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gwaters07 · Sep 26, 2012, 01:24 PM

My husband and I were living in Missouri and he decided that he wanted to end the relationship because I had a problem with depression and he didn't want to deal with it anymore. I was at a psychiatric hospital when he arranged with other people he worked with in the Air Force for me to go straight to the airport from the hospital the day I was released. Left me with no choice and feeling very hurt. After I went to CA I have been living with my dad and my husband is trying to get full custody with only supervised visits for me and he wants to keep everything too and knows that since I was a stay at home mom and have no money saved that I am going to have a hard time fighting this on my own. I don't know what I need or how to fight this or who to talk to. Any advice at all would be much appreciated.

antoinette12508 · Sep 26, 2012, 09:25 PM

I know that you should file before him and really all he has to do is prove hat you're an unfit mom, just start looking for at least a part time job to show you can work and know that, not that I'm saying you do anything but just putting it out there, that there not going to let someone who uses drugs have the kids... So maybe even request your x to get a drug test... Idk but I hope what I do know helps...

Fr_Chuck · Sep 27, 2012, 03:04 AM

First, you decided to leave, there is no way he can force a grown women to leave. Esp if you left without your child. Personally I would go back and get my child and not listen to what he says.

So yes he is trying to get everything, that is what people do in a divorce, he tries to get everything, you try to get everything, you fight in court and it gets nasty.

So you hire an attorney, file for divorce, file for custody of the child, file for child support and alimony.

ScottGem · Sep 27, 2012, 03:14 AM

Shop around for an attorney, given the circumstances you may find one who will be able to have him pay your legal fees.

Also try women's support groups, some offer free legal counsel.

What do you mean they left you no choice? Did they physically force you to get on the plane?

antoinette12508 · Sep 27, 2012, 06:28 AM

In a situation like this I think this lady did the right thing by just listening to her x and leaving, why have all that tension with a child in the picture, I do hope you have your child with you, the mother is the person in most cases who gets the child till the custody hearing, also you can get your child till there is a DNA test done, even if you know 100 percent he is the father, that's a way to get your child back through your door, just try not to stress yourself out too much and look into a good lawyer

AK lawyer · Sep 27, 2012, 06:30 AM

Originally Posted by gwaters07

... my husband is trying to get full custody with only supervised visits for me and he wants to keep everything too ...

Has he filed for divorce? If so, I assume it's in Missouri.

It may be possible under Missouri law to get an award of "suit money" to pay at least part of the costs of an attorney. Especially if he has JAG support. Call several Missouri attorneys and see.

ScottGem · Sep 27, 2012, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by antoinette12508

In a situation like this I think this lady did the right thing by just listening to her x and leaving, why have all that tension with a child in the picture, I do hope you have your child with you, the mother is the person in most cases who gets the child till the custody hearing, also you can get your child till there is a DNA test done, even if you know 100 percent he is the father, that's a way to get your child back through your door, just try not to stress yourself out too much and look into a good lawyer

Really? And what laws do you base this on? First, they are married, assuming the child was born during this marriage, he is the legal father. So there is no need for DNA testing at all. As the legal father he has the same rights to the child as the mother, at least until a court orders otherwise.

Remember, the OP just got out of a psychiatric hospital, so her ability to care for the child could be in question. And while I agree that the mother usually gets primary custody, the mental health of the OP could cause her issues.

Finally, no she did not do the right thing by leaving. She is entitled to live in the marital home until a divorce court says otherwise. If the father becomes a danger, she can force him to move out until a court sorts things out. By abandoning her child she has weakened her case for primary custody.

