[sweenytodd]

My grandma adopted me and my sister in 2004. My dad is deceased and my mother is not a fit parent, and is not in the picture. My grandma has never been the nurturing type, but I always thought this was normal. I feel the abuse has been going on for years. When I was young, I had a sleeping disorder, and my Doctor suggested I did it for attention and my Grandma should make me exercise to tire me out. She would yell at me and call me names while she made me exercise. If I was still awake in the middle of the night, she would tell me to go to the garage, which is not connected to the house and squrriels live in. After about 5 or 10 minutes of being in the garage, she would make me come back in, and I would go to sleep. When I cry, she says I'm being a baby. I'm 16 by the way. She calls me names, such as a B***h, she often tries to hit me when we are argueing. I cover my face when she gets close and I think she is going to hit me. She will try to get my face, but as I'm covering it, I will normally curl into a ball if I'm sitting, or turn my back if I am standing. When she hits me it's usually because I said something she didn't like, or I yelled at her. I will admit, I do yell at her, and I should't, but I can only hold my tongue for so long. I used to be depressed and I was once a cutter, I cut myself for 3-4 years, and I was in counceling after my Grandma found out. She recently started going through my things again, and everything she finds she assumes I'm cutting myself. She says I only cut myself to be a follower because two of my friends were also cutters, I point out that I had started cutting before them. She told me I sound like Im bragging about it, when in no way am I proud of myself, I wish I could take it back. She says I should be ashamed of myself, and that she is ashamed of me, and my dad would be too. She says the way I walk is disgusting, she calls me ignorant (the definition of this is the lack of knowledge), a punk (the definition of this is a worthless person), a b***h, an idiot, an A** hole, a pig. I don't sleep around with guys, I just broke up with my boyfriend actually. She throws him up to me. I ask her to stop and she won't. If I ask her to stop talking about my cutting, she won't. I stopped cutting two years ago by the way. If she is yelling at me and I reply to her calmly, and seriously, she says I'm being sarcastic, and I'm not. She is threatening to take me out of my school and sell our house if I don't change my attitude. When her and I are argueing, and I'm yelling at her (once again, I know I should't) she will threaten to knock my teeth down my throat. I try to tell her that the things she says are hurtful, and she tells me to grow up. My cousin, who is 30, lived with us two years ago and agreed that she is emotionally abusive. But I want someone else's opinion before I talk to a guidance counselor. I love my Grandma, and I don't want to hurt her, but I feel she is abusive and I shouldn't have to live this way. I don't know what to do...

[sweenytodd]

Please comment, I would really like some advice

[joypulv]

Where do you live? Laws vary.
Whether she is abusive or sounds abusive isn't going to help much when you are 16, but you can talk to a counselor. You most likely won't be placed elsewhere unless there are physical signs of abuse, marks on your body, or proof you were locked in a closet or something. Yelling might be abuse but doesn't count under the law, and you are old enough to evade her attempts to slap you. I'm sorry it's an unloving and miserable existence, and that you had no parents. Bide your time until you are 18, and work on plans for what you will do as soon as you are free. Try to save every penny you can from part time jobs. Talk to friends about sharing a cheap place to rent.

[sweenytodd]

I live in Florida

[ang13]

Hi ,
I live in england so I know nothing about laws in Florida.
Your grandma sounds horribly abusive to me, no one should be made to go outside at night into a dark garage and she is making threats with what she says about knocking your teeth out and selling the house. Its not right!
I don't know your situation but it sounds like that's how she keeps control over you. Your doctor sounds old fashioned too! I think at 16 you should be able to see a doctor alone and perhaps change your doctor to one a friend or relative could recommend.
Definitely go and speak to a counsellor, they can help you in many ways and unless they think your in great danger, they will only try to help you find a way out of your situation yourself. Also try to talk to a relative and see if they can help you out? I don't think your grandma will ever change so I would suggest try and keep out of her way and like it was mentioned before me, plan a way out of your situation by planning a move away.
I think your in a vicious circle with the shouting back at her, its retaliation and its very understandable in the circumstances. You probably want to stand up for yourself and you feel its all unfair, which it is and your right to feel that way. But, I strongly think you should just keep your head down and try to control yourself when you feel yourself wanting to shout back, it doesn't help the situation and its best to keep calm and keep out of her way. Its very hard but try not to make matters worse for yourself.
Concentrate on finding a way of leaving home safely one day. Please don't put yourself in danger by doing this without any help from another relative or good friend. As you get older there maybe jobs you can take with accommodation or joining one of the american services? Just an idea, but look into some possibilities.
I was in an abusive relationship for 20 years, the first 15 I spent standing up for myself and calling names back at my ex. I'm not proud of myself for that. But I learnt in the last few years to stay quiet when verbal attacks happened, walk away and let him have his angry time. I learnt to ignore him. Eventually I found a way of leaving him and although I loved him, it was a disfunctional relationship and now I'm glad I moved away from him. My life is peaceful now.
Take care and good luck for a very happy adult life. I hope when you finally get away from your grandma, that you learn from this and understand there are some troubled people who take their anger out on others. I feel sorry for those people who can't be happy, make a promise to yourself that you will never shout and be abusive towards people who you love and are in your family, make sure you have a happy future and only be with people who treat you well! X

[afarensis]

I am a 30 year old woman who grew up with her grandparents. My grandmother was verbally and physically abusive. Your grandmothers actions sound very similar to mine. The law is on your side and you are not alone in this. You need to tell a teacher and your guidance counselor immediately you are being abused. Also, see if your 30 year old cousin can help you report your grandmothers abuse. Any adult that does not report the abuse of a child will get in serious trouble with the law. I was very afraid to stand up for myself and tell someone I was being abused. I was afraid of what consequences my grandmother would face if I told someone the awful things she was doing to me. Finally my friends mother and a teacher called the police and told them what was happening. Be brave and know you need to report this and it is the right thing.

[afarensis]

Florida Abuse Hotline at 1-800-962-2873
Abuse Hotline | Florida Department of Children & Families
The website states:
"Legislation, signed by Gov. Rick Scott, requires any individual who suspects that a child has been abused by any person to report that to the Florida Abuse Hotline. Any allegations a child was abused or neglected by a caregiver will be investigated by the Department of Children and Families, while allegations of child abuse by someone other than a caregiver will be accepted at the Hotline and immediately electronically transferred to the appropriate local law enforcement agency where the child lives.

Penalties for those who suspect a child is being abused but fail to report it have been increased from a misdemeanor to a felony. "