[lizett]

First, I'm not sure what you mean by "professional forum"? This site is different from other Q&A sites, because we don't just answer questions. We deal with the whole situation.

Second, you made a mistake using the Reply with Quote feature. When you use that feature it quotes the post you press the button on. It appears you were reacting to a previous post but quoted from another post, thereby attacking another poster incorrectly. The situation just escalated from there.

Let me recap. Legally your husband can and should be held responsible for his daughter. Your initial post did not mention anything about your feelings of danger to your other children. Had you done so the reaction might have been different. So yes, if your step daughter is deemed a threat to younger children, then you don't have to accept her into your home, but your husband DOES still have responsibility for her.

So I suggest you understand the reaction to your posts and tone down the attitude, an apology is even in order. But I do understand your reaction, though it was more caused by your leaving out key info.

ScottGem~ I did not use the reply with quote feature but I used the "reply" only. Am I to use the "quick answer" instead? Sorry I must be an idiot as this is my first time using this site. Probably the last after this experience.
I just wanted legal advice, didn't know I had to give out more personal info or how much info was necessary. Even after I gave out the info, others had attitude with me.

{Edited}


Appreciate you addressing me respectfully but I noticed the more personal info I gave out, the more others felt the need to attack me- I said I was disabled,

{Edited}

Finally getting back to original topic... then what responsibility does her mom have? She can leave but my husband can't? Wondering why mom is out of her obligations so easily. My husband has always paid child support.

[ScottGem]

Sorry, Different members have different interfaces. The Reply button does "quote" from the post you press it on. You can use the Quick Answer if you don't want to quote.

You do not have to give any personal information you don't want to. However, sometimes we do need to know more about you or the background to give the best advice. One of the advantages of using a site like this is that you are anonymous so giving personal info shouldn't be too much of a problem. But if you feel you don't want to give info, simply reply that you feel uncomfortable revealing too much.

I've edited out some of your last post (#21). I understand what you are saying, but I see no advantage in further exacerbating things. That was part of the purpose of my post. If you feel that a response has violated our rules or gone over the top, feel free to use the Report link and it will be reviewed.

Her mom has the same responsibilities. She should be held financially responsible, at least, for her child. If she just abandons the child, then the father can go to court to enforce her financial support.

[JudyKayTee]

You work for the justice system, correct?

I haven't quoted the rest of your post because it's more blog and less info leading to advice.

I don't work "for" the justice system. I work "in" the justice system. There's a difference. I see inequities, too. However, I feel no need to defend the judicial system OR explain what happened to you or your friends when I had no part in either the events leading up to legal intervention or the legal decisions. If you would like to address a specific situation where I played a part, I'm happy to talk about that. I’m sure you have no interest in defending all the counselors in the World. That’s how I feel about the legal profession.

Do I have an opinion when I know only what you've said and none of the other details? Nope.

As far as any other opinions I've offered, you posted anonymously on a public board - I would handle this no differently if you were standing in front of me and we were talking person to person. I personally have difficulty with people who are too disabled to work, including part-time, but not too disabled to bear children and raise them.

You don't have a problem with that. You are no less entitled to your opinion than I am to mine!

In NY - and I appreciate you are not in NY - the Court is currently taking the position (and this changes as the political climate changes) that the parents' primary responsibilities are to the first family. The second family comes second. Presumably the second wife/girlfriend realizes that there are other children out there, born before her children, and that those children are her husband's/boyfriend's responsibility, financially and emotionally.

So, again, get a good Attorney, declare the stepdaughter a person in need of supervision (or whatever the classification is wherever you are) and get her removed from your care/custody/control and made a ward of the State.

My sympathy is with your stepdaughter who neither asked to be born into this situation nor has any control over her own destiny at this point. She's now been labeled "bad," and she's really too young (and it's probably too late) to change that. She's cutting for a reason, probably because physical pain masks emotional pain, and no one sees or hears her.

[lizett]

JudyKayTee~ thanks for the legal advice... not so much for the opinions though.
Ihope for his daughter to learn to rise above her raising. Her mom has made an awful life for her and the court systems did nothing to protect her. Right now we talk about the daughter but if you knew or saw my 4yr old and baby, they need protection as well. His first daughter is old enough to choose her behavior. As a counselor we would see kids who became over- or under-responsible with a parent like hers. She has chose the latter. My husband came from an awful background and now has a steady job within the government, former marine (partially disabled from service but still works full-time). She can choose better for herself at least. I'm not someone who believes in being a product of your raising or environment- just excuses.
It's because people on here DON'T know the whole story is exactly why personal opinions and judgment should not be so easil disbursed.
Here's what you don't need to know so why tell you, hoping you will leave your opinions out next time you give advice to someone:
I hope my disability is temporary (or will go into remission) as medications I try may one day help it. I did not have it when my first child was born. After a miscarriage I found out I had it, but wanted another child. I was laid off during recession (I was in Human Resources at the time) then went on unemployment. Talked to Dr's about my illness and 90% get better in pregnancy and afterwards, 5% stay the same, and 5% get worse. Well, I got worse- what are the odds, right? If you want a child and 90% odds suggest you can get better, what's to hold you back? Sign me up! My mom helps out a lot. I despise people who live off the system until I had to walk a day in their shoes. Funny how judgment can work against us.

[JudyKayTee]

It's because people on here DON"T know the whole story is exactly why personal opinions and judgment should not be so easil disbursed.
Here's what you don't need to know so why tell you, hoping you will leave your opinions out next time you give advice to someone:

Please stop advising me how, when and where to post.

You have to legal answer (and then some). There is nothing left to say.

I'm asking that this thread be closed - it's helping no one.

[ScottGem]

It's because people on here DON"T know the whole story is exactly why personal opinions and judgment should not be so easil disbursed.

People come here and they want advice, generally quick advice. Very often people post and never return for follow-up. So we do need to make some judgments based on what they post. Sometimes it is too little to even respond so we ask for more info, sometimes we guess wrong.

I think our track record for giving quality advice is a lot better than other sites.

That being said, I'm not sure if there is anything else that we can help you with pertaining to your situation with your step daughter. If there is, feel free to ask. Otherwise we can just let this thread go dormant.