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asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 03:52 AM

My girlfriend had an ex boyfriend who always kissed her, touched her body every day. One day he wanted to have sex with her but she refused. He then forcibly had sex with her. But she still loved him. The relation lasted for seven months. Ultimately he broke up with her because he met a new girlfriend.

But my girlfriend still loved him and texted him until I came in her life. Now she's in relation with me from the past six months but she's unable to forget her ex, she doesn't sleep at night and often feel depressed. Even when I kissed her, she broke away in tears and told me that it reminded her of her ex because he used to kiss her every day. I felt heartbroken.

My question is that she was with him for seven months and now with me its six months. Then why is she unable to forget her ex?? Is it because of sexual contact?? If I go on for physical relation with her, will it help her?? But she refuses to have sex with me. Tell me should I go for physical relation with her?

talaniman · Aug 4, 2012, 11:11 AM

The simple answer is NO!! The truth is she is not capable or ready for sex, or a real relationship because its her heart that needs healing and that takes a while. Your relationship is simply a distraction from the past hurt with the ex.

She will be a lousy partner until she does, and will be ready to leave you when she has regained her strength and confidence.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 4, 2012, 11:33 AM

No, it may make it worst if she is not ready. It may just take time.

asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 08:33 PM

Is it happening to her just becoz of sexual contact? What must I do now? I really love her a lot and can't live with out her.. she also loves me a lot.. She told me that she is ready for physical relation with me.. plz tel me what to do?

asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 08:37 PM

Is it happening to her just becoz of sexual contact? What must I do now? I really love her a lot and can't live with out her.. she also loves me a lot.. She told me that she is ready for physical relation with me.. plz tel me what to do? I need help.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 4, 2012, 08:38 PM

No it is because she started dating you too soon after breaking up with ex. Often this is called "rebound" relationship and often it just caused them not to work.

Take it slow ( you don't want to) and give her time( you don't want to do this either it seems)

Wondergirl · Aug 4, 2012, 08:39 PM

A few hours ago you posted she is NOT ready for a sexual relationship with you. Now she is?

Cool your jets, and just be a good boyfriend for now. Sex is not glue.

asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 09:57 PM

She started dating me after 3 months from her breakup... I tried my best to make her hapy but every time her past bothers.. does it mean that she doesn't love me? What if he comes back in her life? will she leave me then?what else must I do in order to make her forget the past completely?

talaniman · Aug 4, 2012, 10:10 PM

Dude, she has been emotionally abused and hurt. She needs time and space because you are but an emotional tampon that she thinks will make her feel better about yourself. It's a quick fix to the deep trauma she has suffered.

If all you can see is YOUR love and feelings, then you CANNOT help, and will be used not for love, but pain. She needs more help than you can give, and has put you in a position to hurt yourself, and her even more.

She needs a friend, not a lover, not a boyfriend, but some one who can be there, with NO agenda, no romance, just a caring friendship. If thats not you, then you cannot help at all and will do more harm than good.

Wondergirl · Aug 4, 2012, 10:12 PM

There is nothing you can do to make her forget. That is not your purpose. Be a kind and thoughtful friend who does not obsess over the ex.

talaniman · Aug 4, 2012, 10:18 PM

what else must i do in order to make her forget the past completely??

Just be a friend for a few years while she heals. Understand the depth of her hurt.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 4, 2012, 10:22 PM

You can encourage her to get some counseling and be a friend to her.

asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 10:34 PM

Do u really think that just being her friend will improve her? Just his ex's thought makes her sad? What if he comes back? She had 2 boyfriend's before her ex and she spend much more time with them then she spent with her ex. But she hadn't any sexual contact with them.. she remember's neither of the 2.. she only remember's her ex with whom she had sexual contact.. my question is why she only remember's her ex and not those 2 before her ex? Is sexual contact the only reason?

Wondergirl · Aug 4, 2012, 10:37 PM

No, sexual contact is not the reason. Stop obsessing over sex.

asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

No, sexual contact is not the reason. Stop obsessing over sex.

Then what is the reason? Please don't get me wrong... I am frankly telling you everything.. for god's sake what is the reason then?

talaniman · Aug 4, 2012, 10:49 PM

If she was a victim of abuse and rape then she of course will be traumatized and you minimizing it like she should just forget and be happy with you is, to be frank, disgusting and selfish.

I don't think it was just sexual contact, as rape and abuse has nothing to do with sex at all. It's a form of emotional violence that makes one feel helpless. The body suffers, but the mind suffers more, and the soul and spirit suffers the MOST!! That's the part that needs the most healing.

Can you grasp that concept, and stop making this about sexual contact? That doesn't even scratch the surface, nor does thinking having sex will make her forget what the ex did to her. That's the dumbest most ignorant sexist thing I have ever heard.

asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 10:53 PM

I just needed to know the reason.. neways I will act upon ua advice.. thanks for help.

Wondergirl · Aug 4, 2012, 10:54 PM

So what is your plan of action?

asenti01 · Aug 4, 2012, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So what is your plan of action?

I will be a good friend of her's,I will show her my care, I will support her.. n I will do things that will make her feel hapy and secure,I will make her laugh.in short I will take her to the positive side of the world and will make her enjoy every moment of life... m very thankful to you, thnks for ua support...

Wondergirl · Aug 4, 2012, 11:12 PM

And you will make me happy by not texting next time you post on this site. :)