[irky]

Long story short version.
Been with my boyfriend for a year, we're in love and live together. He bought me a beautiful promise ring for our anniversary. Pretty average sex life except that I practically have to for it. I'm not even able to get him in the mood. There's nowhere I can touch him, nothing I can say or do that'll have any impact on him. When we first started dating we had sex about every other day, and then as happens in all relationships, there was less sex. No big deal, except that time we went 2 weeks and he didn't even hint at wanting to touch me. He doesn't have a history of cheating, quite the opposite, he's always been faithful (I know some of his ex's.) He works 10 hour days 4 days a week, so at first I understood when he started saying how tired he was and how much pain he was in. But now that's all I ever hear, that and he's just not in the mood. I've tried everything I can think of to accommodate him, I don't even hint that I'm in the mood until he's well rested and never after a certain time of the night so that I don't cut into his sleep. I don't want to leave him, and actually have no intention of it. But I've gone through all the possibilities. I put on weight this winter, is it that? Or I'm not as much of a housewife since I too have a job, maybe he's depressed since that's been a problem for him in the past. Maybe I'm too pushy or we're moving to fast, but he says no to all those things. I love him so much and I know he loves me, but it makes me feel really low when he doesn't want to have sex with me. When I finally get him to have sex with me, he doesn't want anything to do with foreplay and most of the time isn't even in the mood, he's just doing it because I want to. I know he doesn't want to because he tells me at some point. So I'm just wondering, is sex really that important or am I just being overly sensitive?

[bronzebabe]

Sex IS important, and it sounds like he has a low sex drive... sugguest he see the doctor to see if there is something wrong with his hormones, and tell him that you would like to have sex a bit more often...i hope it helps!

[Parajr]

If sex is important to you then yes it is important. His problem could be the result of many things. I don't think you shoud go into a marriage until you know what the root of the problem is. You are only setting yourself up for a failed marriage if you do.

[Fr_Chuck]

It is as important as it is.

If both of you don't care, then it is not important, but obviously it is bothering you, and you are starting to try and blame yourself for his sex drive,

I would say that you both could use a marriage couselor ( OK know you are not married) but it still helps build relationships.

[Tuscany]

Talk to him about your concerns. Communication with each other is so very important, why not start with this. He might not know that you are frustrated with the lack of sex, the two of you might be able to come up with your own solution. However, if that does not work, I agree with Fr. Chuck, seek outside help.

[ordinaryguy]

maybe he's depressed since that's been a problem for him in the past.

It sounds like this would be a good guess. Don't assume it's something you did/didn't do. Talk to him honestly and seriously. Get help, together and/or individually. Yes, it is important to you, so it's important.

[BigCityDreams007]

All I can Say Is Don't blame yourself... He should really look into seeing a dr

[robertsqueen]

Sexual intamacy in a relationship is important. If you are having problems there then you are having problems in your relationship. I would sit down and communicate to him that you feel hurt when he refusses or dosne't put any effort into it. Communication is the most important part of a relationship.