[gin2007]

Well I don't know where too start.

Me and my EX GF met around December after 3days of knowing her we were dating we both was so much in love and close the first 2months was great but then because I got bad past experiances in relationships I'm sweet guy treat a girl good and gentleman and it is easy for people like me to get walked over at first 2months I let her get closer then I wanted and then I pushed away her EX BF used to rape and beat her often so she was scared I be the same we both pushed each other back and got very clingy.

Then it it got to point we depended on each other and talked 24/7 anyway possible phone,text,msn,email,letters and well it got too much we rushed everything and pressured each other despite our problems we were the perfect match for each other we just has past issues to sort there wasn't a perfect match like we were but it got to point all we did was get jealous and fight then hate each other one Monday few weeks back she yelled at me...

I said to her stop thinking I'm your EX and seeing him all the time start seeing who I am I ain't ever going to her you and she said I'm right she see her EX and think's I'm going to do the same she said I love you so much more then anyone in my life ever but it's only been 8months since me and him split up so I truly don't think I'm ready for relationship and she said she wants to close her eyes see me still go to bed dream about me and talk 24/7 to me but she isn't ready she said she ring me when she is ready...

I was shocked and hurt of course but we were close like we always have been just we weren't dating but we were still the SAME as before and Tuesday we had a fight and we were on and off for a week then Tuesday (last tuesday) she said she needed space I gave her few days I rang her Thursday and she was like YAY I MISSED YOU SO MUCH I LOVE U Don't EVER LEAVE ME and was so happy and excited and said I missed this when were happy and talking and not fighting I love you so much I missed you and we were great night I could tell she loved me and it put my doubts away and was happy to wait for when she is ready.:D

Then Friday I told my friend and he told her she said no we isn't back together just friends I knew that he just got wrong end of the stick she had a hard day Friday and well was stressed and we still got to each other and I kind of pressured her asking what is wrong she is like I just want to relax and have fun OK please don't fight anyway she said leave me alone...

I was like why what have I done and she said I just don't need your problems then she said leave me alone I said I'm sorry she said babe I love you so much but you annoy me so much sometimes I hate you and then I got upset and ask why she said drop it and said I don't love you as a boyfriend your like a brother or a friend love to me nothing more just drop it and leave me alone bye.

By now I'm confused how 1 day before she loves me and 15 minutes before she loved me then all of sudden didn't...

Anyway Saturday we didn't talk she still hated me and in afternoon she said she just can't be with me if she don't feel for me in that way and she wouldn't say since when or why or how...

She said about 2 weeks... but she spent £365 phone contract bill on me not to mention sexual and close it just Don't ADD UP...

Anyway I dediced Saturday I'm be nice and friend we had fun Saturday we haven't had fun since 2months we actually was ourselves and had fun she missed it and loved it same with Saturday she said I love it when were like this I love you when your like this.

Well I told you after 2months I changed because I was scared getting hurt now I'm back to old self and because I changed she was scared I'm going to be like her EX.

Anyway Sunday was great to we really get along like old days its just little things like I love you bye etc I miss..

Now today is Monday and she has rang me once and texted me 8 times today in space of 3hours I'm confused...

She text me

"good luck babe and u no u will always hold a special place in my heart no one has eva treated me like u do and im grateful"

Then

"dont worry remember i still love you"

Then

I meant ill still love you if u get beat up and turn ugly"

then

"paul yes I love you as a mate but at least I got feelings for you I still want you in my life don't knock it or would you rather I just did one and said nufin"

then

"I take you because your txtin me dey ent left u 4 dead on d rd den how's it going lol?"

lol im totally confused do she like me more then a friend or not and if not what can i do to help bring her back im not going to give up on her i aint pressuring her im just being me and were like how we was in old days now....

And my friend who helped us alot in our relationship said he aint going to help us no more if i want her back i got to get her back myself and she said "yeah"

Could this be hinting it is up to me.

Is there hope?

[chuff]

I don't think she has a clue what she wants. I also don't think she's worth any more time investing yourself into. She goes back and forth on everything and she's more of a headache then anything else.

[shygrneyzs]

You admitted that you both rushed into the relationship with LOTS of baggage! Baggage that had not been dealt with before getting so intimate again and taking the chances of repeating previous behavior.

I do not know how you want to review this for your past - but count it an educational experience in what can happen when you leap before looking and use chemistry as a foundation of a relationship, instead of allowing the relationship to develop naturally. You zinged and then you went zang. Then poof!

Please allow this girl some time to mature. She has many issues to work through and she may not ever get past her past. I really hope she does seek some professional help, as she will most likely repeat her past again and again. You have issues also - jealousy, clingy behavior, attaching too quickly, making the other person feel responsible for your happiness. You need some time to mature also. I am not saying that as a ding but as some advice. Get to know yourself, get to like yourself, and find out what you are truly seeking in a relationship.

You two may never meet again, may never hook up again. But maybe in five years your paths cross. No one knows the future. So do not count on it. You only have today and so you work on today and you work on yourself. You can only make yourself happy and you can only make yourself miserable. You choose. Good luck.

[gin2007]

Well at the moment were speaking everyday but yesterday she admitted she loves me and wants me but is too scared at the moment which is understandable she said she didn't want me keep "nagging" about me and her if she loved me and since she said she don't I have well...

Changed a lot and really sorted myself out I'm give her freedom and chill out relax and take it slow as friends until she is sure I'm worth the risk... *of me hitting her that is even though I wouldnt* she said she will be my girlfriend one day again just not yet and seeing we rushed into it it is best to start SLOWLY again as friends and maybe month or so little bit more but SLOWLY...

I think I learnt my lesson wish me luck.

[shygrneyzs]

She is not "worth the risk". Not unless she can show you, honestly show you she has come to terms with her past relationship and dealt with the abuse. Meaning - getting professional help - one does not "get over" that by themselves. You need to be ready to show her that you have matured into a responsible person. The behavior you described in your first post is more like pre teen, needy, over zealous, dependent, jealousy driven, and insecure attachment.

[chuff]

She says she loved you yesterday but who knows what she'll say next week. You are being brought down to play these games that she's playing as opposed to bringing her up to you level of knowing what you want. If she doesn't know then let her go and cut your losses because of the two choices, bring you down or her coming up you will lose. That's the reality of these situations.