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NicoleLuvsYou · Mar 8, 2007, 06:28 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and I love him with all my heart, except when he goes to the strip club! I will be honest and say that I am a very jealous girlfriend but he is also very jealous. A few months ago he went to the strip club, which I did not have a problem with but he got like 5 lap dances. That I had a problem with. A couple months later he wanted to show me that it was not that bad and took me with a couple of other people. I actually had a lot of fun; I didn’t think I would have a problem with him going anymore. Now he is going in a couple of weeks with his buddies and I find myself getting upset again. I want to show him that if he goes out and has naked girls all over him then I can go out with my girlfriend and have a good time too. I don’t want to go to a male strip club because that is just gross:D What can I do that won't hurt our relationship but makes him think before he goes to the strip club? Thanks for any advice that you guys have!

Montecito_Rise · Mar 8, 2007, 06:44 PM

I am a 29 yr old guy... don't particularly have an affinity for strippers or strip clubs, but I have been plenty of times. This is a guy thing... it doesn't mean he is trying to hook up or anything. This doesn't seem to me to be something worth fighting over... but, if it bothers you that much, try expressing your feelings in a way that doesn't sound like nagging. If he totally disregards your input, then you may have a bigger issue. But getting even is not a good idea & will only cause hostilities to escalate.

talaniman · Mar 8, 2007, 07:40 PM

Where is the honest communication? Revenge will destroy you both, but work together for a solution you can both live with is important to the relationship. No communication, no relationship.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 8, 2007, 08:50 PM

Honestly if he is doing it 3 or 4 times a year while I don't personaly agree with them, I know that in most nothing happens but what you see, they are not hangouts for hookers and the such like a lot of the slam they get.

I knew several dancers who were actually college studetns working their way though school. And the majority I have known actually prefer other females for anything sexual.

Not all I know but for in general.

Why do men want to go, who knows, this maie I am suppose to do it I guess. But it is in basics a stupid activity men do together to come back and lie about how much fun they had the night before.

But if it really bothers you, you and he need to talk about it and work this out.

erichss · Mar 8, 2007, 08:55 PM

Honestly? Most guys will go to strips clubs. One of the est things that a girlfriend/wife can do is have trust that he will not do anything unresponsible, and remember who he is coming home to.

Nohitter410 · Mar 8, 2007, 09:31 PM

It is definitely not a battle worth fighting. I know the perception of strip clubs are such but obviously those clubs in vegas where guys go up to the champaign room are very very small percentage.

I am not a big fan of strip clubs just because doesn't offer me as much as it may for some. Rather try meeting women at a bar then throw money at a girl. But at the same time it is fun bonding time with the fellas and you should feel a lot safer that he is at the strip clubs sitting on his hands getting lap dances then out getting some from some hussie at a bar. He is coming back to you and only you.

No reason to play games... you can maybe tell him it is bothering you that he likes it so much but if he only goes a few times a year no real reason to be bothered. Just take those few days out of the year to get things done you normally couldn't when he is around you.

mrsmoz · Mar 9, 2007, 12:35 AM

He probably has no idea you are feeling this way because you have been there together and you said you had a good time so you need 2 let him no how you feel as soon as possible before it becomes a regular thing for him 2 do! Hopefully he'l see how upset you are and stop going but he could also be pissed off because he might assume you don't trust him, which you probably do right? But just can't stop this jelous feeling! Jelousy is the worst feeling in the world. He needs to know and he should respect your feelings :)
Take care x

Jiser · Mar 9, 2007, 02:56 AM

I went to a strip club, she said it was fine, until I told her I got a private dance - got dumped by my GF - that was the 2nd time. Hah, there was nothing wrong with it I don't think personally. Anyway got back together again. (thank god I am no longer with her now)

It is just a guy thing, doesn't mean anything unless you want more. I never did, it was just a laff with the guys and having fun.

Communicate with your guy and speak to him about how you feel. Maybe its just some reassurance you need.

Squiffy · Mar 9, 2007, 03:41 AM

I took my hisband to a strip club when we were first dating. They areally are not that bad. There is no need to get even, if you have a problem with it, tell him, but there is no point telling he he can't go, you are his girlfriend not his keeper! He will resent you if you start telling him what he can and can't do. Just let him go and have his fun, its not like he is going out and cheating on you with these women, he is just getting a cheap thrill that some people like! Its you he comes home to at the end of the day, and you he makes love to, not these strippers! Have trust in him, show him you love him and try not to be so jealous.

faithl · Mar 9, 2007, 05:56 AM

Sorry but I really wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend went to a strip club of any kind. In fact, I'd never date a guy who wanted to go to one.

This whole excuse of it being a 'male-bonding' exercise isn't good enough. You're going there to oogle half-naked women, and if you have a girlfriend you should have enough respect for her not to go. Going to watch male-strippers isn't the same - when women go to watch male strippers, it's just a laugh. For men, it's to get their rocks off and is much more lecherous. Yes, men and women can be attracted to other people while in a relationship, but a line has to be drawn somewhere.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 9, 2007, 06:15 AM

Originally Posted by faithl

Sorry but I really wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend went to a strip club of any kind. In fact, I'd never date a guy who wanted to go to one.

