[thedayafters]

Hey everyone -

I've got a pretty common question I guess. Been dating the same girl for about 14 months and suddenly she needs space. Let me explain the entire situation though.

She's in college so am I and we both used to commute. I decided this year I wanted to go away to school to really experience college. Its my Junior year and I know it was kind of unfair to leave her (at the time we were together about 9 months) but I only was 30 minutes away! She freaked and it wound up in me coming home every single weekend just to see her so that 1. I didn't lose her and 2. to keep her sane. So I got really used to coming home, didn't really like school and became really dependent on seeing her a lot. Also before I went to school we were really close and saw each other constantly, it was great.

On our anniversary (two months ago) she was text messaging while we were out to dinner, wound up being her ex-boyfriend. Which honestly is o.k. with me because they are still really really good friends, they haven't dated her in awhile and I trust her, and her family is still kind of close with him too. So obviously I just asked her to stop cause it was our anniversary and I felt it was kind of rude. So of course being the idiot that I am the second she was gone I grabbed her phone and read the messages (I've regretted this everyday since) they were innocent, but there were some definite questionable ones and I of course confronted her about it. It caused a giant argument and I have been super paranoid about the relationship ever since. Calling 5 times a day and texting throughout the day was never uncommon, we always did that. Since being paranoid though its caused her to flip out, I know I made the initial mistake believe me, but the past couple months she's just been really weird, not as caring, we pretty much lost the things we used to have. She doesn't want to see me as much, which sucks because she pretty much got me super used to coming home from school for her and I really do depend on her friendship and seeing her as well as our relationship.

Now of course, she's asked for space, and I'm having a really hard time giving it to her. I've gotten so used to this intense relationship the idea of not seeing her and the idea of some of those text messages has shattered me. We've talked about it a 100 times and she swears that nothing weird is going on and that she still loves me, but she needs space. I'm confused, how do you go about loving someone so much and then immediately want space? I get the feeling I'm really paranoid but I really don't know what to do. Someone help?

Thanks

[TrueFaith]

well my friend I have been in that place before.. her texting another man while you guys are out to dinner is not very fair.. or loving I mean yeah let her have as much friends as she wants.. but come on you guys are out and she is texting her x? Now and x isn't a firend they never were and they never will be. They have been togther. And we don't do that with all our friends do we..

so the first seed of doubt was planted in your head then. And of course when you got a chance to look at her phone you did.. now that isn't a good thing because a 100% of the time when we look for something like that we are never goint to find something we like. But trust me you would never have done that if she had not been texting her x boyfriend..
she made you paranoide. I would like to know what them text message said because there are many different ones.. but yeah if there's words like I love you and I miss you ill always be here for you, and the use of pet names well that's not a good sign.

deep down you don't trust her anymore hens the reason why things are different. She feels guilty and you don't trust her. That's why you guys are off.

I think you should give her space, that is the most important thing to do. Its hard as hell trust me and it hurts like mad. But in the end it's the best thing for you. And you got to think about yourself in this, if she comes back to you awesome.. but do you want to play second best to an X? I personally think she is keeping the flame alive with him, and with you.. so if one of you don't work out she can go back to you or him, now I know this sounds bad.. but with what I've gone threw.. you text an x your keeping something alive.. your not giving him space..

anyway give her some space and most importantly give yourself some time to think about everything.

I hope everything works out :)

anyway man nothing is wrong with you. She is in the wrong, you was not being rude to ask her to stop man don't ever think that this is your fault.

[talaniman]

Give her space because that's what she wants. Spend the time working on the things you've been neglecting or putting off. I also agree that she never should have been texting an ex while you guys were out. NOT GOOD. Get your life back without her for now, and let the dust settle. Work on your own issues. I wouldn't call for a while and let her think and call you. Its her break let her have it.

[tinsign]

As I just told my son, LET THE GIRL BREATH, yes I would be upset also that she was texting an ex, it was wrong of her when she was with you, but also wrong of you to read them.
Give it time let her come to you now. But also don't sit at home and mope over her go out and have fun.. now if only I can get my son out the door lol.. Am working on that now.