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helpmepeeps · Jul 11, 2012, 10:19 PM

We have been dating for about 18 months we are not having sex anymore and its making me feel unwanted and like he's not attracted to me anymore and making me feel like crap he works a lot and always falls asleep I know he's not cheating on me its impossible we are with each other every night he knows that it bothers me and I know by it bothering me it upsets him and makes him feel bad I don't want to have to make the first move all the time I'm seriously starting to get to the point where I'm getting uninterested and I don't want that what should I do

get8p · Jul 11, 2012, 11:34 PM

So you're not making any moves and he does not. And you both are not having sex and upset about it. What makes you think he's not feeling the same, being, er... unwanted?
Either way, get a li'l vacation, buy a couple tickets to somewhere out of town for a weekend, or at the days he's not going to be working, cellphones off, screw everybody, just you two. Planned well, this can be a great solution to a problem.

helpmepeeps · Jul 12, 2012, 03:10 AM

He really can't take a vacation he's in his apprenticeship we have went and stayed at hotel two different times on the weekends not too long ago and nothing happened. I even kind of pointed it out. Don't get me wrong we still have sex but its like once every two weeks and I'm making the moves each time. We get along great.

Synnen · Jul 12, 2012, 05:44 AM

Stress and exhaustion absolutely kill libido.

If he's working a lot, stressed, and tired, OF COURSE he isn't going to have the energy or the drive to start something!

If this has only been happening along with his work schedule, and there's a definite endpoint to when he schedule will let up, then you need to LET IT GO. It has NOTHING to do with you. Keep making the moves as long as he responds to them, and wait until he's not so tired and stressed for him to make them back.

helpmepeeps · Jul 12, 2012, 11:44 AM

True but he's talking about working out more so I thunk if he does that he needs to put a little more effort in the bedroom too I want to feel like he wants me without me always making the effort it just bothers me sometimes

Synnen · Jul 12, 2012, 12:33 PM

WHY is he working so much? Did his job get more demanding? Is he in an environment where he could LOSE his job if he doesn't work so much? Is it a specific project? Are you in debt up to your ears and he's trying to pay it off? What?

And how much do YOU work, comparatively?

No matter how romantic love is, and how good it feels to be wanted---being hungry and homeless and jobless SUCKS. You're REALLY not going to get sex then.

Look--I understand where you're coming from, but you need to take a longer view on it.

Does he show affection OTHER ways? Does he help around the house, cuddle you on the couch, kiss you in the kitchen, touch you just to touch you? If so, you are placing FAR too much emphasis on the sex. You need to have enough self esteem to feel good about yourself even when there's no sex on the table. If you rate how he feels about you based on how much sex you have---what would you do if he were in an accident and could never have sex again?