[Smilesmilesxx]

Me and my ex were together for nearly four years... We got together at 14. We were inseparable we were best friends also... We were close friends from the age of 11!

I was madly in love with him, thought he was the one. I thought he felt the same. He made out he did.. There was nothing wrong in the relationship except for he felt he needs different things now and change... He wants to be a "boy" doesn't want to spend his life with one girl basically. He finished me four months ago now and a lot has happened since.

He was seeing a girl a week after, we tried to stay friends and met up a month after the break up. But he was flirty ans I just told him straight I couldn't be friends, but he said he would message me in a few weeks to sort out giving me a few of my things back.. He didn't and I found out he had been seeing a girl that he knew she and I had disagreements with... So I told him he has hurt me way too much for me to ever want to speak to him again and to leave me alone... He randomly sent me a message two weeks after this claiming "we are never getting back together and I won't contact you till you are over me" I didn't even say I wanted him back!!

Anyway a few weeks after this... My Facebook was hacked.. The password was changed via my email and I come to every conclusion I could to try and sum up that it wasn't him but I traced the IP left in the emails from Facebook that he had tried to delete but this only moved them to another folder.. He was the only person who ever knew my email password it was too personal to tell anyone and I did tell him because he use to go on my email to order things online when he was with me! So he definitely hacked it! I didn't confront him about this because I thought it was a reaction he wants so I am not giving him it... However this confuses me because he says he doesn't want me ever doesn't miss me and doesn't care, yet went to this length?

A few weeks ago also it was my birthday.. He sent me a text early In the morning saying just plain "happy birthday" I didn't reply or acknowledge it and deleted it. I then received a message from his brother saying have a nice day etc etc and we will have to introduce you to our baby when it is born. So I just said thanks an hope all is well etc! I also received a card off his family with £20 in it so I decided to ring his mum on her mobile to say thank you! After that about two weeks ago his mum came into my work to do some shopping kept telling me he's not seeing anyone and she's so angry with him and can't believe him for what he has done to me! I just agreed an said, well I don't care anymore it's all in the past and smiled so I didn't act bothered...

Last week was his birthday.. I didn't send him a message but my dad decided to drop him a card off to return the favor and he rang the house phone to say thank you when his whole family have my dads mobile number everyone seem to thinks he done that hoping I answered the phone! Which I didn't... As well he has told my friend that the girl he was seeing was rebound and he didn't like her it was to make things easier...

He is confusing me so much!! I genuinely have thought he didn't care and wasn't phased by losing me at all an that hurt me more so I don't know what to think of this? I also need to get a few bits back off him soon. I was going to get him to pass them to my brother as they go to college together because I don't want to see him. However, I don't want to Initiate any form of contact with him as he has hurt me too much and I'm trying to turn the table so that it is him hurting instead...

Can someone make sense of this and try and tell me what I can do to turn the tables which I haven't already (I am actually nearly moved on, I'm with someone else now and I'm happy the majority of the time)

I also saw him a few weeks back at a party but I was outside chatting to a few friends and some boys were flirting with me... He has started smoking and was smoking by me and kept looking over at me and every time I caught him he looked away

I also went on his YouTube channel for the first time in months and found he's been listening to Alex Clare - too close and the lyrics relate to what he has said to me.. I was surprised because I thought I wouldn't cross his mind and it is as though he is putting stuff online for me to see because I have blocked him from Facebook, twitter and completely removed him from my life

[joypulv]

You are doing everything right and it is making him see you in a different light - he didn't expect you to show the resolve of no contact. But if you give in, you may find yourself right back where you started, because some people just like the chase, the thrill, winning someone, winning someone back, trying to prove that YOU want HIM more than he wants you, only to dump you again. You are both still young (how old are you?) and playing the field is pretty common.
My suggestion: keep your resolve, tell family to stop, and at the very least have the satisfaction that it is intriguing him and maybe even driving him a little crazy. Even if you are sure about your Facebook, don't accuse. Just change all your passwords and let it go. He's trying to get a reaction and don't do him any favors. If he actually wants you back and means it, he has to move mountains for you, but don't even tell him that either - he has to try without knowing whether you will take him back or not.

