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timothy101101 · Jul 16, 2012, 12:23 PM

My life is pretty **** right now my brother and sister have left me as I have no job and find it extremely hard to get one.
My mum still talks to me and meets up which cheers me up but she never seems to understand how hard it is.
I handed out over 15 CV’s in one day and heard nothing back at all.
I do what I can to job search but I have no girlfriend, barely any family and friends and no job which has left me severely depressed and lonely which I never admit to.
I have a nice flat all decorated and have worked plenty of jobs before but now I am stuck and alone.
What can I do why am I in this state I feel like a failure.

JudyKayTee · Jul 16, 2012, 01:51 PM

Originally Posted by timothy101101

my life is pretty **** right now my brother and sister have left me as i have no job and find it extreamly hard to get one.
my mum still talks to me and meets up wich cheers me up but she never seems to understand how hard it is.
i handed out over 15 cv's in one day and heard nothing back at all.
i do what i can to job search but i have no girlfriend, barely any family and friends and no job wich has left me sevearly deppressed and lonley wich i never admit to.
i have a nice flat all decorated and have worked plenty of jobs before but now i am stuck and alone.
what can i do why am i in this state i feel like a failyer.

Probably a good start would be to follow your own advice - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/death-...lf-639320.html

Talk to a counselor, a clergyperson, an advisor, a friend, a family member, someone who will LISTEN and not judge.

timothy101101 · Jul 17, 2012, 01:09 PM

So I am 22 years old and have depression but I ask my mum today why she does not compliment me and all she can say is "that stuff is for when you were young you’re too old for that now".

Now I kind of get what she is on about but I still strongly feel my mum should compliment and congratulate me now and then especially as she knows I have depression.
Why is this is it me, or is it her?

teacherjenn4 · Jul 17, 2012, 02:28 PM

Do you compliment her? What types of things do you do that you think you deserve compliments for?

timothy101101 · Jul 17, 2012, 04:59 PM

Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

Do you compliment her? What types of things do you do that you think you deserve compliments for?

Yea I compliment her it would just be nice to hear something like "you smell nice today" or "you can do anything you set your mind to".
Just general compliments and suport.

Wondergirl · Jul 17, 2012, 05:03 PM

General compliments are not good. Specific compliments are good -- "This beef stew is really good, Mom!" and "I hope I can be a good driver someday like you are" and "That color of blouse makes your eyes sparkle."

What do you compliment her on?

You've been diagnosed for depression? What meds are you taking and how often every week do you see a therapist?

timothy101101 · Jul 17, 2012, 05:10 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

General compliments are not good. Specific compliments are good -- "This beef stew is really good, Mom!" and "I hope I can be a good driver someday like you are" and "That color of blouse makes your eyes sparkle."

What do you compliment her on?

When she gets her hair done "have you had your hair cut it looks nice".
When I eat over her's "mmmm nice dinner mum best iv had in weeks".
When she has a nice top on "i like that top".
You no everyday sort of things we have a great relationship and always have but its just the compliment and suport side of things.

Wondergirl · Jul 17, 2012, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by timothy101101

when she gets her hair done "have you had your hair cut it looks nice".
when i eat over her's "mmmm nice dinner mum best iv had in weeks".
when she has a nice top on "i like that top".
you no everyday sort of things we have a great relationship and always have but its just the compliment and suport side of things.

"have you had your hair cut it looks nice" BETTER: "I like the way your hair curves around your cheeks." Nice is too general.
"mmmm nice dinner mum best iv had in weeks" BETTER: "The beef is fork tender. How did you do that?" Nice is too general.
"i like that top" BETTER: "That top makes you look like you are 20 years old."

So how do you think you can get her to give you specific compliments? Maybe lead the way and give them to her?

talaniman · Jul 17, 2012, 05:42 PM

Maybe a doctor to guide you through the process of dealing with your depression properly would be the best way to start addressing your problems at this time.

