[jasonovian]

Been with this girl for 3 years. I've had 2 previous g/f's but they meant nothing to me. This is the first girl I've been with that I've ever truly loved with all my heart. Things have definitely been far from perfect, but we've worked hard on our relationship and she says she loves me 100% as well. Im 22, she's 27. Things were fine until she went back to school for another degree. She wants to go out a lot more with friends than she used to, which I don't mind at all. But now there's this other guy that seems to have caught her attention. She says that our current issues together have nothing to do with him but I don't think so. She's been helping him with his problems (hes 19) such as stopping him from becoming an alcoholic, and with school work and stuff. She's been talking about him constantly and its making me crazy. She says he's "just a friend" but the other day she exchanged a usually friendly hug with him that ended turning into a weird sign. They hugged longer than usually, she tells me, and they didn't fully pull away, but rather looked into eachothers eyes and she said she felt "butterflies" in her stomach before getting away.

This makes me feel so hurt inside, but I keep telling myself she's just confused right now. Her stepdad walked out on her and she has no family other than her mom, she has serious issues with my family. Now she's got this college trip planned to go out of state on a ferry, to go to a job-related conference. And guess who's going with her? Him. She said its for students who are in the program only so it would be dumb for me to go. Other people are going, but she is going with him alone and meeting them there, and she is staying an extra day with him there because her "mom doesnt want her driving home at night." She told me she got two rooms that are connected by a door for them, and he's paying for everything, that ****. She told me that he said to her "Ill be just a knock away hehe."There's also a night club in the hotel, which I told her flat out I don't want her going there. This guy has said to her in text messages (he claims to always be drunk at the time) that if she was in front of him right now he'd bang her so hard etc. etc. he's a big guy with big muscles (steroids imo) and a 2 cent brain.


Ive tried telling her how uncomfortable I am with all this, and she just says oh your just insecure, I love you. Am I? Just last week he sends her a cell phone image of his penis. She tells me he's really big but she wouldn't be interested in something that big because it would hurt too much, plus he's "got too much baggage in his life right now" (he went drunk driving a week ago and hit a pole, so she drove him to school). I tell her she is being disrespectful to me and my love for her by not saying anything about it except "oh, i just thought it was funny how pathetic he is" to me. Nothing to him. Nothing.

Now she's telling me that she's afraid to marry me, definitely doesn't want to at this stage, even though I've already got a ring picked out for her. She doesn't kiss me like she used to, she won't make love to me anymore because she's afraid of "an accident happening".
I love her so much, I can't function anymore. They are going on this trip next week, and I was hoping to at least take her out this weekend to prove to her how much I love her. And what does she say? Oh my frined kim wanted a girls night out. Well I said that's BS and we should go out together this weekend, and if they meet us there then fine, but I want to be with her. SO as of right now, we "might" go out tomorrow together. Another thing she asked me is if I would be mad if she kissed some guy in a moment of stupidity, would I break up with her? I said yes I would and she says I'm stupid then, that it would just be a stupid mistake for her to do that.

She says she's jumped from 1 relationship to the next, and now she feels trapped with me, even though she loves me and says in time we will get married and have children, which is all I really want. I moved here 4 years ago, I have NO friends here but her, I don't want to involve people at work or my family and I have no one to turn to. My heart feels like its going to burst out of my chest. I can't work, sleep, and I've stopped eating healthy as of late.

Im doing my best not to be so weak with her. I said to her, if you cheat on me in any way shape or form, then I'm leaving you forever. She takes offense to that and she thinks I'm being way too overbearing and insecure. She also said to me just last night that a priest once told her that its not cheating unless you are engaged or married. She also said that she heard somewhere that should she do something with another guy, she should just do it and not tell me and just get on with her life with me. She says she doesn't agree with what those people said, but then why would she say it to me? Then she says she won't cheat on me, she promised me. Then she says she's just so confused right now and hurt about everything that's happened in our past and what's happeneing with her step-dad and she needs me to be strong for her and that she thinks I am probably the one for her.

