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sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:18 AM

Please don't include any names or tags.
A friend really needs advice...

THE SITUATION::

Me (a fem) been dateing this female (a stud) for some time, months, she's a great person never
Disrespects me or get out of line. She did explain to me she was expecting a baby from a
Girl that is going to sign all rights to her and then leaving back to her home
State... I finally get the courage to drive up and see/meet her and realize she's
The one who's caring the baby. She explains to me she was rapped.
My feelings didnt&wont change and I understand why she keeped it from me.
I reasured her that I wouldn't have judged her and still don't. But now that we did
Make it official I wounder if this will offect me... us... how or what can I
Do to support her knowing she's closed and doesn't really talk to me about feelings
And certain things. ):

Kahani Punjab · Oct 24, 2012, 06:26 AM

Sweet Girl (born in 1988)

Welcome to this beautiful site, first!

"expecting a baby from a girl?" How can that be possible?
Both are females, your friends a businesswoman or anything else, and her girlfriend is a student. Is not it?
Your friend wants to be 'her' friend... okay! No problem. However, they (both the girls) must clarify everything in advance, and must share and clear everything. This will help in strengthening the relationship.

What exactly does she want?

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:30 AM

I guess you can say I am expecting a baby from my girlfriend... which again was rapped.

J_9 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:30 AM

Yes, Kahani, she is a lesbian who got raped by a man and now she is pregnant. She lied to the OP. That's not the basis of a good relationship.

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:36 AM

@kahani. We have sat and talked about te situation. I forgave her and her thing was she didn't want to be judged... she is a female who never had sex with a man at all... so she was a virgin when the rap happened and my thing is I am afraid shell shut down on me when the baby comes... I am her for her I won't turn my back on her she wants to build this relationship and I am whilling to as well.

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:38 AM

@j9 I know it's a bad start but put yourself in her shoes... shes a tom boy never been with a man looks and dresses like one and rapped by a man... how can a man rap a woman that looks like him.? But I guess there's sick people in this world..

J_9 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:44 AM

First of all, she was raped, not rapped.

How did this rape occur? Was it a violent rape or was she at a party? Also, she did have sex with a man as she was raped and is pregnant.

Your relationship began with a lie, so I'm really not believing her story here.

Kahani Punjab · Oct 24, 2012, 06:50 AM

Sweet Girl (born 1988)

That I got it. Why not sit together and sort our the things? I mean, if you tell your partner everything in black and white... everything will be crystal clear, and you will certainly get 'her' love and dedication, respect and everything. Human beings have the tendency to be judgemental, but to some extent. Just be clear, it is the first step. Say sorry for the lies, if they took place earlier. Come clear. Come black and white. Come white. Then start the relationship anew. It may be a bet, but the best bet. Then, let us see what happens, but at least we should not leave any stone unturned.

Tell 'her' everything and seek pardon.

Good luck!

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:53 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

First of all, she was raped, not rapped.

How did this rape occur? Was it a violent rape or was she at a party? Also, she did have sex with a man as she was raped and is pregnant.

Your relationship began with a lie, so I'm really not believing her story here.

OK not sure why you are being so hostile about this question and answer but if you can't be I guess "friendly" I really don't need any advice from you... no one is perfect and I really don't need the sarcasm.

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:56 AM

@kahani... thank you so much... this has helped me a lot. Its emotional for me because I really do want this to work... I will take your advice and hopfully she opens up more to me.

J_9 · Oct 24, 2012, 06:57 AM

Wow, Kahani, you have it all mixed up. The OP didn't lie, her partner did. The OP has nothing to say sorry about or "come clear," "come black and white." The OP did nothing wrong, her partner did.

This relationship, in the end, will not last as it is based on lies and deceit.

I guess you can say I am expecting a baby from my girlfriend...

No, you aren't because this baby is not genetically yours. If she was raped as you say she was this relationship is a recipe for disaster.

Prior to this encounter when you "drove up" to meet her, had you never met her in person before? How do you know then she is what she says she is. She's already lied about the pregnancy, I wouldn't be too trusting about the rest of her story.

Kahani Punjab · Oct 24, 2012, 07:03 AM

Sweet Girl,

You are so sweet. Do not worry.

Have you got my reply proper? Does my post help you? Just carry on, if you have any other query or question.

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 07:06 AM

@j9... you do have some reason. But meeting and speeking with her family.. mother grandmother etc I am pretty sure there not going to lie and make things up.. I understand there are still things to be worked on and talked about and no I didn't she lives kind ov far and I was in no rush to meet her face to face... even if she dressed like a straight woman it really wouldn't matter.whats done is done.. but @kahani . U do have it mixed up but I understand what you are trying to say.

