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Teaching · Mar 5, 2007, 09:24 AM

I remember discussing on the forum that "we can lose friends" when we lean on them too much for support. I know I have made this mistake with friends - feeling needy.

I feel I am much stronger now, however I am not sure how to rebuild those friendships - as I can sense they are reluctant to rebuild.

Can this kind of relationships ever rebuild?

Would love some advice?

Jiser · Mar 5, 2007, 09:27 AM

Elaborate more on your situation with these friends? Were they ex's etc?

With my friendships, I see them whenever. There is no commitment to when we meet. Sometimes I don't see my friends for months on end and I can still speak to them for hours on end. My friends were all there for me in my break up! They didn't mind me clinging on them, I did on a few of them, throughout my negativity phase, they are true friends. If your so called friends can't deal with this then I wouldn't want to be hanging with them.

p.s.
Perhaps if your friends have seen the new 'you' they will be more likely choose to become part of your life again.

tinsign · Mar 5, 2007, 09:32 AM

If you lose friends over you going through a rough time in your life then they never really were as close as you thought they were.
FRIENDS do not turn their backs on you when they know you need them most.
FRIENDS true friends anyway will stick by you through the good and bad times in life.
FRIENDS that feel you are to needy because you lean on them to get though something are not what I would want to claim as friends.

grammadidi · Mar 5, 2007, 09:32 AM

I guess I see it differently that you... I'm too hard, maybe? I feel that if my friends can't stand beside me through the 'needy' times, then they aren't friends. I would NEVER abandon a friend if they were in need. I might tell them I need to distance myself a bit if it affecting my own life, but I would not abandon the friendship.

If you really want to rebuild, then I can see no other way than to meet with each friend individually, perhaps over lunch or supper, and tell them exactly what you said here.

I personally would spend more time and effort in building new and better lasting friendships. Sometimes friends are only meant to be in our lives for a short time. Maybe it's time for new ones? It sounds as if you have changed quite a bit. That change in itself might make it difficult to rebuild.

Anyhow, just my immediate thoughts on the situation... I hope it works out for the best.

Love, Didi

Teaching · Mar 5, 2007, 09:33 AM

Just friendships - I was going through some rough times in my life and I relied on my friends to help me - which they did, however it got to the point where I needed them too much. Of course the result wasn't good as they felt that I have overused the friendship. I can see it so clearly now. Hope this answers a bit.

tinsign · Mar 5, 2007, 09:35 AM

Grandmadidi I would have rated you extremely helpful but have to spread reputation again before I can. What you said is right friends are suppose to stick together

Teaching · Mar 5, 2007, 09:35 AM

Wow, you all have amazing advice - thank you. It gives me a new perspective.

Jiser · Mar 5, 2007, 09:50 AM

Try doing activities with your friends. For example gym, lunch, cinema, comedy's etc. Helps the bonding process. I know my friends are there if I need to talk to them, yours should be to, but as you said you can't over abuse it or they get fed up. If you want closer friends if you don't have them then get out there and meet new people in classes/sports etc.

Here is a story about my own life:
I recently met an old friend I used to work with pushing trollies at a supermarket, we spent 9 hours a week together every Saturday for a year. We bonded well and I was sad when he left, wasn't quite the same without him. He left to live in costa rica for 6 months. This was three years ago.

By chance we met at a restaurant where my ex and myself were. He got in contact with me over MSN. We arranged to meet up and have since become good friends. With this 3 year gap we had the chance to mature in to new people (he wasn't as outgoing as he is now). We recently went on holiday together to prague - a real chance for bonding and me and him now regually attend Badminton and gym together as well as sharing lifts to work and pubbing!

That's just a message to everyone, that who knows what the future holds, this could include ex's as well. A chance for growth and then meeting again :) The future is bright

Teaching · Mar 5, 2007, 10:22 AM

I agree "activities does wonder for relationships". It brings more fun and laughter again.