad (although my grandma always took care of me) for most of my life, but she couldn't come along because of some visa problems. My dad came with me. She'll be coming soon. We live with my aunt (Dad's sister) and my uncle. My aunt and uncle used to visit Singapore a lot since I was three, and I really had a good time with them.

They have no kids, so having me around was really a big change. A few days after I came, my aunt suddenly told me that she smokes. I didn't know that for my whole life, and I did feel quite... shocked. I don't know. I asked my uncle and he said that she had been doing that since before he met her! What the! And I didn't know? Neither does my grandma!

My dad smokes too, so they both do smoke a lot on the porch. I HATE the smell, and it ticks me off when they don't close the porch door and the smell gets all over the house. It's also very different here in Florida compared to Singapore. For example, in Singapore I used to regularly walk (10-minute walk) to the mall to buy my lunch when my grandma didn't feel like cooking. Here, I tried walking with my dad to the supermarket (Silly idea, but there was no food at home and I was hungry!), and it was 5 miles. Bad idea.

So that means I only go out when they go out to dinner or something. It sort of frustrates me. I also like to watch Hindi films and songs, and my grandma did too. It was the sort of thing that we'd laugh over. There was an Indian community in Singapore, but not really here. One thing I miss the most is the radio station that used to play songs. I know it seems really insignificant, but it made me happy. I loved that.

Here there's no connection to that except the internet and such. I also find myself craving (thinking I'm smelling it, feeling the taste in my mouth, thinking of it) Singapore food a LOT. A LOT. I was a pretty fussy eater, and my grandma made awesome meals. My aunty, well, not so much. I know it's hard for her, and I try to make it easier, but I really wish I could have Singapore food. It's been five months.

What ticks me off sometimes is the way my aunty talks to my grandma on the phone. My grandma is worried sick about me (although I'm fine), and sometimes she yells at my grandma, and stuff about her visa and all. Sometimes my grandma cries on the phone because she misses me, and I do feel sad too.

But most of all I'm really very frustrated with my aunty and uncle. My only connection back home is my laptop, and I do admit I go overboard with laptop usage sometimes, but I do stop when my grandma told me to. Like, I'd help her and stuff like that. Get things for her, answer the phone, etc. It hurts for her to walk because she has arthiristis (Eh, don't know how to spell it.), so yeah.

When I came to the US no one had any problems with my laptop. It was the school holidays and they always were at work, so it was my entertainment. One night I stayed up to talk to my Singapore friends, and then it became a habit. (I didn't think I was doing too much of a wrong thing; it was the holidays and I wanted to talk to my friends. There's a 12-hour time difference.) Then my aunty caught me. She was quite annoyed and stuff, but there was no way to talk to my friends otherwise. She told me, if they were true friends, they would understand.

What? They were having school, so they couldn't stay up to talk to me. I was having holidays. And really, trust me, the Singapore education system is rigorous. Then some time after school started, maybe three days, my aunty and uncle flipped out on me about the laptop. They thought it would be damaging to my school grades. But we just started!

My uncle said I was only allowed to use it for an hour per day, which really, really, really angered me because I finished my homework (And got it right, mind you) fast and there was nothing else for me to do! I couldn't go out! I had no friends! And they were all at work! Then they just put it in their room and up till now it really really annoys me because I have to ASK them.

I just asked my aunt if I could use it, and she started yelling at me for no reason, saying, "LET ME WATCH MY TV SHOW." I wanted to talk to my friends from Singapore! After they set in place the RULES for my laptop, I lost my iPod in the house. Still haven't found it. So I was really angry, and I took my dad's phone. Nothing against him, but I just needed it to talk to my friends. I know it was extreme, but I don't know what else I could've done.

So they found out and lost their trust in me. I know it was wrong, but my dad's completely normal with me and they two are still all 'I DON'T TRUST YOU' on me. It's been about two months. Right now all I want is to go back home to Singapore. They won't be stressed, and neither will I. My dad agrees with me too. They wanted him and me to come to the US so that I could get the citizenship... I don't know why though.

So I feel like it'll be very selfish to leave and go back, and I feel like I'm just stuck and helpless right now. I find the education system very lacking and bland and boring. I feel trapped and stuck. Can anyone give me advice?

[joypulv]

Aside from stealing your dad's phone and using a very immature excuse of 'but I don't know what else I could've done,' I am sympathetic. At least your dad seems sympathetic too, and he can help you, if he is willing to let you go back, and your grandmother is willing and ABLE to take you back. Don't forget that she could age rapidly while you are still a teen, and either need tons of care, more than you can give while in school, or even die. So it might not be possible.
I'd suggest a good talk with your dad when no one else is around. Try to stay calm and not whiny or demanding, just ways to sort the most important things out. Such as the challenge of the school you attend here (there's a lot of variation in quality of education around the US). You can also work on various compromises about the internet usage, such as another hour a day as long as you keep getting As or something.

Keep in mind that in the final analysis, you don't run the show when you are a minor child. Parents have their reasons for doing what they do and what they either make you do or what you end up having to go along with, such as moving. As soon as you are 18 or out of school, you can do what you want.

[bombaynoir]

Aside from stealing your dad's phone and using a very immature excuse of 'but I don't know what else I could've done,' I am sympathetic. At least your dad seems sympathetic too, and he can help you, if he is willing to let you go back, and your grandmother is willing and ABLE to take you back. Don't forget that she could age rapidly while you are still a teen, and either need tons of care, more than you can give while in school, or even die. So it might not be possible.
I'd suggest a good talk with your dad when no one else is around. Try to stay calm and not whiny or demanding, just ways to sort the most important things out. Such as the challenge of the school you attend here (there's a lot of variation in quality of education around the US). You can also work on various compromises about the internet usage, such as another hour a day as long as you keep getting As or something.

Keep in mind that in the final analysis, you don't run the show when you are a minor child. Parents have their reasons for doing what they do and what they either make you do or what you end up having to go along with, such as moving. As soon as you are 18 or out of school, you can do what you want.

Yeah, I know. It was probably my internet addiction. Sorry, shouldn't have said that. I think I can talk to him on Monday, no one's going to be home, and it's a holiday for me. I got straight A's, but they don't budge at all. What my dad does is he lets me use his phone at night to message my friends or stuff. See, he's okay with me.

I just miss my old life. It feels like everyone right now is stressed and if everyone just goes back to what we did earlier, it'll be okay again.

[joypulv]

Also, at 13, you can do a lot of cooking if your aunt will let you, and your grandma can help over the phone. Maybe you can't get the ingredients you want locally, but a big trip to the big city once in a while, or buying from Amazon etc would help.
You don't say who does drive, but I assume that your aunt and uncle have a car? So they call the shots there, unless your dad can buy a car eventually.

[bombaynoir]

Also, at 13, you can do a lot of cooking if your aunt will let you, and your grandma can help over the phone. Maybe you can't get the ingredients you want locally, but a big trip to the big city once in a while, or buying from amazon etc would help.
You don't say who does drive, but I assume that your aunt and uncle have a car? So they call the shots there, unless your dad can buy a car eventually.

Well, that does sound like fun! Yeah, my aunt and uncle each have a car, and my dad can't drive because he has epilepsy. I don't know the laws here but in Singapore he wasn't allowed to drive. My grandma, once she comes, probably can drive. She used to drive me around in Singapore.