[Gold-Finger]

This is only a small part that contains the gist of the essay, which is about religious toleration. Before I will pass this for a university requirement, I would like to solicit your views about it first.
__________________________________________________ _______________

What is Religious Freedom?

There exist two faces of man’s endeavor, the political and spiritual. Mentioned first is “political” as there are those times when faith is not mentioned of any man. Those are times when his participation only concerns his bodily organization. Is there anyone to expect, that in social tasks he seeks to complete, he requires spirituality? Nor in the times where he is with his fellows attending a certain concern, are they expected to be religious? Never will they mention the name of any divine, for the sole reason that this aspect of concern is distinct to the spiritual aspect, as this is political. The other one is spiritual which then is sacred. It is away of the formality of his political membership. This state is attained by individuality alone. This sense of individuality should be kept in such spiritual category, for the moment that this solitary moment expands in matters which requires it not it will bear conflict. The republic therefore is an entity belonging to the political distinction, whereby the spiritual belongs to the man. The function of the government should revoke spirituality for it is not its purpose. It is not advocated however, that religion be forcefully removed, but it is sought to be emphasized that a singular man should have "two non-intersecting characters"

[Story Writer]

Gold Finger,

I have gone through your essay and I find your views quite impressive. For the lay reader they are fine, but if it is an assignment for a university, it must be as per the university norms. Your ideas have to be politically correct as per the policy of the government of the country, where you dwell and where the university is situated. By knowing more of/about your and university's profile, I will be in a better position to give a befitting reply to your query.

Good Luck!

Story Writer

[Gold-Finger]

Thank you very much. I will take note of your helpful suggestions!
I hope that there will be more views about this.

[joypulv]

It is a bit stilted in English as written, and sounds like you are not an native English speaker? But I understand that you are writing about 'separation of church and state,' as Americans say. The writers of the US Declaration of Independence were very careful to define politics with this all-important notion, even though they were very religious and many attended services every day.
One sentence I might change is 'The function of the government should revoke spirituality for it is not its purpose.' Revoke means reject, deny, cancel. I think you mean something different, something that means not control or concern itself with.

It's also not really a necessary statement because it's already the premise of your essay. Your essay is about WHY it isn't the government's purpose.

[joypulv]

Perhaps I assumed incorrectly that you wanted critique.
By stilted I mean overly formal and a bit ponderous.
I thought the rest of what I said was a good suggestion but you seem more interested in feeling wounded.
I can't imagine anyone disagreeing with your views about politics and religion.
If you just want praise, please say so.

[Gold-Finger]

I am not looking for praise. What I am only asking is that, Is my english writing bad or poor?

[Wondergirl]

I am a well-educated person, but found your writing to be very hard to understand. I really had no clue what you were saying. Are you trying too hard to be "deep" and intellectual?

"When you wish to instruct, be brief; that men's minds take in quickly what you say, learn its lesson, and retain it faithfully. Every word that is unnecessary only pours over the side of a brimming mind." -- Cicero