Im afraid to lose her, but if she cheated on me I know I would leave her for good. Better to be single and miserable than in a relationship with a slut, if that's what she is. I just can't figure it out. She says she loves me, wants to "probably" marry me someday, that she's just got a lot going on right now and that she needs me to just give her a little space, be there for her, and all will be well. I don't know what to tell her any more. I am emotionally shot. Should I act now, wait till she comes back from out of state, or what? Should I tell her its OK to date other people and, if you figure out that you truly do love me, then we can get back together? Should I call her a slut and ditch her for good? Right now I'm thinkning I will just let the chips fall where they may, and if she does cheat on me in any way when she goes out of state, Ill call it off and tell her what I think of her. Is this a good idea? One last thing, she said to me today on my lunch break that she wishes she wasn't feeling this way right now, she wishes that everything was OK with me and that she could Committ to me, and get these "dumb" thoughts out of her head. I'm so lost confused.

[alkalineangel]

She wants you to tell her its OK to cheat if it is beyond her control. That is not healthy. And it is definitely unhealthy for her to go with this guy alone when he is sending her such explicit messages. She will find herself in a bad situation with a rape kit involved. I hate to say it, but I think that you are going to have to giver her an ultimatum. She needs to either commit to you or, end the relationship. You can't be drug around on a chain for all eternity because she is unsure of herself, or doesn't seem to want to act like an adult. If you don't you will just have your heart broken anyway... she is looking for an out. Make her see what she will be losing. You can't keep hoping that she is just going to change, or nothing will happen. If she is put in the right situation, something WILL happen and then you both will be hurt. Hope that helps.

[tinsign]

I think you already know what you must do but I will say it too, She is wasting your life and you are letting her do it, she is nowhere near ready for any relationship much less to say she will be devoted to you.

She has told you basically that she will and is going to have other men, besides just you. Is she really worth all this hurt you are feeling now you can't even trust her from what I read that she would be faithful to you.

She is looking for an out with you but just in case things don't work out with another man she wants to keep you on the side, I don't think you want to be the "leftover dinner" so to speak

[jasonovian]

Thank you so much for the replys. You are right, it does seem like she wants me to tell her its OK to cheat on me and that ill forgive you if its not your fault or you get raped. Im going to confront her on that tonight when I get home from work.

As far as her going alone with this guy on the ferry to Connecticut, she has explained to me that the other people are leaving in morning and she can't because of work, so she (and her mom) feels safer about her going with someone instead of being alone. They ARE meeting people there, and she even showed me the hotel room reservation online and it IS two separate rooms, and she will have the master key which means he can't get in her room unless she lets him.

To the second reply, you are also right. I have been drug around on a leash by her in cerain things. Its just that, I strong in everything except when it comes to her. Im too sensitve sometimes and constantly break down when it comes to her. I wish wasn't so wimpy with her, but I guess love has affected me this way, which I know is unhealthy. Its just so dam hard to change especially when you get into the situation with her, however I am going to be very strong with her on this one. She has been acting childish, and she's 27! I'm only 22 and I can see it. On her website her new tagline is: how can you be old and wise if you have never been young and free? Maybe she's a slut, maybe she just wants to go out and live life to its fullest but remain loyal to me I don't know. I will confront her tonight with the question, about her it seems I am just being kept as soemone to fall back on or "leftovers as you put it" and ill let you know what she says. Im going to tell her I'm not wanting her to marry me yet, but either commit your heart to me or take a hike. I DO deserve someone to love me as much as I do them. Sorry for typing so much, it just feels so good to actually be talking to someone for once about my life with her, I haven't for 3 years. And believe me, if she cheats on me I'm out.

[tinsign]

It is no trouble for me to read, you type as much as you want about it if it helps you then it is worth it. I have also had my share of heartbreak even as old as I am, in fact one not to long ago but when you know it is not going the way a relationship should go then it is time to call an end to it.

Sometimes talking to people you don't know helps more than anything.

