[scally1]

OK, so my ex and I broke up after about 14 1/2 months of dating. She said she just did not want to be tied down at the moment and needed to figure herself out. However, without 2 weeks of any contact, she contacted me we hung out and was talking on a moderate basis. Recently, her and I have been hanging out and talking more often. We eventually hooked up etc.

Every time we hang out, she starts to cry and continues to tell me she misses me and loves me and still cares about me. Her and I talk pretty much every day, and hang out on a more frequent basis. We go for walks, play mini golf, and go on bike rides. We kiss, we hookup, we hold hands, we cuddle. I guess pretty much like were going out. She informed that she did not want to rush anything, but did like how the relationship is going. She and I kind of rushed into the relationship at first and we never really built that friendship. So I guess right now, were doing that, but all of the other things I mentioned to. We’re not friends with benefits. But we do hook up every time we see each other.

I really just don't know what to do. Do I eventually ask her if she wants to get back with me? Would that push her away? I just don't know what to do. Like the other day she sent me a text saying "it’s hard to tell the mind to stop loving someone, when your heart still does “.

Need advice.

[C0bra_M3nace]

Sure the relationship is going good, you started over, you're doing something "different", you're both not in a relationship so it's almost new to the both of you but what happens when the fire dies out again, it already did once, what's to say another 14 months down the road you can't keep it going yet again.

You both should have taken it as a new beginning, a new start. You both should have parted ways, followed no contact and conitnued with your lives. Now, you sucked each other back into a relationship that already failed once and will most likely end up down the same street. Don't get me wrong, sure people have gotten back together and lived happily ever after but the odds are against you.

I would try and get out of this vicious circle and start moving on. Sure "its hard to tell the mind to stop loving someone, when your heart still does." but it's only as hard as you make it, and keeping in touch and "hooking up" isn't going to make it any easier.

[Homegirl 50]

I'm assuming you are both adults?
You should have never started having sex again but now that you are, you need to find out from her what your relationship is.
If you want to continue things as they are and then waiting for the other shoe to drop fine, but I think you two need to establish some boundaries.

[scally1]

I'm assuming you are both adults?
You should have never started having sex again but now that you are, you need to find out from her what your relationship is.
If you want to continue things as they are and then waiting for the other shoe to drop fine, but I think you two need to establish some boundaries.

Yes, were adults.. I just don't want to pursue her and feel like I'm pushy, or pressuring her in anyway.. she def gives me the vibe that she eventually wants to start dating again... so I don't know when I should say something or how I should approach it..

[Homegirl 50]

You are the one not in the know and you want to know where you are.
A closed mouth does not get fed. If she is going to be sexing you, you have a right to know where things stand.
Ask her.

You say to her that you have been enjoying the time together but you just want to be clear as to where you stand.

[scally1]

OK, she and I planned to hang out on Wednesday.. so don't ask her if she eventually wants to date again or anything like that?. just be like, I enjoy spending time with you, but I just need to know where we stand? Where are we in the relationship? Do we continue what were doing?.

[Homegirl 50]

Yep, that's OK.

[0rphan]

Right now I would just play it cool... after all you are dating in every sense of the word, without actually admitting it to each other.
She obviously wants to be with you as you do with her,so I would just take each day at a time and enjoy it.I feel if you put any pressure on, at such an early stage after the initial breakup,then it may start a panick reaction,maybe even an argument leading to a parting of the waves, which may or may not have happen,if you had let things take their own course naturally.

Obviously at some point you may have to speak to her about the future,however things could have sorted themselves out by then,in which case the conversation may never be needed... time is the key

[Homegirl 50]

If he is wondering what is going on, the conversation is needed.

[mmresd]

Her mind is still in break up status, she will continue to fill her needs with you until she finds someone who is a better suitor. This will HURT like hell! You need to get out now, go no contact, make her feel the loneliness of breaking up with you, and move on.

[here2assist]

I would either put it out there (without being aggressive and persistent) or walk away. Limbo land is not the place you want to be. You should also know that the success rate of making up after breaking up is extremely low. Look it up online. You'll find plenty of articles and credible sites that strongly advise against this. Personally, I've gotten back together with three different guys only for the relationship to fail again. Now without a single doubt I'll never return to a relationship that fell apart in the first place. I'm hoping my next boyfriend is my lifetime partner though.

[talaniman]

I would do NOTHING but keep having fun and enjoying each other without the titles. But I sure wouldn't be exclusive, and always available either. Matter of fact, I would see this as friends with benefits, and be detached enough to have a great life without her.

She is setting all the terms and rules, and that's something to speak up about. I mean hooking up and not talking is a disaster. I mean she gives you enough to keep you coming back, and keep hope alive. If you weren't so scared of her reaction you would have cleared this up when she first made contact after the breakup, and laid some rules of your own, and gotten a clear understanding of what's going on.

But NOOOOOOOOOOO, you were so glad she wanted you, you were willing to do whatever she wants whenever she chooses.

HMMMM! Sounds like you are HER friend with benefits.

[Homegirl 50]

As I said earlier, set some boundaries.
Right now things are going her way and you don't know which end is up.