Its nice that you want to help our members, but we take pride in the accuracy and quality of the advice given here, especially when it comes to questions in the technical forums like Law. Please be more careful about the accuracy of your advice.

antoinette12508 · Sep 27, 2012, 10:17 AM

You do know she can easily ask for a paternity test. I know this from a few of my close friends have went through it, and with the help of my social worker. Personally I do think that she made the right decision, leaving instead of staying and putting up with more stress since she was so depressed and had to go to the hospital, I think if she did stay she would be going through hell right now, and not only would she be going through it but so wouldent her child also being in a safier and healthier place isent abandoning her child, its taking care of what issues she might have from her relationship. Its OK if you don't care for the advice that I'm giving cause its not advice for you its for this lady who is going through a hard time :)

ScottGem · Sep 27, 2012, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by antoinette12508

You do know she can easily ask for a paternity test. I know this from a few of my close friends have went through it, and with the help of my social worker. Personally I do think that she made the right decision, leaving instead of staying and putting up with more stress since she was so depressed and had to go to the hospital, I think if she did stay she would be going through hell right now, and not only would she be going through it but so wouldent her child also being in a safier and healthier place isent abandoning her child, its taking care of what issues she might have from her relationship. Its ok if you don't care for the advice that I'm giving cause its not advice for you its for this lady who is going through a hard time :)

First, why does she need a paternity test at all? There is NO indication that paternity is an issue. This is a married couple where the husband is looking to set his wife adrift for some reason. The ONLY reason for a paternity test is if paternity is in question. And that might be the issue in the case of an unmarried couple, but not usually a married one. But its not as easy as just asking for one. If either parent refuses then a court has to order the test.

Second, you are entitled to your opinion, but this question was posted in the Family Law forum. As such responses here need to conform to established law. From the standpoint of protecting her rights and her custody of her child, leaving was the wrong thing to do. And yes it IS abandoning her child. She left the state without making any claim on custody. That would be considered abandonment. The OP's question was about her husband trying to take everything from here. Therefore responses need to help her keep him from doing that. Leaving the state was the wrong move to prevent that.

We take pride in the accuracy of the advice given here. Also we have certain standards for answering questions in some forums. Again this is the Family Law forum. Advice needs to conform with the law. From you posts you don't know a lot about Family Law. Your answers might be applicable in another situation, but you are not given accurate legal advice. As a moderator of this site it certain does matter when someone gives incorrect advice as you have done here. Again, I ask that you understand the standards here and that you be more careful with your answers

JudyKayTee · Sep 28, 2012, 06:56 AM

Originally Posted by antoinette12508

In a situation like this I think this lady did the right thing by just listening to her x and leaving, why have all that tension with a child in the picture, I do hope you have your child with you, the mother is the person in most cases who gets the child till the custody hearing, also you can get your child till there is a DNA test done, even if you know 100 percent he is the father, that's a way to get your child back through your door, just try not to stress yourself out too much and look into a good lawyer

What? This isn't a relationship board. It's a legal board. What you think is immaterial.

I'd like to know more about "the mother is the person in most cases who "gets" the child until the custody hearing ..." That is simply not true. The party who is left with the child when the other party leaves has control of the child, and that could be either parent.

This is a married couple, husband and wife. How does "also you can get your child till there is a DNA test done, even if you know 100 percent he is the father, that's a way to get your child back" figure into this? You do know the husband is the legal father by virtue of the marriage, right? I'd like to know how/why your friends had their husbands tested (DNA). Isn't that admitting that the husband may not be the father, causing more problems than it solves?

Law school trumps the experience of your friends, and I very much doubt they were in this same situation.

You continue to post incorrect info on the technical boards. Please - if you don't know, don't post.

EDIT: Sorry, Scott - didn't realize you had posted pretty much the same thing.

JudyKayTee · Sep 28, 2012, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by antoinette12508

You do know she can easily ask for a paternity test. I know this from a few of my close friends have went through it, and with the help of my social worker. Personally I do think that she made the right decision, leaving instead of staying and putting up with more stress since she was so depressed and had to go to the hospital, I think if she did stay she would be going through hell right now, and not only would she be going through it but so wouldent her child also being in a safier and healthier place isent abandoning her child, its taking care of what issues she might have from her relationship. Its ok if you don't care for the advice that I'm giving cause its not advice for you its for this lady who is going through a hard time :)

"This lady" is posting on a legal thread. The advice here is legal. Not caring for your advice isn't the problem. The problem is that your advice is wrong.