[jasonovian]

Well, we did a lot of talking over the weekend. I feel much better about the situation, but still not enough whereas I trust her. When I told her I won't be her leftovers, and that she is either 100% committed to me alone (physically + emotionally) or I'm out, and she reassured me that I was the love of her life, she has not and will not cheat on me in any way. She even said to me that this guy has a pretty ugly face. I really did find myself this week. I have a lot more self-esteem than ever, and it has nothing to do with her. If she did cheat on me, I would walk away and realize I'm better off and that I could do so much better, again if that be the case. I got some advice from someone who said that women tend to be irrational, and that I shouldn't make a big deal out of the little things. He said I should treat her even better when she acts out, and know that she is well-intentioned and loves me. He said if she's really got issues or could care less about you, doing this will make her go away and your free. If really does love you, she will respect what you did. So, against my better judgement, I brought her a little flower plant on Friday night and surprised her with it when she got home. At first she was livid, and told me to leave, but then she says wait a minute just as I was about to go and call it quits with her after 3 years. So I wait, and when she comes back she tells me she doesn't want flowers or for me to try and buy her affection. I told her that I wasn't doing that, I was ust trying to be more like I was in the beginning of the relationship and show her that whatever she's going through in her mind, that I would be there. She stopped being angry and hugged me and said nice things to me, and things seem to be going better now. I've decided to stick with her until at least after this weekend, I told her to do what she wants, but she had better be honest with me, and if she cheats on me in any way, even if it is him that forces it on her, we are done. She knows what he wants, and if she knowingly puts herself in a hotel room alone with him at night then she gets what she deserves. In response to me telling her this, she says to me that why don't we just break up for the weekend that way you won't have to worry so much and I can't hold anything against her, "even tho im not going to do anything anwyay." here's where my lightbulbs go off again. I told her that I'm not worried, because if she turns out to be a slut then ill just move on and forget her, but I don't think it will happen.

Another thing I AM woried about, is the club thing that's in the hotel. Her stupid classmates are telling her that I'm trying to put her on a leash and that she can't have fun with friends. The guy himself also told her she should go to the cluba dn "have some fun for once" another of her girlfriends is antagonizing the guy, telling him, "your going out of state with the hottest girl in school, what are u gonna do, wink wink" and "i bet ur looking forward to this weekend huh "... on her myspace page her girlfriends are saying that "guys are like a video, u want to get rid of them after 3 days."

She tells me these things and says she wants to go to the club, not drink, but she doesn't want to risk giving this guy the wrong impression because 1. she doesn't want a relationship with him and 2. she doesn't want to lose me over this.
I told her not to go to the club, and she says she is thinking about it. I told her she should respect my wishes, and that its not insecurity, rather its me caring for her. So this part of the issue is unresolved. Do you think I should tell her flat out, that I don't want her there, or am I just being insecure? I think that if I'm too strict about her not going there, she will do it because she likes to feel independent and not tied down (she likes to go out and have fun, but she doesn't want to cheat or anything) well, like I said, I told her above all else be honest with me about what happens so I can deal accordingly.

Ugh, who would have thought loving someone would be so difficult.

[kp2171]

No you are not being insecure.

She is being disrespectful. A guy emails a pic of his unit to my girlfriend, id be steamed. And the noise about its not cheating business, where she's trying to rationalize it all... kidding, right?

So her past is bad. That is no reason for her to get away with treating you like this.

I understand the change in mind being back in school. Just because someone is in their later 20s doesn't mean they need to be ready to marry.

I dated a girl who, when she went to medical school, decided the freedom was more important that the security of a relationship. Pretty much ended the whole deal, though we were probably on the downhill slide anyway.

I want to trust the people I'm with. I dated a different girl who also liked freedom. When we started dating I didn't think itd be anything more than a little fun. Two years later we were still together... but I told her all along that if she wanted to date other guys (shed given me the OK to see other girls, I didnt) to tell me... that she just needed to let me know so id have a choice. Well the choice came when I found out shed been sleeping around on me. I gave her an open door... told her thered be no fight, just tell me, and she still tried to hide it.

So... you just don't have any idea at this point. She could be committed to you but just enjoying attention. She could be pushing out those boundaries.

Basically, you in a bad place cause you are just going to have a terrible time trusting her... and she's really not doing you any favors. Why the hell did she need a room next to him... not that one can't just go down the hall.

Rude and disrespectful.

