[bmmbmm]

Im a 21 year old female living in a small town which I haved lived my whole life. I have a partner who is 22. When I first met him I thought he was amazing. I fell hard for him after not letting any males into my life for about a year after my previous relationship was very toxic... my boyfriend ended up going to jail. Anyway I thought he would never hurt me. I trusted him whole heartedly and promised myself I wouldn't let me previous relationship affect my new one. After my boyfriend moved in with me (we had been together about 8 months) I discovered he had been txting his ex girlfriend and had her name saved under "brian". This was the first time I had ever read his phone. It wasn't really dodgy txtn but it said "trust me i want to txt u right now but i cant" from him to her. He said it was nothing and promised he wouldn't contact her again. Soon after this I discovered he had also been contacting my best friend through text. Again it was kind of dodgy because after I hit her up she must have tx him asking what to say and he had sent back a text saying "shes making out she knows" they told me it was nothing and again I believed them... probably because its what I wanted to believe... It took me a long time to get over it and when I finally did after about a year again he was unloyal and started txting and wanting to meet up with a girl in our town. He would tell her how sexy she was any everything. This whole time I was completely unaware until he left his Facebook logged in. I kicked him out for about a month and then we got back together. My friend who is 21 has just called off her marriage (her wedding was in 2 months) and she is moving overseas. She called it off because she couldn't trust him after he cheated on her about a year ago and she realised she was too young and wanted to do more things with her life. This has really upset my thinking. I can go with her but what about my partner. I know what the obvious answer is... leave him he's stuffed up so many times etc etc but I'm really attached to him. I guess I'm scared that ill regret it if I leave. Every nw and then I get really cut up about what he has done and I feel so mad. Im so scared he's going to do this again and I will make this huge mistake staying here with him. Hes lovely at the best of times but how do I know if he has really changed. I don't want to be on edge all my life. I know though if I break up with him and go its going to hurt him and that really breaks my heart. Some words of wisdom would be much appreciated.

[MrsCreedo]

It sounds to me like you know what you need to do, but you are just scared. Trust me, he thinks he could get away with murder with you. It is never the wrong decision when you decide to stand up for yourself. You teach people how to treat you & when you take him back over & over, you've taught him that this behavior is okay. You will just take him back again. Well, my answer is this: leave! Leave! Leave! I've been there. It sucks, but you move on. One day, he will just feel like a bad dream. Find someone who will be nice to you. :) hang in there, girl! You are worth it.

[joypulv]

You are clinging to a vision of him that never existed - a loyal partner. He hasn't changed and he isn't going to. He certainly isn't going to change when you keep going back to him or forgiving him or believing him. You have a chance to go somewhere! Take it, and don't think about what you might be missing, because it doesn't EXIST. Most of what keeps people clinging to cheaters is the wish for them to fix the wound and prove they are faithful. It never happens.