[innocentman]

Have been married for just over two years to a Chinese lady who has a teenage daughter. We met and married relatively quickly as she was here on a two year guardian visa whilst her daughter completed her studies who then was to go onto university under her own student visa, where as the mother would need to return to China.

Just a few months prior to the end of visa is when we met and with 2-3 months we were married, living together and had applied for residency visas.

This lady was not overly keen on sex and being intimate, but in the last 6-8 months sex has gone from the relationship and the usual gestures of affection are little to none. For goodnight kiss or the kiss goodbye for work I am presented with her cheek.

Having past [bad] experiences with women who have done the wrong thing to me, I am very sensitive as to whether I am being blind to yet another.

I would welcome your viewpoint

[decarlo123]

Would she have been sent back to china if the marriage ended with in that time frame.

[Enigma1999]

Seems like a scam. I could be wrong, but based on your story, that's what I get from it. Two to three months is very early to marry. Geez it takes me two or three months to even let a man to grab my boob. Get my point?

Question though, have you talked to her about your concerns?

[innocentman]

would she have been sent back to china if the marriage ended with in that time frame.

I am sure immigration would have taken a dim view, so I guess she would have had visa rejected

Seems like a scam. I could be wrong, but based on your story, that's what I get from it. Two to three months is very early to marry. Geez it takes me two or three months to even let a man to grab my boob. Get my point?

Question though, have you talked to her about your concerns?

Yes. A voice in my head keep's telling something's not right. But then I try to justify with 'maybe different culture, strange country, difficult language'

I am such a soft touch, so angry with myself sometimes [most times]

Thanks

I have tried to talk but somehow she manages to start making reference to something entirely in her attempt to answer... almost like answering 'What time is it' with 'oh it is sunny today'?? %$# The confusion then leads to argument then nothing is said.

[talaniman]

Start with getting a translator to take the frustration out of communicating, or sign up for some language classes, or sign her up. Or you both go to a class.

[Enigma1999]

Yes, Tal is right. Try learning her language and vice versa.

Perhaps some counseling for you both.

How are things when you have dinner together or go out shopping together? Just doing usual every day things? Is there ANY type of communication? When you try to kiss her goodbye, do you grab her gently? When she offers her cheek, do you move her face to kiss her on the lips? If so, how does she react?

See, it could be a cultural thing, and it could be a scam. For your own peace of mind you really need to find out, because you don't want to spend the rest of your life in a marriage that has no passion!

[innocentman]

Yes, Tal is right. Try learning her language and vice versa.

Perhaps some counseling for you both.

How are things when you have dinner together or go out shopping together? Just doing usual every day things? Is there ANY type of communication? When you try to kiss her goodbye, do you grab her gently? When she offers her cheek, do you move her face to kiss her on the lips? If so, how does she react?

See, it could be a cultural thing, and it could be a scam. For your own peace of mind you really need to find out, because you don't want to spend the rest of your life in a marriage that has no passion!

I agree guys thanks. To answer a couple of questions.. She tries her best basically not to kiss on lips, and you are right, no passion whatsoever, even when I try to talk about it she takes the conversation in a different direction like deflecting. We have dinner together on some nights but her evening shift work interferes with that mostly. Rarely go shopping together. Communication has dwindled over the short time. She goes to bed quite early with no hint that she wants me there. Just a peck on the cheek and gone to bed. She always showers in her daughters bathroom across the hall rather than our ensuite. Everything seems to point to her not having any interest or affection toward me. It is soul destroying. Anyway, thanks for your input everyone.

[talaniman]

Well if you can't even talk about it, then its never going to change.

[Enigma1999]

My heart goes out to you.

I can't imagine a marriage without communication, companionship, trust, laughs, giggles, passion, lust, hand holding, small kisses... the list goes on and on.

Time to rerthink this and draw up some divorce papers...