[lilian85]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. We are from different countries and I fell in love when I visited his country. He was engaged to another woman, but I did not know that back then. He said he was single. He said the ex was a crazy . They have a son togethe who was 1,5 at that time. I fell more and more in love. I came back to live with him. We were happy, but I started noticing that his behavior was strange. It turned out he was still with the ex. He lied and refused it. I had proves, but he denied it. I went home to my country to finish my profession, because I realized we were both pretty bad economically, and my job there did not pay me as much as I needed and to get a better job required me to finish. We managed but I came back as much as possible. I had more money, and spent my savings going to visit as much as I could. I realized some months later that the ex was posing pics of them together. I confronted her and him and told everything that was going on to the ex. She said I should stay away, that he was a piece of and that she had gotten it proved once again. I finished, thought he was crazy and did not have the moral principales that I value.I had a break down almost. He managed to get me back by convincing me many things. I went back to live with him for one semester while studying. Then I found him writing flirty messages to several other woman. I moved out, and he came begging. I felt helpless and stuck in love. It was like if my legs wanted to run the opposite direction, but like if they didn't move the way I wanted. So I "forgave" it, since the messages don't really mean anything. I knew by many of the trips we had been to, and all the time spent together that he could not mean much by the messages, but I got very disappointed. He came moving after to my country for some months again. This coming and going is only temporal since we need to finish 1 more semester of studies. He came after and I got him a job. I served him so much, and really did the imposible for him to get the visa. Then he mae money, while I sacrifised getting a job. So I stayed at home. He went home with a lot of money, me broke. Then we have kept the conact and we are a couple, but I am getting so emotionally tired. We break up and get back together. There is no doubt we love eachtoher, but I feel like if I serve him, serve him and give 100% while I get very little effort back. He kind of blames me of having started the master, and says " hope it will be worth it the day you have a lot of money" and indicates that I will lose him for thinking about my career, even though he also studies. He is older than me, but had taken co many short cuts in life that he is far from graduating, and his conditions are a lot worse than mine. I come from a safe and good country, he does not. I could never call myself a gold digger after this relationship, because he is totally broke. Last time we got back together he said he had to see me for christmas, now that christmas is almost here. One week ago he showed me tickets for coming to visit. I told everybody he was going to come, and I was surprised and happy to see that he took the initiative.I offered to pay some of it. Then he changed his mind all of a sudden.I spent like 2 days cheking if I could come since he said it was too expensive for him. Then I have realized now that he doesn't want me to come. He says I am selfish, and that he is sick and tired of me coming and going and that what I do will ruin for us. He says he wants me as a normal girlfriend. He puts so much preassure on me. He has nothing concrete to come with as a solution, he only complains and blames me for the long distance, that we could have been together. I try explaining him, and asking him why he studies then and why I cannot do the same. He confuses me a lot. He is not rational. He makes me so happy, but also so sad. My mother thinks I have done a lot for him. More than anyone has ever done for me. I have helped, lent money, gotten him a job, gotten the sister a job. And I have looked and applied for jobs in his country and tried to get him into the uni here. He almost puts me an ultimatum every now and then. He can easily start insulting me. How and why, and what should I do? What is wrong with the way of thinking? He also wanted to marry me, and got mad when I hesitated. He asks me over distance when I am in the middle of my studies, stressing it after we just got back together. Like for making it good again... no ring.. nothing. Now he is yealling to me on Facebook because. I was willing to travel in a bus very uncomfortable for many hours to see him since the plane tickets are expensive, and he attacks me.

[smoothy]

Consider accepting the fact this guy is not a nice person. If he was he wouldn't have been telling you lies from the beginning... and also understand that even if he did leave her... when he got bored with you, then you would be the new ex he is cheating on...

Sorry to say this... but nothing good can come of you being with him.