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jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 08:55 AM

I have been going out with this guy for couple of months now. Our relationship developed very slowly, but it is getting somewhere now. He recently told me that he is not ready for sex. Is it possible? I know he is very sensitive. But, should I be afraid that there is something he is not telling me? Or really he is not ready. Well, I am 32 and he is 34.. Is it possible? I know he likes me. We hang out and touch each other everyday. Very good kisser. Please help me, I really need opinions..

J_9 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:10 AM

Jennifer, I see nothing wrong with this. Actually, it is honorable if he is doing it because he wants to wait for marriage. Yes, he may be 34, but maybe he feels that he is saving it for someone very special on that very special night.

ballengerb1 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:13 AM

He may have had some experiences that left a mark. He may have made mistakes in the past the haunt him and now he wants to go slow. Try it for awhile but not forever. If the relationship does not move forward in the next few months his scaring maybe too deep for you to buy in.

jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:13 AM

I don't think so he is virgin. He had several girlfriends in the past. And I know that he is not religious at all.

J_9 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:16 AM

Well, there you go, you said he is a virgin. Just because he wants to wait does not mean he is a religious man. Many people wait for their wedding night for their own personal reasons. Religion is not always the only reason.

jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:17 AM

Sorry u got it wrong! He is not a virgin! He used to live with a girlfriend.

ballengerb1 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:19 AM

A little voice in my head says there might be something big going on in the head of a 34 year old virgin. I do not advocate pre-marital sex but this situation seems a bit unusual.

jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:22 AM

I do not understand your postings? He is not a virgin! He used to live with a girl. In fact, they lived together for two years, about to get married but did not work out.

J_9 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by jennifer2007

he is virgin.

Sorry, I did not get it wrong. That is what you wrote. Above it states that he IS a virgin.

So, which is it?

Tuscany · Mar 7, 2007, 09:28 AM

Well that could be the reason why he does not want to rush into sex. He was in a sexual relationship that did not work out. Maybe now he wants to wait. I find that very sweet and highly commendable.

jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:30 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Sorry, I did not get it wrong. That is what you wrote. Above it states that he IS a virgin.

So, which is it?

he is not a virgin:)

valinors_sorrow · Mar 7, 2007, 09:40 AM

I understand that you meant to say "I don't think that he is virgin" rather than "I don't think so he is virgin" -- it almost sounds like english is not your first language?

It is possible that since he has experienced relationships before, even as far as living together, that he knows that having sex changes things and he is trying to make those changes happen at an appropritate time. But that, like everything else here, is just a guess. Why don't you ask him yourself? He alone knows the real answer to your question, you know?

If you two aren't able to talk openly and comfortably with each other about any aspect of your relationship, that could be more of a problem than one partner being too slow sexually. And if you are on the verge of being sexual, some conversation is very appropriate and necessary too - like what about safe sex practices, etc?

jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:47 AM

Thank u for your good answer! I asked him about 'why we are not having sex", he said 'he is not read, and do not know how to explain it' After that point, I did not want to push him to give an answer. I am just waiting nad hoping he will tlak about it soon. Of course, meanwhile my brain is looking for a logical answer! If there is any!

Salky · Mar 7, 2007, 09:49 AM

Man give the guy a break! Is society rendition of life now saying everybody needs to jump in bed with one another. People need to learn how to date again and not worry so much about bed partners. Have you personally approached him privately on this matter? He could have a physical problem.

jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 09:55 AM

I do not believe people need to junm in bed, but I believe sex is the most important part of the relationship. We have a great connection,and I do not undestand why we are not having sex. I respect that he is not ready. If he has a physical problem, and has not told me yet, how long he can hide it? I thought is it is a physical problem, it would be easier to tell than an emational problem.

J_9 · Mar 7, 2007, 10:01 AM

Oh, Jennifer, sex is important in a relationship, but not the most important thing. Respect and communication are very important things and in my book rank right up there with sex.

Now, understand that a physical problem is a total and complete embarrassment to men. That is why they do not like to talk about it.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 7, 2007, 10:10 AM

Well whatever it is, the last thing it needs is any pressure! It could be many things-- one of which could be that he isn't that into you physically or he knows it carries some big responsibility or he is afraid of you getting pregnant or he is unsure of the rest of your relationship or he has either emotional or physical problems with sex or maybe its just simply you are fast and he is slow! It really could be many different things here. Time is likely to tell you which it is, I suspect and you'll need to be patient enough to hear the answer. If over some given time you still aren't experiencing things happening fast enough, then the solution is to date someone who is more your speed-- I say this now as I am aware that you said you've only dated a couple of months.

jennifer2007 · Mar 7, 2007, 10:44 AM

We know each other for five months but dating for three months now. I would say the past month, we got close. Before that it was just dinners, movies, kisses.. I should be more patient with him.

ballengerb1 · Mar 7, 2007, 11:40 AM

"I don't think so he is virgin." would cause us to believe he is a virgin. The sentence structure is weak and we may have misunderstood what you typed.

valinors_sorrow · Mar 7, 2007, 03:59 PM

Originally Posted by jennifer2007

We know each other for five months but dating for three months now. I would say the past month, we got close. Before that it was just dinners, movies, kisses..I should be more patient with him.

That you are rushing it mostly doesn't say good things to me, you know? What's the rush here? Is there some kind of deadline?