[redlipsticklena]

Thanks WG. I admit that I didn't read the OP's other posts. The information about aspergers should have been included in this post, because many others also wouldn't have looked back at former posts. This OP has 83 posts. I have a family. I'm not going to skim over 83 posts so I can answer this question.

I don't know a lot about aspergers, so I'll leave now. I only posted based on what the OP wrote. That's a very important lesson for other posters. If we don't have all the details, the answers won't be 100% accurate. Don't expect us to look over all the other posts you've written. Give all pertinent info in each post so we can give an accurate opinion. There are 100's of thousand other posters on this site, and we do this for free. I know that I won't bother to spend an entire day reading your other 83 posts just to figure out who you are. When you post, tell all, every time. Don't rely on your other posts to tell the story. :(

I'm out. Good luck to the OP.

I didn't expects you to look back over 83 posts and 'read about who I am'. OMG, big deal out of nothing really. I gave info on this question because that's what I was asking. I wasn't purposely holding back info; it's about asexuality and sex not aspergers, wg is the one who mentioned that. THIS question had nothing to do with that. Yes go head and leave then; bye. Some of these people are something else entirely on here

[Wondergirl]

i didn't expects you to look back over 83 posts and 'read about who i am'. OMG, big deal out of nothing really. i gave info on this question because thats what i was asking. i wasn't purposely holding back info; it's about asexuality and sex not aspergers, wg is the one who mentioned that. THIS question had nothing to do with that. yes go head and leave then; bye. some of these people are something else entirely on here

This is very much about Asperger's. Aspies are asexual and/or cannot relate easily and appropriately to the opposite sex (or even to the same sex). That's all the more reason to do role playing with a counselor to develop social skills and make it a bit easier to get through life with both males and females, to begin dating, and to hopefully build relationships and maybe even a marriage.

[Alty]

i didn't expects you to look back over 83 posts and 'read about who i am'. OMG, big deal out of nothing really. i gave info on this question because thats what i was asking. i wasn't purposely holding back info; it's about asexuality and sex not aspergers, wg is the one who mentioned that. THIS question had nothing to do with that. yes go head and leave then; bye. some of these people are something else entirely on here

That post wasn't completely addressed to you.

The fact is, your Aspergers does have a lot to do with this, but Aspergers wasn't mentioned in this question. WG kept mentioning it, and I didn't know why, because I don't have the time to look back at your other 83 posts. Aspergers was not mentioned once by you on this thread. If WG hadn't mentioned it, we wouldn't have known. WG took the time to read all your other threads. I don't have that kind of time.

In other words, all the posts I posted mean nothing, because I didn't have all the information I needed to give an accurate response.

Your asexuality and Aspergers go hand in hand. Now that I know you have Aspergers I have nothing else to offer, because that's not my expertise. That's why I won't be posting. Not because you didn't mention it, even though you should have, but because I have no knowledge about this syndrome. I can't offer any advice on this.

I'm not mad at you, and I'm not leaving because I'm mad. I'm leaving because I can't give you advice about something I know nothing about. I know nothing about Aspergers besides the basics.

[Wondergirl]

WG took the time to read all your other threads. I don't have that kind of time.

No, I didn't take the time. I have been reading her posts since she first joined.

Aspies are near and dear to my heart--my husband is one, his dad was one, I have a bunch of Aspie friends, and my older son is autistic (hyperlexic). For me it not only is personal but also appeals to me as a counselor, to help Aspies find ways to compensate and to manage life.

[Alty]

No, I didn't take the time. I have been reading her posts since she first joined.

Aspies are near and dear to my hear--my husband is one, his dad was one, I have a bunch of Apies friends, and my older son is autistic (hyperlexic). For me it is not only personal but also appeals to me as a counselor, to help Aspies find ways to compensate and to manage life.

And I have no experience at all with Aspies. I also didn't know that the OP is an Aspie when I replied to this thread, which is why I replied the way I did. That info was very important in order to give an accurate reply to this thread. But that info wasn't posted on this thread, and only someone familiar with the OP, or willing to read all her other posts, would have been privy to this info. You were, but I honestly didn't even look at the other posts by the OP. I didn't even realize that she had a posting history on this site. Which is why I asked how you knew she has Aspergers.

I'm not bowing out because I'm upset, I'm bowing out because I lack expertise on this. I have no idea what to tell the OP, because I don't know enough about Aspergers to do so.

I can only wish the OP luck, wish her all the best, and assure her that I'm not leaving because I'm fed up. I'm leaving this thread because I have nothing to offer in way of expertise.

Now, if the OP has a bunny she needs help with, I'm her girl. But Aspergers and issues with sexuality because of Aspergers, I'm out of my league. The OP deserves the best advice. I can't offer that in this case.

[Wondergirl]

I honestly didn't even look at the other posts by the OP. I didn't even realize that she had a posting history on this site.

And you're the one who taught me to read back on a poster's history, in other threads ;) -- although this time, the Aspie mention on the other thread had hooked me right away, so I didn't have to read back.