I disagree about the club. You can't lock her up. Her friends will be there. It's a trip. She should go. She should be with her friends. But she should also have the self control to not hang on a guy unless she's ready to lose you.

[Jiser]

I had a similar problem with my ex. Wanted the freedom to go clubbing with her single friends (some of who are sluts) and 'have fun' (gather what that is), then again she was younger and some people need that stage of sluttyness, some don't - personally I never felt the need to. I never stopped my ex from going out, when she did though she cheated on me twice and liked to grind with other men. - What a b*tch. Not the case in your situation - but in a way because of these things I had alarm bells going off all over for me, for many months and I became so clingy and dependent on her for my own happiness... it was a bad situation. I lost myself. So point is STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and don't take any sh*t from no one, I made that mistake and didn't.

Seems to me that she is having 2nd thoughts. So therefore back off and get some sort of life for yourself sorted. That is hobbies, sports, new friends etc. If she decides she wants to cheat on you, then well better for you. It will be hard but someone else will one day come into the picture - sometimes when were not even looking.

Hmm and I saw you mention you have no friends, well go get some! You can't revolve your whole life around your partner, well I certainly can't or won't in the future.

[Wildcat21]

I think it's time to find a new girlfriend quite honestly.

No trust... AND SHE DOESN'T RESPECT YOU!!

I'd get this twisted gal out of your head and find a healthy person

Quite frankly it sounds like she will only give you massive heart ache.

She seems to get pleasure f-ing with your head. Sick.

You seem like a real doormat with her - no woman wants that - it's impossible to correct without breaking up and no contact. Seriously. Then oyu work o noyurself.

Timre for a new girlfriend. A healthy one.

[jasonovian]

well thing is, if she goes to the club it will be with him by themselves because the "friends" are leaving Friday, and she won't go Friday because she has to be up early the next morning for the seminar (main reason she's going). She would go with him Saturday.

I don't care if she goes to a club with friends, but they should be people I at least trust. This guy is a loser from everything I've seen from him (he was my coworker at one time).
Wildcat, I think your right, her actions have shown me little to no respect. She is twisted, her father walked out on her after phsycially and sexually abusing her at the age of 3. her grandmother suffered a terrible death when she was only 13. All she has is her mom. I know she can be a wacko, but it doesn't mean I don't love her and want to help her. I will not be a doormat with her anymore though.

kp21, you are also correct now that I think about it. She is NOT doing me any favors. However, as far as getting a room next to his, originally her mom wanted her to be in same room with her! Just in different beds. My g/f has not told her anything about this guy other than good stuff, and he even spoke with her on the phone and my g/f tells me her mom likes him a lot. She's an over-protective mom, but I guess its because her daughter is her world. This guy is even meeting her mom today while I'm at work, because they felt it was good for her to be able to tell him in person to "take care of her daughter." so here I am at work, wondering is going on. So yes, I'm in a TERRIBLE place right now. Kp, u also said "she could be committed to you but just enjoying attention. she could be pushing out those boundaries." she LOVES attention. She is an actor, and a fitness model, and absolutely loves when anyone makes a fuss over her looks. Well, not me so much anymore because I tell her all the time, I guess she's used to it. So maybe this is all just her reaching out for more and more attention from anyone who gives it to her. I just wish I could be a fly on the wall in Connecticut and know whether she loves me or is a skank. I asked her point blank last night before I went home, "Do you love me?" of course she says yes. I asked her, are you COMMITTED to me and me alone, and yes again. So, I'm just going to be nice to her without letting her abuse my emotions. And if she does anything (ill find out one way or another) in Conn then ill walk. Ill go out and buy that super expensive comic book instead of the engagement ring I was planning on. And ill do it with a smile on my face. If she even gives me some crap like, " oh, i thought he was going to kiss my cheek like friends do but he went for my lips instead and i couldnt get out of the way" ill tell her to take a hike because you knowingly put yourself in the situation, so its your fault. ( do you guys agree? )

one good thing I can say is about myself. I feel as though I'm ready to break it off with her if need be, without going insane like I've done before. I've been getting back into basketball, and I'm going paintball this weekend while she's away, and I'm going to try and not think of her AT ALL. Im going to try and make some new friends in this state, other than her as well. Ive truly found my self-confidence again, I think all I needed was to talk to anyone, even random people online. Thank you all.

