[cakeyoukai]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four years now.

To give y'all some scientific information, I'm currently using Implanon (a progesterone-based contraceptive) which was renewed July this year and lasts for three years. I don't know how badly this effects sex drive so I'm throwing it in there, but please consider other things as well in your advice (I hate writing everything off as due to my contraceptive!)

I have no sex drive. I don't think I ever have. I am in love with my boyfriend; I love being around him, his quirks, everything about him. I love being close physically to him and I love kissing him. However, sex is just... if I can get out of it, I will. I have sex extraordinarily rarely and when I do it's purely to keep him sweet (I know that my lack of drive is a problem and I don't want him to break up with me over it). Not just penetrative sex; oral sex and even just foreplay I seem to have to rally myself into doing.

At the same time, he's brought it up, and is having obvious concerns about his performance / the fact that I'm always too tired / can't be bothered even when he's making lots of effort. He's playing it like it's his fault which, of course, makes me feel even worse about myself. I feel like there's something inherently wrong with me.

I've never orgasmed through penetrative sex and it's quite a painful process for me, which I often say is why it takes a long time for me to have sex again; however, I feel sometimes as if I'm hiding behind this excuse.

Is there anything I can do to remedy this?