[ntanis]

:confused: I agree with you LBP. I have been doing the easy thing. The quick fix. It's a very immature thing but I know I do this in my relationships. Rather than go through the pain and hurt and so forth I just want out. Over. You know? I think, maybe it has something to do with my dad's death. I waited and waited for him to come home because he promised. He left and came home dead and was buried the day after my birthday - which is today actually. That was in 1975. These feelings can be carried on forever. I don't think I ever forgave him for leaving in the first place. I was only 11. All my life, I would see my b/f's as temporary. I would never commit to anything. I never thought that way. When the romance and spoiling stopped then I would find a way to end the relationship. You're so right. Wow. Also, I never wanted to deal with the ending of a relationship so somewhere along the line I would stop myself from giving all my love to the boyfriend at that time. I never intentionally meant anything. It was like a pattern. My relationships would last from 3-5 years and then I would have enough and I would leave. No matter what. I thought I was better off without a man. I could take care of myself financially and I never had to answer to anyone. If I wanted to see someone I would. Now that I'm writing this - it's not so great is it? Your right, honesty hurts but it's also helpful for me because most times I miss the point. I need someone to tell me straight out in a nice way though. So, thanks. Now I just have to figure out if I love myself and him enough to find ways to change. I still only have bad relationships as role models from my past and all around me. I want constructive answers to help. I already know I have hurt a few people and I will answer to that someday. What if this is the one and I am so shallow and removed from the love I should be allowing myself to feel that I'm setting this relationship up to fail so I can skip all the "emo-stuff" in between now and breaking up??

[tinsign]

I don't mean to stick my nose in your post but I wanted to say.. I am so sorry that you had to experience that so young in life as to losing a parent. Heck, it's hard enough at my age to lose the mother I love so dearly.

I wish the best for you in life, and I hope you do find the happiness you seek in a relationship.

I also want to say though it might not be approbiate but.. happy birthday

[LBP]

I think it's obvious that getting married anytime soon is out of the question... But that doesn't mean your relationship is forfeit - far from it! Like Wildcat said in the other thread, reaching out is the thing to do. He'll be surprised by a lot of what you have to say, I'm sure... But it's time to air out your concerns and take a step, here, instead of simply leaping off the trail. Successful relationships are a long, tangled road filled with obstacles, overgrowth and probably even a few bandits wielding cutlasses. But it's not THAT difficult to get through - it takes will and a determination to help make things work rather than giving up on a problem for lost.

I have no way of knowing if this guy is the right one for you. He doesn't sound terrible though he does sound unsure of himself. However, as you've said, you need to start working on different habits. Thank you for the kind words about my advice, but truly, listening to what people have to say here is only the first step - admitting you have a problem, right? Well, you've done it. Now to ask questions and look for help. Your fiancé is a good place to start. YOu'll have to follow your own heart from there.

That's very sad, about your father, and it can set anyone back in ways that don't become clear for YEARS. But you're smart and you're capable and you can do what's best for your happiness, if you put your mind to it.