[Wildcat21]

You need a new girlfriend Dude - no REAL and TRUE gal would put you through emotial crap like this.

I bet $1 million all you do this weekend is think about her.

You don't trust her and she certainly doesn't respect you one bit. AND she's freaking 27 - by 27 she shouldn't be playing all these games with you.

[talaniman]

This relationship is so unhealthy and you seem to think your doing the right thing by letting her walk all over you. First off you're the one that has everything emotionally invested and she has other things she enjoys without you. Not good and I think you should be in a healthier, more balanced relationship, with an equal. This ain't it at all. No matter how you present it.

[Wildcat21]

Tall is right on!!

This gal is a mess AND she's 27... and she hanging with a 19 year old as well.

Time DUMP this gal ASAP. It's so unhealthy. This is so wrong. Be a man and put this gal in her place and forget her.

She will ALWAYS be trouble.

If she hasn't cheated on you already (sur sounds like she has) she will.

This gal isn't worth keeping around for another minute.

[jasonovian]

Well, she lashed into me again yesterday, as soon as I called her. I work 8 long hours and then I have to be yelled at again, when I've done nothing. Well I didn't cave in this time. I lashed right back at her and gave it to her straight. This time it was her that cried. She said some mean and rotten things to me. She told me I was the biggest mistake of her life. She also said she's extremely unhappy, and its all because of ME. Well that just about did it for me. I told her she's stupid, told her that I'm no longer insecure with myself and I don't have to take this bs from her anymore. She says she just wants to date me. Usually in this situation, I would tel her please no, I love you too much. Not this time. I told her fine we're dating if that's what you want, and I couldn't care less what happens to you anymore. You want to end it all now, I'm totally fine with it, I'm not going to cry and plead this time. I'm sick and tired of being unhappy because of your bs, and I'm not going to put up with it. I told her I love her enough that I want her to be happy, so ill walk and never look back if that's what you want, because right now I couldn't care less, and I'm unhappy with her. She asks me the same question you advisers are probably wondering. She asked me that if she makes me unhappy, then why do I stay with her? Here's what I said "ive loved you for 3 years, and i believe in working through our problems rather than just running, but im not gonna be walked on anymore" she said she doesn't know what she wants, and her emotions change from anger to confusion and love for me. She tells me she wants to be with me, but she doesn't think I know what I want in a girl, "your only 22" I told her to take a look in the mirror. I told her she needs to grow up, she's 27 and risking losing me over a 19 year old and her own actions. I told her she's the one who is insecure not me. I think this really hit a nerve because I've never really talked back to her like this. Then we talk again on the phone later, and she's being really nice to me. She says she's still just very upset with her life and needs me. I don't know, I think I should break it off with her. Please understand that this is not easy for me. This is my first love in life, the person I gave my virginity to, the person I exchanged promise rings with, and the person I've put even before myself for 3 years now, the person I planned to marry. Well, tonight is the last night we will be seeing each other before the weekend. Ill be giving her the benefit of the doubt for now, but if she makes me feel stupid over the phone in any way while she's over there, ill tell her that when she comes back ill be gone, gone from her heart and gone from the apartment I've moved into so I could be close to her. The guy ended up not meeting her mom yesterday, and my “g/f” said she could care less what he does.

There's the update, and here's my repsonse to what you said.

She hasn't been "hanging" out with this guy. They are partners in the class she's in, but it's a group project. They've only been out to lunch twice, and it was "to discuss class and fitness stuff" on the weekends she is with me, and sometimes during the week. She says they are just friends, and she's not even sure if she wants to be friends with him anymore regardless of what HE wants.

She has told me numerous times that if I wasn't around, she wouldn't even consider going out with him because he's not responsible, believes in abortion, and acts like a player sometimes, he would make a crappy boyfriend, and he's boring, outside of fitness. She was very cold about him yesterday, saying how she can't stand him lately and he's dumb as hell.

