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rgmcneely · Oct 7, 2012, 03:57 AM

I have a 56 year old son who has been sober for 6 months and is presently living with us. He has been with us for two months, following a 4 month jail sentence for DUI. He is unkempt and has poor hygiene. He has a suspended driver's license. He is jobless and though I have driven him to job service, my perception is that he doesn't want to work. His presence has put strain on our marriage, and as a Christian, I don't want to put him out on the street, so I seek advice from others.

JudyKayTee · Oct 7, 2012, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by rgmcneely

I have a 56 year old son who has been sober for 6 months and is presently living with us. He has been with us for two months, following a 4 month jail sentence for DUI. He is unkempt and has poor hygiene. He has a suspended driver's license. He is jobless and though I have driven him to job service, my perception is that he doesn't want to work. His presence has put strain on our marriage, and as a Christian, I don't want to put him out on the street, so I seek advice from others.

I was not aware that Christians can't practice tough love, and that's what he needs.

The only way to stop him from taking advantage of you is to stop your behavior which enables him to take advantage of you.

Perhaps being sober is step #1 and now step #2 is personal hygiene or finding a job or something else. Is he sober through a group such as AA?

You can also join one of the AA family support groups - they've dealt with this before.

I think you need to set some goals for him and limits for you.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 7, 2012, 07:12 AM

As a Christian, the bible says, he who will not work, does not eat.

It also gives a man very clear instructions on hygene and character.

Kicking him to the street is very Christian, in that, a Christian helps those who are trying, but does not help those who are no accepting to change.

Set strict rules,
1. hygene, if there is no hygene, don't even show up at the table to eat.
2. house hold duties, he has to work around the house, make some duties,
Including doing his own laundry, cleaning the house, cleaning outside the house, taking trash out and more.
3. Unkept, not sure what it is, but if he is not shaving or keeping his hair, see Number One.
If it is clothes, take him to Good Will or one of the thrift stores and get him a few outfits for 30 dollars and expect him to be clean and neat.

If he will not do these things, he is on the street in a week in my house.