[Kira123]

So my dad committed suicide 4 years ago (when I was 9)... I am now 13... I read the letter he wrote me regularly and it makes me angry because I don't feel like he gave me enough detail and personal stuff... or memorys or anything... he also added two lamited photos and a book that I don't understand.. its like an atlas or something and a locket that he did give me before he died. He also had like a fling in the complex but I don't think it turned into anything because he was depressed and didn't have enough space (as it says in her letter) I just sometimes feel like he said the same wording that he gave the Flings child except with no love you. Her dad did die but all he really said was don't blame yourself.
When I was 9 and he first died I didn't really feel sad. It was more tear tear done get on with life.. he died on 26 September so it was a Friday and on the Monday I just went to school with a smile on my face.
The next year I felt sadder but it was more he did it for a good reason.
In grade 5 I kind of forgot about it well stopped talking about it
In grade 6 I would think about it and be a little bit angry but never that much
But this year I'm so angry... I slleep later than I should, I know its because I have dreams about him and everything... I'm angry when I think of thim.I just feel like swearing at him up in heaven or hell wherever... I put the radio up on loud and I hate thinking about him but I can't stop? I hate going to phyciatrists even though I want to be one when I grow up. I just feel so angry and indenile at the same tijme.. like did I ever even have a dad?

[Fr_Chuck]

We all grieve at different times and in different ways. It is very possible, after many years at times I see something about my dad that reminds me of him and still mourn.

[JudyKayTee]

... i put the radio up on loud and i hate thinking about him but i can't stop? i hate going to phyciatrists even though i wanna be one when i grow up. I just feel so angry and indenile at the same tijme.. like did i ever even have a dad??

Everyone grieves in a different way. If there were problems in your relationship it is unreasonable to think that his death would/will change that.

Why do you hate thinking about him? You have to think about it in order to work your way through the issues.

Have you seen a Psychiatrist before? If you hate them it is a bad career choice for you - obviously.

What are you in denial about? I don't know if you ever had a Dad. That's something you need to work out. If your father suffered from depression, maybe he did the best he could do under the circumstances?

Grief is individualized. What "works" for me may not be the answer for you. I think you do need to speak to someone.