Tal, you said she enjoys other things without me, what did you mean by that? We don't have everything in common, shed rather work out sometimes than play sports like me for exercise. I don't mind if she enjoys doing things without me sometimes, isn't that natural?

And Widlcat, your first statement is really what's making me think. Why on earth would some girl who claims to love someone play games and put someone through this hell I'm living in right now? Thinking on this makes me just want to get rid of her right now. I've got to think things through though. Ive sworn to myself I will not be calling her at ALL this weekend, even if I want to. Im going to see 300 tomrow night, paintball Saturday, video games at night, and I'm going to be with my family Sunday morning. I told her to just call me when she gets there so at least I know she's not in any trouble. I told her I'm not calling her, and like I said before, I just want her to be honest with me. Im very close to leaving her, very close. If she didn't give me the mixed signals again last night, I probably would have. I just don't want to do something Ill regret, because I know if I break up with her, there's no going back.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - this gal is a mess - she yells at you - then gets upset when you yell at her.

AND why do you always have to call her? Be busy - do other things. She can call you.

DON'T call her and don't answer the phone whe nshe calls.

I'd just quit all contact with her.

Quite frankly she's a mess... much better women out there. She acts likes she's 15 and she's 27.

She likes the other guy because he's a challenge and a bad boy. You're her lap dog that always calls - always answers her calls.

I'd move on. DON'T CALL HER!!

As long as you're not calling her 5 times a day - she should never be mad at you calling her...

[kp2171]

Well... it's the first step to whatever is next.

You know by now most of us would say walk away. Its what wed tell our brother if he was being treated this way.

Everything is on YOUR terms now. If she can't deal with that, then she's not looking out for your best interests.

I am married to a woman who occasionally flirts. She's done it in a bar when I'm present. I'm OK with it to the level she keeps it at. If some boy wants to flatter her and keep her in drinks all night, fine. She's going home with me.

When she travels abroad I know there are guys that are going to hit on her. One man in mexico will buy her all the champagne shell let him, and she knows hed follow her to her room if she asked. Why is this OK with me? I have an attractive wife whom I trust.

I don't have to worry about her going to a club with people who I don't trust, because I trust her. So its not her friends you don't trust... its really her. If she was solid emotionally it wouldn't matter.

There is a point when seeking attention from others is just too much... it's a substitute for self esteem. And unfortunately, relationships that are built on propping the other person up don't have much to hold it together. I'm not saying you propped her up too much... I'm saying if that is what gives her satisfaction, if that desire is more important to her than treating you well... well then she's got some big problems to deal with... and you simply cannot save her. And you should not sacrifice yourself trying.

There's also no shame is trying to salvage a relationship. So far, she hasn't really cheated on you... yet. You've invested time. You want it to mean something. Just remember that even if this falls apart it doesn't mean it wasn't worth it or it didn't mean something. I lost a few great loves before I found my wife.

I don't regret the failed relationships at all. You take chances.

I DO however regret the wasted time I spent... time when I held on too long and I knew better... time when I thought about others more than myself at an unhealthy level... and time I spent wallowing in self pity when I really could have used that wasted energy on something positive.

One step at a time man.

[Wildcat21]

GLAD yoyu stood up for yourslef!! Awesome!!

BUT, you have to get all your power back... she has it all. Of course she gets upset when you got mad.

You need to beceome a man. Lose the Mr. Sensitive stuff.

Going forward don't put up with any of her CRAP - they're all tests and you've failed.

YOU DON'T ALWASYS HAVE TO BE ALL AGREEABLE - EVER. GROW A SPINE STARTING TODAY!!