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 07:10 AM

@kahani. I really am a sweet girl and all ov this has just taken me for surprise... its overwhelming to me . I know my girlfriend is a good person and doesn't have her famaliy there for her like she needs them to be. She's always told me if she has a baby she wants me to be a mother figure to her child being that I am a mother ov a 7yr old. I have no problem being that to this new baby at all I just hope everything will be OK with my girlfriend emotionally after all she's been truw and going truw.

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 07:15 AM

@j9
"No, you aren't because this baby is not genetically yours."

.? Really.? And how is that. Because sweetheart my father is not my "genetic" at all and he is who raised me who feed me took me to school took me to the hospital when I was sick... not even on my birth certificate and divorced from my mother and IS STILL MY FATHER.! So that genetic bull you can keep. l: please.!

J_9 · Oct 24, 2012, 07:18 AM

OK not sure why you are being so hostile about this question and answer but if you can't be I guess "friendly" I really don't need any advice from you... no one is perfect and I really don't need the sarcasm.

I'm not being hostile. I'm being serious. Was the rape due to a violent occurrence?

There was no sarcasm intended. We just need to get the entire picture in order to answer appropriately.

J_9 · Oct 24, 2012, 07:21 AM

@j9
"No, you aren't because this baby is not genetically yours."

.? Really.? And how is that. Because sweetheart my father is not my "genetic" at all and he is who raised me who feed me took me to school took me to the hospital when I was sick... not even on my birth certificate and divorced from my mother and IS STILL MY FATHER.! So that genetic bull you can keep. l: please.!

Yup, and my husband is adopted as are 2 of his siblings. Seriously? You never even met this girl face to face until the day you found out she lied to you. Now you are trying to claim this child as your own?

sweetgirl88 · Oct 24, 2012, 07:57 AM

Well it was do to a party... she believes something in her drink... she doenst remember.. it was a house party... but no didn't meet her till that day, we always talked. cyber chats/ talked on oovoo with her and her fam etc. and no, I never said I was claming anyone's child simply stated I will be here for her and not judge her. And if my girlfriend is having this baby and he will only be around me and my family I will be playing a major role in his life... so YES we are expecting a baby. I don't see the problem... am I missing something.?

ScottGem · Oct 24, 2012, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by sweetgirl88

ok not sure why you are being so hostile about this question and answer but if u can't be i guess "friendly" i really dont need any advice from you.... no one is perfect and i really dont need the sarcasm.

First, please don't presume to dictate who can or cannot respond to your posts. As long as the post do not violate our rules (in which case report it) any response is valid.

Second, J_9 has made some very good points. You started saying you were "dateing" this girl when in fact you were only talking online. She lied to you if she said that she was expecting a baby from another girl. Its not clear whether that meant she was pregnant or another girl was carrying a baby for her. In the first case, its biologically impossible, in the second its legal minefield. But when you met you found out she was carrying the baby, and she claims it was the result of a rape. Did she report it to the police?

Third, as J_9 said this will not ever be your genetic child. It may become your legal child if the law allows.

But the bottom line is that this relationship started on a bad foot. Can you recover and make a go of it, maybe, I don't know. If you want to try go ahead, but tread VERY carefully and don't make any legal commitments until you are sure of the facts.

Cat1864 · Oct 24, 2012, 08:54 AM

Originally Posted by sweetgirl88

well it was do to a party.... she belives something in her drink... she doenst remember.. it was a house party...but no didnt meet her till that day, we always talked., cyber chats/ talked on oovoo with her and her fam ect. and no, i never said i was claming anyones child simply stated i will be here for her and not judge her. and if my girlfriend is having this baby and he will only b around me and my family i will be playin a major role in his life... so YES we are expecting a baby. i dont see the problem...am i missing something.???

Sweetgirl, how long have you known her? How far away do you live from her? How often do you see her? If you live in different places, how is she going to be 'around' your family?

How far along is her pregnancy? Did she press charges on the rapist? Is she getting help with the rape? Is she dealing with it or trying to ignore that it happened?

When you say 'be there for her', what does that phrase mean to you?

I think this 'relationship' is moving too fast. I suggest being her friend and not trying to be her girlfriend at this time. Between the rape and pregnancy, her emotions and mental state should be all over the place. She does not need to add the stress of trying to start a romantic relationship. She needs to heal.

For your sake, hers and her baby's, do not become a crutch or bandage. Give her support if you feel you can without expecting too much in return. Encourage her to get counseling and help from those who are trained in helping rape victims.

Take care of yourself or you won't be able to help her take care of herself.