This whole excuse of it being a 'male-bonding' exercise isn't good enough. You're going there to oogle half-naked women, and if you have a girlfriend you should have enough respect for her not to go. Going to watch male-strippers isn't the same - when women go to watch male strippers, it's just a laugh. For men, it's to get their rocks off and is much more lecherous. Yes, men and women can be attracted to other people while in a relationship, but a line has to be drawn somewhere.

Then honestly you will never date, all guys have some desire at some point to go to one and my rough guess is about 70 percent or higher have gone at least once. And guys oogle over half naked or full naked women all the time it is something in the make up of men

And honestly for 99 percent of the men who go it is more with their buddies and a lot would really rather go fishing but want to be one of the guys with their friends.

You see less at a strip show than you do HBO TV. And what a double standard it is OK for women since it is just for laughs but for men it is different. Men in most of the clubs don't touch the ladies and the ladies there are strippers not hookers.

I am not supporting these places, personally I would see them all closed, but as for as why men go, it is all in the mind.

talaniman · Mar 9, 2007, 06:32 AM

Originally Posted by faithl

Sorry but I really wouldn't be happy if my boyfriend went to a strip club of any kind. In fact, I'd never date a guy who wanted to go to one.

This whole excuse of it being a 'male-bonding' exercise isn't good enough. You're going there to oogle half-naked women, and if you have a girlfriend you should have enough respect for her not to go. Going to watch male-strippers isn't the same - when women go to watch male strippers, it's just a laugh. For men, it's to get their rocks off and is much more lecherous. Yes, men and women can be attracted to other people while in a relationship, but a line has to be drawn somewhere.

What a double standard, since its exactly the same thing!!!!

faithl · Mar 9, 2007, 06:47 AM

So you're saying you could make a comedy about five female strippers? There's a reason why The Full Monty was harmless, and films like Showgirls are not. It IS a different atmosphere. I'd be interested to know how men feel then about women watching naked men cavorting about on stage, and what their boyfriends think. I have plenty of male friends who love women but have no interest or desire in going to a strip club. Does that make them less masculine? At the end of the day it all boils down to respect. If you love and respect your girlfriend you won't feel the need to have some women you don't know wave her bits in your face.

J_9 · Mar 9, 2007, 06:54 AM

Originally Posted by faithl

It IS a different atmosphere.

You're right it is a different atmosphere. I have been to both kinds of strip clubs, many times, I was a waitress at one where there were female strippers a few nights a week and male strippers other nights of the week. Here is the difference.

Men go to spend time with their buddies. This is a place where they know their women probably will not go, so they go to hang out in a place where they won't be nagged.

Now when it was women's night and the men were stripping. Typically all hell broke loose. The women wanted to touch the dancers, the women were WILD! The women go there to watch the men strip.

When the strippers were women and it was men's night, the men were calmer were much more respectable. Unless of course there was a bachelor's party.

faithl · Mar 9, 2007, 07:10 AM

Well anyway this isn't a debate page so I won't get into one, but suffice to say in answer to the original poster I would sit down and explain you feel hurt and why you do. Getting revenge of some kind isn't going to make any difference, and chances are if you did do something similar with girlfriends he wouldn't be bothered. Communication is the key.

Jiser · Mar 9, 2007, 07:46 AM

I am sorry its OK for women and not men? Hypocritical don't you think ?

talaniman · Mar 9, 2007, 08:09 AM

Originally Posted by faithl

Well anyway this isn't a debate page so I won't get into one, but suffice to say in answer to the original poster I would sit down and explain you feel hurt and why you do. getting revenge of some kind isn't going to make any difference, and chances are if you did do something similar with girlfriends he wouldn't be bothered. Communication is the key.

Communication IS the key as all they really have to do is work for a solution they both can agree on.

nikki04 · Mar 9, 2007, 11:35 PM

Originally Posted by NicoleLuvsYou

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half and I love him with all my heart, except when he goes to the strip club! I will be honest and say that i am a very jealous girlfriend but he is also very jealous. A few months ago he went to the strip club, which i did not have a problem with but he got like 5 lap dances. That i had a problem with. A couple months later he wanted to show me that it was not that bad and took me with a couple of other people. I actually had a lot of fun; I didn’t think I would have a problem with him going anymore. Now he is going in a couple of weeks with his buddies and i find myself getting upset again. I want to show him that if he goes out and has naked girls all over him then i can go out with my girlfriend and have a good time too. I don’t want to go to a male strip club because that is just gross:D What can i do that wont hurt our relationship but makes him think before he goes to the strip club? Thanks for any advice that you guys have!

I know you may think its gross, but I think you should go to a strip club with your friends and give him a taste of his own medicine

nldaniels86 · Mar 10, 2007, 05:21 AM

don't go to a strip club to get back at him, show him what he's missing at home!! Get sum sexy lingerie, an show him what he's missing lol!

implodingg · Dec 6, 2008, 10:41 AM

I am in the SAME scenario as you..

We had a big argument over it cause I felt he was respecting my feelings... our current agreement is that we can't try to tell each other how to feel or what to do... meaning I can't tell him not to go, and he can't tell me how to react. I feel worse every time and its totally unjust that we just have to deal with it or lose our man... how could they get an up on us like that? I am working on photographing my own good male porn, hopefully it will help all the women out there who get sick at staring at the same women as their men do. Women have sexual needs that aren't being met... men are having more than enough stimulation... its just not fair...