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forgotten · Mar 10, 2007, 09:06 AM

Hi
I was the sole custodian of both my children from ages 3 and 5 to last year ages 13 and 15. The ex really had limited contact. When my now present husband was posted for a 1 year assignment the children went to live with their father per their choice.
It has been hard to be apart but they want nothing to do with me- they do not answer the daily emails I sent or return my calls. Neither does my ex husband. Under NZ law we are both guardians and both have a say on their upbringing but he completely cuts me out. He has even arranged for my 15 yr old to travel alone to Asia.
My heart is breaking as I put all into their upbringing. I was PTA chairperson and was parent help in their schools. My ex did nothing. To make it worse the ex is now having a child with his new wife. What can I do. My family say to cut off contact until they want to get in touch with me but easier said then done. I am in the US for 1 year.
Many thanks

JoeCanada76 · Mar 10, 2007, 10:16 AM

First of all how do you know that your children disowned you? This could be your ex controlling everything they say and do. Many situations with exes have their children turn against the other parent. I know it sounds like their choice but how could they truly make that choice for themselves if they did not even know this man hardly. Does not make sense to me. Also what does your husband going on assignment for one year have to do with your kids going else where?

Joe

talaniman · Mar 10, 2007, 11:17 AM

Hi forgotten, I can feel your pain and know your having a hard transition from full time care giver, to empty nester. Relax. They may not keep in touch everyday like you want, but they will be in contact. For you its time to enjoy your freedom and do the things you have always wanted, and see the people of the world, and join in all the funstuff. Back off them for now and get into the brand new you.

airbats-goku · Mar 10, 2007, 11:46 AM

I agree with Jesushelper76. If you have family near your kids try having them get into contact with your kids. If your ex refuses them access then you might need to look into other actions. Your kids are at the age now where if they really want to do something, they'll do it. They can be more clever at this age than you may think. They may not realise that their Dad has cut off contact with you, but when they do they will find a way to get in touch with you. Keep an eye on the situation and if you don't hear from them in a few weeks then see if you and your current hubby can arrange for you to return to NZ for an impromptu visit with your children.

s_cianci · Mar 10, 2007, 12:58 PM

I agree with your family. Let the children realize what they're missing. Then they'll want to have contact with you. It's not something you can force on them, they've got to realize it for themselves.

forgotten · Mar 10, 2007, 09:01 PM

My husband has been posted here in the USA and my ex refused to let the children come for 9 months. They were going to go home in the summer break for 3 month to be with him. I forgot to mention my ex is a multi-millionaire. The kids think my current husband and I are the epitamy of boring.
Thanks for the comments

guitargal · Mar 11, 2007, 01:37 AM

My advice is to back off and let them come to you, and believe me they will. The last thing a rebellious teen wants is a "parental" bossing them around. Make them feel like getting in contact with you is their idea.