[ImAllInn]

I proposed to my wife 12 1/2 years ago. We dated for about 2 years before doing this and she was truly my dream girl we both lost our virginity to each other a year into dating. Just after proposing to my with we had some of her work friends over for drinks, everything was going OK till one of her friends started making rude comments about everything from my fiancé to other guests race, so needless to say I disliked this guy from the start. I told my fiancé about his comments and she acted confused by his statements saying I can't picture him saying any of that. So I spoke to some other guests about my this like for him and they said "that's kind of who he is he's a " after that night I spoke to my fiancé about staying away from this guy, I felt he was not a good friend or influence on her. Now fast forward 12 years. I have always had rather strange dreams but have never really found any meaning in them. This particular night thought I replayed that evening in my dream but after I spoke to my wife about her co-worker she left and spoke to him about what I had herd and he denied it and claimed I must have mis herd him. Then rather okwardly  kissed her. So when I woke up I thought to myself that was not what happened and left for work, but all day this dream bothered me so much I decided to speak to my wife about it when I got home. Right from the moment I brought him up I could tell something was wrong, this is something 12 years of marriage gets you. The look on her face told it all something had happened, so I pressed her for details and sure enough she said " that next day at work she spoke to him about what I had said and he denied having said it and told her that I was just being jealous. That night after there shift they walk to their cars and he approached her and asked her not to marrie me that he had deep feelings for her and kissed her. She states that she pulled away and ended all contact with him but never told me of this event because she was afraid I would still be mad at her because I was right about him and had asked her to have no more contact with him outside of work. So since hearing this news I am at a loss, I fell lied to, cheated on, regret, and very confused. She tells me it was 12 years ago so I should get over it but I feel I just learned of it and I have a right to feel this way. Maybe I am more hert because we were both so inosent when we got married and being each others one and only partners. Any help sorry the story was so long I just felt if I didn't tell it all I wouldn't get educated answers. Ps. I'm horrible at spelling and grammar   

[joypulv]

Oh now STOP. She rejected his advances and broke off all individual contact with him, and you feel lied to and cheated on? That is absolutely ridiculous. She's a saint if she puts up with your 'hurt.' You have nothing to be hurt about. Get over yourself.

[Cat1864]

Sorry, but your 'I just found out so I have a right to be angry' argument doesn't hold water. You have been holding on to the negative thoughts and emotions ever since that night (12 years of dreaming about it.) You have been looking for confirmation that your wife is less than the perfect angel you want her to be and that he was the devil in disguise. What would you have done if she had told you about their encounter and that you were right when it happened? I think she was afraid you would over react and you wouldn't be married now. Would she have been correct?

She handled her own business. She talked to him and made up her own mind. He accosted her. She didn't kiss him. She pushed him away and ended the friendship. So how did she cheat on you? If he had forced more than a kiss on her would you still blame her?

Do you want a relationship with the woman who has stood by you for 14 years or do you want a relationship with your own negative thoughts and feelings? How pure have all of your thoughts and interactions been for 14 years?

If you truly believe your wife is a 'slut' and 'cheater' (seems to be where your thoughts are headed), you might think about counseling to get over your confusion. Don't take your confusion out on your wife or you may not have to worry about getting over it.

[Homegirl 50]

Get real guy. You are being way crazy here. This happened 12 years ago and nothing happened. What exactly is your problem here. Are you looking for a reason to dog your wife out?