[jasonovian]

She cheated on me. She got drunk as hell Saturday night, and plowed him. He came in her (condom). 3 positions. She's begging me to forgive her. I threw all her stuff out the front door of my apartment. I broke her new sunglasses since my mom bought them for her. I called her a skank, slut whore etc. tons of times. I told her I never wanted to see her again. I didn't cry. My heart just died. She cried to me like I've never seen her cry before. She told me she loves me with all her heart, and wants to be with me forever. She says she didn't keep it from me. She said she didn't enjoy it at all, that the reason she drank was because she was depressed about our problems. But then she pursued sex with him. She's not sure if she gave him oral or not (he told her they did, she doesn't remember). She woke up on the floor naked with him, not knowing what happened. I hate myself. I hate this world , and I hate my life. Most of all, I hate her, but why, dammit why do I still love her. I told her we are broken up and will never be back together. She threatened suicide, because she "cannot live without the greatest thing that ever happened to me." I refused to kiss her when she asked. I've been cold as hell to her since yesterday. I went to a bar and got trashed and some other girl comforted me and let me talk, I guess because she saw how hurt I was. My girl says she will beat the crap out of her if she sees her. She posts a huge blog on her webpage saying how much she loves me and doesn't want to lose me, and that life is not worth living without me in it. I've begun to question my religion, my life, myself, all on account of her. Im between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, I want to listen to her and forgive her like the catholic I think I am, and get past this because it was a physical act. She told me her heart was always mine, and always will be. On the other hand, I want revenge on the guy, on her, and all her stupid friends. I feel truly lost. I thought it would be easy to just move on. Its not.

[Nohitter410]

Cut this girl off right now and let her see what a 19year old is really about. You don't need this in your life right now or ever. She is 27 but she sure as hell isn't acting like one. I would say the best thing you can do is say I love you and really care about you but I am not going to get caught up in these sort of games. If a 19year old boy is worth more to you then our relationship then so be it. She will probably tell you that you have nothing to worry about and he is only a friend. But if she truly loved you she would cut this guy out because like others have said before a relationship needs compromise and this girl isn't willing to even come halfway. And honestly I would break up with her before she cheats on you because she has already emotionally cheating on you. After she let another man's penis to enter her phone and then let her say he is really big but I don't want that. That to me means she has seen it before and more than just on the phone.

Are you worth this kind of abuse and disrespect?? I don't think so. Let this girl grow and see how stable a 19year old alcoholic with other baggage going on and see how much this guy offers her. To be honest she will see he isn't worth it and come running back. By that point I hope you found someone else or at least realize she isn't worth it. You are 22, why settle down with someone like this right now. Let her grow and you grow up as well. And maybe she will change but I see this not working out but better to find this out sooner rather than later.

[Nohitter410]

Well didn't see the comment before me. End it don't waste your breath or time. She will beg you back and she saw it wasn't worth it and now look where she is. No reason to stoop to her level and call her names and what not. You are 22 not 4. Just end it, you deserve better.

Don't let this girl back in your life ever. No matter what she says. You knew it was inevitable and the lack of disrespect she showed you was intolerable. Show her what it is to really miss you by not giving her the time of day now and forever. Let her grow up because you will find much better than someone like this.



SHE IS ONE GIRL.. ONE GIRL How does her actions or behaviors have any way of converting them onto you and making you a bad person. I don't understand that. She was the one to cheat, she was the one contemplating suicide, she was the one with all the problems going on in your life. You can care for her and hope she is OK but that has nothing to do with YOUR LIFE. She is a part of your life and only a part is lost right now. You are 22, you will realize you really don't need this in your life. You only have one life to live and do you really want to grow old with someone like this that can just get drunk and be like I had sex but didn't enjoy it and I don't know what else we did. Why do you need to hear all these details? Even if she just kissed the guy, she cheated and doesn't deserve you. SO because she was depressed with your problems, it was OK to sleep with another dude and realize that you are meant for each other. You don't get those kind of breaks. I don't know you but at 22 and me being 23, I know how fun life can be when you let it. You can do a lot of things you never thought you could and meet so many great people along the way. Don't let one girl control what you do. She is one person remember that, one person. She wasn't stable for you and stressed you out. You may love many things about her but the problems definitely outweigh the positives and no one deserves the kind of stuff she has put you through. No one. Let her go and move on and don't let her back into your life. Have fun, stay busy and just enjoy the freedom she has given you. You can do what you want now. Go to bed at 8pm or go out until 4 am. Don't have to answer to anybody. You are allowed to be sad and upset over this but you need to think if your friend was going through this what would you tell him or her. You would say you deserve better he/she isn't worth your time or day.

You are allowed to still love her but that doesn't mean you need to be together. Move on!