[amy77]

Hi, I need to let this out here it goes. My BF and I have been dating about 5 yrs. Its been a committed relationship from the beginning and we always spoke about getting married. A few months ago he bought our rings and we put a deposit on our wedding venue. He hasn't formally proposed or wanted to do any other wedding planning. He says we should take things slow, and call of the wedding date. I've told him that if what he wants is no marriage I understand and he says no its just I want more time. So I ask him to meanwhile commit more fully to me by proposing more formally and he says that will come with time that there is no need to rush. I don't understand the sudden change? He doesn't want to break up, he doesn't want to commit, but he wants me to stay.

[C0bra_M3nace]

Situations like this can be extremely confusing. Especially when the only guy who really knows what's going on may or may not be expressing himself completely.

My guess is that he was ready to get married or the thought of it sounded great, but the work and actual commitment set in and he idn't really ready for it.

That's just my guess, there could be a lot of reason why someone would all of a sudden change views on a subject. At this point you might just have to wait it out and see what happens or try and get to the bottom of it.

[amy77]

Thank you for you insight on this extremely confusing matter. I'm going to stick it out for a bit. I feel I've put too much effort to give up now. But u seem spot on, time will tell. Thanks again.

Situations like this can be extremely confusing. Especially when the only guy who really knows what's going on may or may not be expressing himself completely.

My guess is that he was ready to get married or the thought of it sounded great, but the work and actual commitment set in and he idn't really ready for it.

That's just my guess, there could be a lot of reason why someone would all of a sudden change views on a subject. At this point you might just have to wait it out and see what happens or try and get to the bottom of it.

[C0bra_M3nace]

Thank you for you insight on this extremly confusing matter. I'm gonna stick it out for a bit. I feel I've put too much effort to give up now. But u seem spot on, time will tell. Thanks again.

I hope everything turns out well and wish you the best!

[amy77]

So I stuck it out, waited and talked and waited and cried and talked, eventually I saw the truth that he wasn't ready and I was. So we broke up... the next morning he comes back, crying saying sweet things, that he can't be without me, to forgive him and he proposes formally (finally gives me the ring) like I had been wanting for so long. Of course I say yes and this man becomes the same one that made me fall in love.
But little by little he once gain takes me for granted, and now and then says he loves me, only when I say it. And I ask myself why did he come back? I didn't cry, I didn't force him, he was free to live his life. But he came back and I thought it was because he realized I was the one. But he makes a minimal effort to make me happy.
Now that I'm writing this I feel so dum, how can I be so in love yet so un happy... I'm so good to him in every way, he has said it, but it feels like he forgets it.
Our wedding is in 4 months, I love this man.
Maybe too much.

I hope everything turns out well and wish you the best!

[C0bra_M3nace]

Maybe you do love him too much.

My guess is that he feels too comfortable where his life is and doesn't want to change anything, such as, being without you. If he really realized what he lost then he would be making every minute of every day count, or at least he should be.

This is one of those points in your life where you need to think about yourself before all others. Your happiness is what matters most, and if being with him isn't making you happy then why stick around. From the sounds of it, chances are he's not happy either.

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I do hope you get this.

[talaniman]

Marriage is a life changing event, and now that you finally have what you want after 5 years you better start communicating honestly and understand you have moved him from his comfort zone of 5 years.

Yes that means making some adjustments and not be needy and insecure as he wrestles with going from boyfriend to husband, as you must transition from girl friend to wife.

You got your formal proposal, and ring, symbols of the hard work yet to come. For sure it will be a while before the dust settles, and reality can be coped with. Don't let fear and insecurity get I the way and mess up the moments ahead. Takes a life time of work to be happy so enjoy the journey, be it a good day that fills you with hope, or the bad ones that makes you sad.

That's just the reality of life. What you thought a proposal and ring was the key to happiness? Naw its only the beginning of a life together, and a commitment to work your arse off despite your personal issues and feelings. Learn to make these adjustments with dignity and grace, and love and understanding and don't be surprised when some days are tougher than others.

[amy77]

Hi,
Once again after a very sad conversation I come to express myself. Well the relationship ended it just felt like I was forcing the whole process. I love him, but had to ask was he now sure he wanted to marry me and he finally said, "yes I love you, but its not the love your supposed to feel in order to get married". So that hurt incredibly, and it made me realize we both deserve to be equally in love, this case my love wasn't enough. So thank you for your replies, take care.