It would be appropriate for you to purchase your own attire for the wedding and cover your own accommodations. It's nice to attend one shower and bring a gift (need not be expensive) and to send a wedding gift (again, needn't be expensive). Otherwise, no other obligations.
Just tell her "no" and if she's insistent that what Maid's of Honor do, tell her, "I misunderstood what was expected when you asked me to do this. Your expectations are way beyond what is done per the way I was raised, and it's way, way beyond my budget so I'm going to have to bow out and let someone else have the honor". Do not apologize.
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