[AyoTheLioness]

Before I start this, I just want to let you all know that I love animals. Cats get on my nerves, and one even killed my pet mouse last summer, but I still love them all in their own rights. I love rodents especially, and mice even more specifically. In the past I've defended them, given presentations on them, cared for them, complained loudly in petstores, and just loved them wherever I've gone. What happened last night makes me feel like I can never, ever go back to that kind, gentle, mouse-loving person.

We've had a mouse living in our house for a while. The little animal never robbed us of any foodstores, and the worst damage was a few droppings in some places-the mouse's food supply was whatever was easily pilferred from the floor of our house. We bought snap traps and then, later, humane traps. The little creature was too smart for the humane traps, which filled me personally with bravado and pride for one of Mus musculus. However, after this continued to happen, me, the person who loves rodents most of all in the entire family, was employed to bait, set, and dispose of the traps. I acted calm, as if this whole thing were no skin off my nose-but only to keep my parents, my mother especially, from getting upset by my 'sentimentalism'.

I went to bed last night after having laid out the traps, praying our little visitor would be able to resist themselves. Not more than ten minutes after I'd gone to bed, I heard the loud clatter. Sure enough, the mouse had been caught, the trap was so powerful it'd flipped itself over and was resting atop the mouse. I turned the trap over, and started blubbering. I still can't believe that ME, of all people, did something like this. The trap's metal bar had gone all the way through the cartilage and bone of her snout, and had taken an eye out. I released the trap and set her up to be buried. If I had to kill an animal I was so strongly an advocate of, I had to at least be somewhat respectful.

How can I 'redeem' myself? I know most people would think nothing of this-even people who are currently keeping domestic mice, a hair away from being wild, are okay with this. But I've always seen all animals as individuals, not as a coagulated lump of a species. I feel horrible. I'm so disgusted with myself I'm afraid to touch my own pet hamster, I feel 'dirty'. What can I do? What should I do? I feel like one of my own pets has been killed-and I feel like I'm no longer in any place to criticise the cats who've left my family rodent corpses in the past.

Any positive input at all would be very, very much appreciated.

[labman]

In the fall of 2002 I was working on my fence, and kept having a 2x4 fall over. Time after time, I had to stop and pick it back up. It finally hit the 7 week old German Shepherd puppy on the head, that I had just got the day before. Rushing her to the vet, saved her life, but she lost an eye. That disqualified her for the dog guide program. It was in the best interest of the puppy to put her in a home closer to the school's clinic. The school did trust me with another puppy as soon as one was available.

The following spring, my local puppy group attended a showing of the Lion King. It made it much easier for me near the end of the movie where the wise old ape convinced Simba to quit beating up on himself. Circumstances and our decisions often lead to bad outcomes. Afterwards, we can always see a better course. I shouldn't have had the puppy out there where I could drop heavy things on it. We are all flawed human beings. Your situation is more the way the world works than a bad decision on your part. You need to remember all the good things you have done for the mice and other rodents.

The Lab puppy I received to replace the German Shepherd graduated as a dog guide. She was given to a young lady as one of the first dog guides in a large country where dogs are very low status. That is a very demanding placement. I am very proud of her, but yes, I still hurt for the other puppy. That has not stopped me from raising 2 more puppies that are now giving freedom and mobility to the mobility impaired, another dog guide, and now another puppy that will be trained to assist one of a number of impairments. Don't let this unfortunate thing stop your good work.