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all4peace · Mar 4, 2007, 07:37 PM

Now what? I have a multi faceted quandry on my hands. I have to have compassion right? I mean I am a recovering addict too! Something to the tune of 2 years under my belt free and clear of my Drug of choice.. heroin. We have a beautiful 9 month old babygirl! He speaks program and can even live in the solution for small snippets of time, BUT then the cunning baffling powerful disease( or is it his bad CHOICE) sneaks up on him, or is it he who goes looking for "it"? I just keep hangin' on... and on and on! Every time in the past I claim "we can work through it" take him in again, and then sit in there fear, resentment and oh yeah and ANGER! TOXIC, but I have only ever given him the message "yeah its alright, you'll get this, just come on back home to us!" Just so I can fill my desperation up! At what point did this become my way of life?? What do I say? Oh by the way, what are these illusive boundaries people can implement? How can I save my daughter from the explanations starting right NOW? We are not married what rights do I have? Can I make ultimatums, or requirements, or stipulations? It gets so much more messy than the said above, but hopefully you get the idea. It is a bad pattern of his actions that lead to my destruction as a mother. As a result of his use , I feel anyway, our relationship has gone down the tubes!

Midnight_Angel · Mar 4, 2007, 08:05 PM

You can and need to do what you feel is best. I know there must be love there and a want to have the perfect family but it was just as hard for you was it not?? You have the life of your baby to look after now, you can't be looking after someone who has just as much of a chance of "kicking the habit" as you did. I am proud of you and congratulations on being as strong as you have been but you need to look after you and your baby. Give him the chance if you need to, tell him to get treatment, if not you have to set limits because you took the higher road, do not be dragged down. I know this seems cynical, but I hope it helped a little.

dayslug24 · Mar 4, 2007, 08:22 PM

First off, there is an innocent child at risk here - I don't believe being around drug use is the best thing for her.
Next, your own sobriety is also in danger here as well.
As a recovering crack/cocaine addict myself of just over 2 years, I can say that even now after all my sober time, I could easily fall back into hell if I even associated with anyone who used.
Im very sorry for your situation - its not fair for you at all, but you have to keep your child's health as well as your sobriety the absolute top priority!
It may seem cold to turn away from someone you love so much, but there is a time when you have to take care of yourself first.

AHAWK · Mar 14, 2007, 05:09 PM

If he doesn't quit or at least agree to get help you shoud leave. It is as simple as that.

J_9 · Mar 14, 2007, 05:22 PM

Understand that an addiction is a disease. Once you have this disease you never get rid of it.

Apparently he is not ready yet to fight his "demons" yet. This is a lifelong disease. Understand that it is not necessarily his "choice" but his disease.

For the health of yourself, and your addiction, as well as the health of your child, it is time to cut loose and let him go. Sometimes the lesson is learned when we lose the things we love. Being around him must be hard for you and your fight from addiction.

You cannot give him an ultimatum because addicts are master manipulators. He will go with your ultimatum until the addiction "tastes" good again in his mind.

This became your way of life when you became an addict too. Not to sound harsh or condiscending, but this is the life of an addict. However, you are the strong one and you are willing to give up your "security" for a life of sobriety.

Right now by taking him back, you are enabling him.

What you need to do RIGHT NOW, is get away from him. I am sure you have learned this in treatment, if you have been in treatment.

We all have choices and your choice is to be clean and raise your child in a healthy environment. Do you consider him a healthy envrionment? It is time to let him go, and that is unfortunate, but there is nothing you can do. Only he can get healthy on his own, it is his choice.