[Smilesmilesxx]

You are doing everything right and it is making him see you in a different light - he didn't expect you to show the resolve of no contact. But if you give in, you may find yourself right back where you started, because some people just like the chase, the thrill, winning someone, winning someone back, trying to prove that YOU want HIM more than he wants you, only to dump you again. You are both still young (how old are you?) and playing the field is pretty common.
My suggestion: keep your resolve, tell family to stop, and at the very least have the satisfaction that it is intriguing him and maybe even driving him a little crazy. Even if you are sure about your Facebook, don't accuse. Just change all your passwords and let it go. He's trying to get a reaction and don't do him any favors. If he actually wants you back and means it, he has to move mountains for you, but don't even tell him that either - he has to try without knowing whether you will take him back or not.

I am 18! We're both very young! I understand completely why it ended and I'm trying to move on the best I can and have changed all my passwords and hidden everything possible I can away from him and I'm going to remain the no contact how am I going to get my stuff back do you think he'll contact me about it eventually?

[Smilesmilesxx]

Threads have been merged and edited


I've asked two questions before.

Long story short, I was with my ex from the age 14-18! We loved each other dearly no exaggeration we never really even argued much.. We got in a rut however he got bored and left me five months ago now... there was another girl involved also he claims was rebound...

I haven't spoken to him now for two months.. I never even pestered him I begged once the first week he broke up with me.. I stopped an didn't speak to him for two months until he kissed a girl that I don't get on with and we had an argument..

The ONLY person EVER to even know my password as it was personal and complicated was my Ex!! I haven't confronted him about this as I want to move on and not give him the satisfaction of me talking to him I want him to want me and to regret what he has done to our relationship and to me especially because I would have given him the world if I could I loved him to pieces and appreciated him for everything he was and I know he sure as hell didn't deserve me! And doesn't!

But I am wondering if he is bothered ? Because It feels like he is... Can anyone make sense of it?


I am doing fine now.. I miss him so so much but I know where we went wrong. I understand why he ended it and I've been having fun with my life and improved myself for the better and done everything to try and get over him and will continue so. I don't need anyone to say just get over him as I am doing so I just want someone opinions as to what's going on in his head and if I'll ever hear from him again or he'll ever regret it?

[talaniman]

No one can say whether he will realize his mistakes or get over it himself, but yes he is trying these lame tricks and mind games to get your attention, and holding stuff hostage in hopes you will acknowledge him, and can change your mind. Despite the ego driven words and actions that he has displayed before, and his words and actions NOW!

Do you really need those things he has back, or the few quid(?) he owes you? Or is this a game on your part to get closure, revenge, or just rub it in?

If you are moving on as you say, then forget breaking NO CONTACT to get STUFF back that can be replaced. If he contacts you about this stuff, you should ignore it, and keep moving on, and not feed the ego for revenge, OR just morbid curiosity.

[Smilesmilesxx]