[redlipsticklena]

It wasn't mentioned because again it has nothing do with this question. I don't see what's so hard understand about that. This question is about sex and sexuality NOT aspergers. I don't wants a bunch of answers about AS I want to talk about the OP which is why I asked in the first places.


Sorry but this is way overboard on this. I don't get it at all. Everyone on here has posting history. You think everyone is first time poster? Come on. Obviously nobody expected to read everyone's posts. You do what you did: read the question and answer accordingly, no more drama needed. The posts you made was not at all irrelevant to the topic. I am a little pis*ed off because now it's back to AS and its like everything I post is going back to that even when it's not anything to do with it. WTH. Leave as out of it and just talk about the topic please.

[Alty]

And you're the one who taught me to read back on a a poster's history, in other threads ;) -- although this time, the Aspie mention on the other thread had hooked me right away, so I didn't have to read back.

True, but I have to say, I only do that if the OP has only a few posts, or I see a need. When the OP has posted more than 80 times I won't go back to each of those posts to get a bigger picture, unless the OP has done or said something that needs further investigation. Also, most times I look back at posting history because I recognize the poster and know that he/she has posted conflicting information. This poster was new to me. Didn't ring any bells, and the question seems innocent enough that looking at past history wasn't required, in my opinion. I was wrong. Actually, the OP was wrong. Aspergers should have been mentioned by the OP on this thread, if she wanted accurate advice.

83 posts, that's a lot. I really don't have the time to read through all of that, even if the OP had been familiar. Truth told, had I known the amount of homework involved to get the whole picture, I would have passed on this question. Also, if the OP wanted valid info the Apsergers should have been mentioned in this thread by her, because it plays a big part in what's going on. Had she done that I also would have passed, because Aspergers isn't my specialty. In other words, I shouldn't be here, and had the necessary info been posted by the OP, I wouldn't be here.

That's the past. Like I said, I'm not upset about this. I just don't have anything to add, and I will stop posting now, we're hijacking this thread, and that's not fair to the OP.

I'll leave this to those that have knowledge on Aspergers.

To the OP, good luck, God bless. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Alty out.

[redlipsticklena]

No, I didn't take the time. I have been reading her posts since she first joined.

Aspies are near and dear to my heart--my husband is one, his dad was one, I have a bunch of Aspie friends, and my older son is autistic (hyperlexic). For me it not only is personal but also appeals to me as a counselor, to help Aspies find ways to compensate and to manage life.

Well its near dear your heart start your own thread about that. This thread have nothing to do with that wondergirl. Peoples shouldn't think they have to know about as in order to posts an answer. That's not right. Why the hell can't the peoples here just address the topic?

[Alty]

it wasnt mentioned b/c again it has nothing do with this question. i dont see whats so hard understand about that. this question is about sex and sexuality NOT aspergers. i dont wants a bunch of answers about AS i want to talk about the OP which is why i asked in the first places.


sorry but this is way overboard on this. i don't get it at all. everyone on here has posting history. you think everyone is first time poster? come on. obviously nobody expected to read everyones posts. you do what you did: read the question and answer accordingly, no more drama needed. the posts you made was not at all irrelevant to the topic. i am a little pis*ed off b/c now it's back to AS and its like everything i post is going back to that even when it's not anything to do with it. WTH. leave as out of it and just talk about the topic please.

Okay, I wasn't going to post again, but I posted my last post and saw that you had posted.

I'm not an expert on AS, so I really can't say for sure that AS has nothing to do with this. WG is an expert on AS, and she says that AS has a lot to do with what you're dealing with. So I'm torn. Do I continue to post, give you advice, and ignore the fact that you have AS? Or do I stop posting because AS may very well be why you're dealing with this?

My fear is that I'll give you advice, and I'll be wrong, you'll follow my advice, and then you'll be worse off than you are now. That's my fear. I'm afraid that this may be because of AS. I can't give advice based on that, I know nothing about AS.

If you want me to continue posting, ignoring that you have AS, give you advice without considering the AS, I'll do that. But I want you to know that WG is a very wise woman, and she's dealt with AS for a long time. I want you to know that AS could be the reason you're dealing with this, which would mean that my advice would mean nothing at all.

If you're okay with that, I'll continue posting. But I want you to consider that your AS may play a big factor in this.

Deal?

[Wondergirl]

well its near dear your heart start your own thread about that. this thread have nothing to do with that wondergirl. peoples shouldnt think they have to kno about as in order to posts an answer. thats not right. why the hell can't the peoples here just address the topic?

Your having Asperger's is very much a part of this question. You know that. Your counselor will tell you that too. Your sex life with someone else, dating, marriage--all have to do with how you are and how you deal with others socially. For an Aspie, social relationships are a mystery. That's why role playing and CBT are so important.