Alty · Jul 17, 2012, 06:01 PM

I'd like a response to WG's question. Are you on meds for your depression and are you seeing a therapist?

timothy101101 · Jul 17, 2012, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

"have you had your hair cut it looks nice" BETTER: "I like the way your hair curves around your cheeks." Nice is too general.
"mmmm nice dinner mum best iv had in weeks" BETTER: "The beef is fork tender. How did you do that?" Nice is too general.
"i like that top" BETTER: "That top makes you look like you are 20 years old."

So how do you think you can get her to give you specific compliments? Maybe lead the way and give them to her?

Yea I no what you mean but she is my mum the compliments you said seem a bit much.
Anyway I'm not bothering with this question anymore its getting verry personal now.

To answer other comments

No I'm not on meds

I'm not seeing a therapist

I have depression not mental issues guys and why the hell has this question been taken well out of context.

Wondergirl · Jul 17, 2012, 07:13 PM

Originally Posted by timothy101101

yea i no what you mean but she is my mum the compliments you said seem a bit much.
anyway im not bothering with this question anymore its getting verry personal now.

to answer other comments

no im not on meds

im not seing a therapist

i have depression not mental issues guys and why the hell has this question been taken well out of context.

The compliments you gave could be said to anyone They are not specific to your mother.

YOU brought up depression. I asked if it was an official diagnosis. That would make a huge difference in how we respond to you. So the depression is your own conclusion of what might be wrong?

Your original question is deeply personal. Why can't we ask questions to find out what is really going on and try to help you?

Alty · Jul 17, 2012, 10:08 PM

This question hasn't been taken out of context, and it is a deeply personal question. We don't have a book that says "If the OP asks this question, write this response". Every question is different, just like every person is different.

Depression is not a mental issue in the sense that you're thinking it is, but it does affect us mentally, physically, emotionally, and it can be helped with medication. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I myself am on antidepressants, and so are many of the other people on this site. Many people suffer from depression, you're not alone.

I would highly recommend a visit to your doctor. Ask if antidepressants can work for you. You may need to try a few different prescriptions before you find one that works for you, but it's worth a try, and can make a world of difference.

Therapy is also a great suggestion. It's not a stigma, it doesn't mean that you're crazy, or that there's something mentally wrong with you. Talking to a stranger about your problems can really help.

I hope you come back. Remember that we can only base our answers on what you tell us. If something is written that you don't like, or don't want to answer, that's up to you. You can either ignore the advice, or tell us that you don't want to divulge the info we're asking for.

Good luck.

JudyKayTee · Jul 18, 2012, 05:17 AM

Originally Posted by timothy101101

i have depression not mental issues guys and why the hell has this question been taken well out of context.

Why do I think you have "issues?" If not depression, something else OR you are on meds?

For whatever reason questions asking you to explain yourself so you can get an answer to your question are met with this response. Hardly a reasonable answer.

Despite being advised that "we" take great pride in our answers in the legal forums you continued to post "here's what I would do" advice which could very well get someone arrested - minimally.

Your reaction to the flood damage to your apartment was over the top - you were prepred to take action BEFORE anyone told you the damage won't be prepared.

You either have a very short fuse or something is wrong.

klarsenartwork · Jul 19, 2012, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by timothy101101

My life is pretty **** right now my brother and sister have left me as I have no job and find it extremely hard to get one.
My mum still talks to me and meets up which cheers me up but she never seems to understand how hard it is.
I handed out over 15 CV's in one day and heard nothing back at all.
I do what I can to job search but I have no girlfriend, barely any family and friends and no job which has left me severely depressed and lonely which I never admit to.
I have a nice flat all decorated and have worked plenty of jobs before but now I am stuck and alone.
What can I do why am I in this state I feel like a failure.

Flax seed helps my depression greatly, go buy some you should notice a difference in how you feel in just a couple days, even though life is tough for you now, it won't stay that way!

Edited to subject