I am so confused!
My ex broke up with me in January after us being together from the age 14 - 18! We really did love each other.
I know why we went wrong, if it wasn't for our young age we wouldn't have broken up. Friends etc came between us and I know how I went wrong.
Anyway, we both have had rebounds. He was textig another girl when he was with me and a week after we split up he was with her.
They broke up after a month.
A lot of drama has happened since we broke up.
I have spoke to him on several occasions, having arguments about his actions. He kissed a girl who hates me in spite when I never done anything but love him to pieces and beg him back for the first few days we were split up!
I went no contact for three months maybe more.. Absolutely zilch! I ignored the happy birthday message from him, and didn't send him one either. I had him blocked off all social networks so I wasn't tempted to look at him. During this time my Facebook was hacked via access to my email address and guess who was the only person who knew my password to my email? Him! I didn't change it because I never thought he would do that! Facebook emailed me the ip address of the person who changed my password and it said it was someone in my city with virgin media Internet.. Coincidence is too much. He has virgin media Internet. It must have been him. Didn't confront him about it though!
Anyway. Last week, I decided it was about time to contact him to get a few of my things back from him. So I called him at about half 1 in the afternoon, he answered an was all like "heyyy how are you?" an I was all cool and happy just being friendly back told him it was about time to get my things back an said he could pass it to a relative of mine or post them or meet up with me the choice was his and he said "what are you doing today?" I said "nothing you?" an he goes "nothing" then he moved onto asking me a lot of questions "are you going on holiday" "did you enjoy your prom?" "how was your birthday" "are you still seeing Craig" "how was your exams" etc etc an then after answering them I said "erm anyway just let me know when your going to give me the stuff back" and he goes "your not doing anything today ?l" and I said "no why?" an he said "I will come down to yours after I've had a shower on my motorbike and drop them off"
So he came, he looked depressed as hell. He has lost a lot of weight grown a beard.
First thing he says to me is "your still wearing my necklace I got you?" an I said "obviously because it's nice"
We went for a walk for two hours catching up. He kept bringing up memories of us and initiated the conversation. He kept sayig he was bored and had nothing to do when he got home do I asked him if he would like to go for a drink or something ? An he replied he had no money so he would go back to his get some and come back.
He also bought up his rebound claiming he never even liked her and said I was an idiot for believing he did.
Before he left I Said "so have you missed me then?" and he just looked at me Asif to say obviously.
I then said "just bloody admit it, I know it and you know it you have" an he goes "yes I miss you but I don't miss us"
And I said " you miss being around me, seeing me and speaking to me?" and he said "yes but not us" and I replied "I never mentioned us I mentioned missing me and you do " an we both just laughed. Anyway he got home and text me saying he wasn't going to come back out as he was going out with friends.
I rang him and had a quick joke trying to persuade him and then laughed it off when he said no.
This is all so confusing!
I don't know what to make of it. He was so happy to see me wanted to stay around me but chose not to.
Can anyone make sense of this ?

[Ryantheatheist]

I am so confused!
My ex broke up with me in January after us being together from the age 14 - 18! We really did love each other.
I know why we went wrong, if it wasn't for our young age we wouldnt have broken up. Friends etc came between us and I know how I went wrong.
anyway, we both have had rebounds. He was textig another girl when he was with me and a week after we split up he was with her.
They broke up after a month.
A lot of drama has happened since we broke up.
I have spoke to him on several occasions, having arguements about his actions. He kissed a girl who hates me in spite when I never done anything but love him to pieces and beg him back for the first few days we were split up!
I went no contact for three months maybe more.. Absolutely zilch! I ignored the happy birthday message from him, and didn't send him one either. I had him blocked off all social networks so I wasn't tempted to look at him. during this time my Facebook was hacked via access to my email address and guess who was the only person who knew my password to my email? Him! I didn't change it because I never thought he would do that! Facebook emailed me the ip address of the person who changed my password and it said it was someone in my city with virgin media Internet .. Coincidence is too much. He has virgin media Internet. It must have been him. Didn't confront him about it though!
Anyway. Last week, I decided it was about time to contact him to get a few of my things back from him. So I called him at about half 1 in the afternoon, he answered an was all like "heyyy how are you?" an I was all cool and happy just being friendly back told him it was about time to get my things back an said he could pass it to a relative of mine or post them or meet up with me the choice was his and he said "what are you doing today?" I said "nothing you?" an he goes "nothing" then he moved onto asking me a lot of questions "are you going on holiday" "did you enjoy your prom?" "how was your birthday" "are you still seeing Craig" "how was your exams" etc etc an then after answering them I said "erm anyway just let me know when your going to give me the stuff back" and he goes "your not doing anything today ?l" and I said "no why?" an he said "I will come down to yours after I've had a shower on my motorbike and drop them off"
So he came, he looked depressed as hell. He has lost a lot of weight grown a beard.
First thing he says to me is "your still wearing my necklace I got you?" an I said "obviously because it's nice"
We went for a walk for two hours catching up. He kept bringing up memories of us and initiated the conversation. He kept sayig he was bored and had nothing to do when he got home do I asked him if he would like to go for a drink or something ? An he replied he had no money so he would go back to his get some and come back.
He also bought up his rebound claiming he never even liked her and said I was an idiot for believing he did.
Before he left I Said "so have you missed me then?" and he just looked at me Asif to say obviously.
I then said "just bloody admit it, I know it and you know it you have" an he goes "yes I miss you but I don't miss us"
And I said " you miss being around me, seeing me and speaking to me?" and he said "yes but not us" and I replied "I never mentioned us I mentioned missing me and you do " an we both just laughed. Anyways he got home and text me saying he wasn't going to come back out as he was going out with friends.
I rang him and had a quick joke trying to persuade him and then laughed it off when he said no.
This is all so confusing!
I dont know what to make of it. He was so happy to see me wanted to stay around me but chose not to.
Can anyone make sense of this ?