[redlipsticklena]

Alty:

Well I don't cares about the other people that have asperger like the men and women that can't find dates or the ones that's married. So what? They are not me and vice versa; personally I don't know a single person IRL that is like me at all. I care about getting answers for my questions on here. Actually you were pretty spot on in the first place with the first response which is why I said as have very little if anything to do with this. Not all asperger people is the same; some of them are married and have kids so right there you can see they are not same situation I am in. anyway that's up to you if you wants to post and give more feedback. I am just interested in finding answers that is all

[redlipsticklena]

Your having Asperger's is very much a part of this question. You know that. Your counselor will tell you that too. Your sex life with someone else, dating, marriage--all have to do with how you are and how you deal with others socially. For an Aspie, social relationships are a mystery. That's why role playing and CBT are so important.

They are not a 'mystery' to the AS peoples that's married and have kids and just like I told atly obviously those people would not understand nor need to asks a question like the OP I made because it's not their life or situation. Its mine

[Wondergirl]

they are not a 'mystery' to the AS peoples thats married and have kids and just like i told atly obviously those people would not understand nor need to asks a question like the OP i made because it's not their life or situation. its mine

And guess how many Apies are married and have kids. You'd be surprised at how few.

[redlipsticklena]

And guess how many Apies are married and have kids. You'd be surprised at how few.

Well okay. I seen some asperger people talking about how they get dates or whatever. Point is I don't know any of them anyway and its not about them and what they are going through they can makes their own thread. This one about sex and sexuality/asexuality.

[Wondergirl]

well okay. i seen some asperger people talking about how they get dates or whatever. point is i don't know any of them anyways and its not about them and what they are going through they can makes their own thread. this one about sex and sexuality/asexuality.

Asperger's = asexuality, mostly because they don't understand the social cues needed to form relationships

I'd love to meet these AS people you mentioned who talk about getting dates.

If a guy held your face between his hands and gently kissed the tip of your nose, what would you think?

If a guy tucked a wisp of your hair behind your ear and ran his fingers along your cheek, what would you think?

Would you want a guy to hold your hand while you are walking together at a mall or while at the movies?

[redlipsticklena]

Asperger's = asexuality, mostly because they don't understand the social cues needed to form relationships

I'd love to meet these AS people you mentioned who talk about getting dates.

If a guy held your face between his hands and gently kissed the tip of your nose, what would you think?

If a guy tucked a wisp of your hair behind your ear and ran his fingers along your cheek, what would you think?

Would you want a guy to hold your hand while you are walking together at a mall or while at the movies?

I would wonder why the hell he was doing those things, he can just say what he feels, IMO. But the males always want to touch women and no I don't 'need' someone to hold my hands at movies? What is the point? I don't know. I like to do and say things that have a point to them otherwise why do it/say it.

Well then I guess you are RIGHT then. Sigh. I just don't belong :( none of those thing makes sense to me and why people do them in the first place, if you are 'with' someone why do all those things like that? All seems very unnesscary. Since I am this way then and don't get it guess I should keeps trying to get use to being alone then.

All the men that talks about getting dates are on the as forum wrong planet some of them are married, like I said, I don't know any IRL... I did not ask to be made like this and I hate it. Now I am depressed again. Sorry wondergirl

[Wondergirl]

No, you don't have to be alone. There are singles groups in your area that get together to do things. Why not join one of them?

[Wondergirl]

i would wonder why the hell he was doing those things, he can just say what he feels, IMO. but the males always want to touch women and no i don't 'need' someone to hold my hands at movies? what is the point? I don't know. i like to do and say things that have a point to them otherwise why do it/say it.

He would do them because he loves you and those things are considered part of romance and intimacy. See what you are missing? You don't really want that, do you.

Do you want to be pregnant for nine months and then have a baby that you have to take care of 24/7? You will no longer have your own life to live to do as you wish; you will be responsible to a very small person. And that will be only the first child. There could be more. Are you willing to raise children, teach them good behavior, and make sure they grow up to be responsible adults? That's what parenthood is all about.

Do you want to have regular sex with a husband, make him dinners, pack his lunch for work, sit and watch DVDs with him or find a babysitter and go out to dinner and a movie? If he gets sick, you are willing to help him get to a doctor? If he throws up, you will clean up the mess? If he has heart surgery, you will be in the cardiac waiting room and be willing to talk with his doctors afterwards to find out his prognosis and at-home care? That's what marriage is all about, being there and helping each other.

Instead of wishing for something that you won't like if you get it, why not work with what you've got? Of course, finding a job would be a good thing. Did you ever talk with the library people about working there, maybe shelving books or doing something in tech services, such as processing library materials? They will train you. In fact, maybe you could work for a while as a volunteer to see if you like it there. There may even be an AS job coach in your area who will work as a go-between with you and the library (or other workplace).

[redlipsticklena]

No, you don't have to be alone. There are singles groups in your area that get together to do things. Why not join one of them?

I don't fits in right when I go to group. That's what happen at the therapy group of women. I don't feel comfortable. So I guess I DO have to get use to being by myself but how can I do that? I wants to forget about it all? But how?