It sounds to me like he is having a think about coming back, but he probably didn't want to over-do it on the day in question, what I mean by that is; that he probably didn't want to see you too much that day in case it all went sour.

It sounds as though it is on his mind to get back with you, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder and it seems to have worked in this case. I would leave him to it, you had a good time that day... if you meet up again try not to talk about the relationship and just try to get along as talking about relationships and problems within it can ruin a second-chance. Talk about things you may have done together, just make sure they are funny :)

Hope this helps.

Ryan

[Smilesmilesxx]

Ive posted a few questions all about my ex.
I'm madly in love with him always have been.
I'm okay without him but I still care more than anything.
I'm so confused!
I rang him after no contact for a few months last week... He asked me so many questions about my life my new boyfriend etc etc ! He was so happy to hear from me!!
He suggested coming to my house that day to give me my stuff bak so he did.
He was eager to see me!
We laughed and joked for the whole two hours!
He admitted he missed me but doesn't miss "us"
He was hesitating on whether to stay out and go for a drink an went home to get money.
He text me when he got home and said he was going out with friends an chose not to come back to see me.
I laughed it off on the phone to him an said have fun!
He admitted to me also that the girl he was with a week after me was major rebound didn't like her at all! He also kept bringing up memories of our past in a good way!
Anyway I text him asking to meet up as I really want to know if there is even a chance or of I need to just move on completely as I'm half way there (believe it or not)
And he said okay but wouldn't give me a date... so I decided to "let go" and I got everything off my chest in a message to him that I've wanted to say to him. It was a nice message basically telling him I'm moving on an I forgive myself and him etc etc.. I got a text back from him saying he would reply after work as it was to long to reply properly.
So then I replied to him saying if alls he's going to say is "ive got nothing to say" then don't worry about it because that's not what I needed to hear I needed answers or closure.
He still hasn't replied...
And then I have just found him doing YouTube videos of himself singing love songs... Adele someone like you and maroon 5 pay phone. These were uploaded five days ago!
What am I supposed to even make of this?
He acts so depressed yet made up to see me happy to see me..
I just don't even know what's going on with him!
Are them videos about me?
Why would you put yourself on YouTube singing depressing songs that somehow do relate to your life situation if that's not want what you want anymore?
I'm so confused and I don't know what to do! Do I confront him or what?

[semiramis78]

It if was me, I wouldn't do anything. Don't show any interest, no any conversations... just wait he he contacts you and answer but casually... as if you feel for him much, and he should believe that, and if he still loves you, he will come and ask you for getting together again.
Read a sticky note called, "How to Break-up and survive 101 (use it as you wish)" , that's very wise I think :)

[Smilesmilesxx]

it if was me, i wouldn't do anything. dont show any interest, no any conversations ... just wait he he contacts you and answer but casually... as if you feel for him much, and he should believe that, and if he still loves you, he will come and ask you for getting together again.
read a sticky note called, "How to Break-up and survive 101 (use it as you wish)" , that's very wise I think :)

What if I know he's never going to do that because he wouldn't have the balls?

[semiramis78]

I am not an expert, I am in the middle of a break up myself, and I'm just talking as a friend.
After a year of frustration, I decided to be with a guy who WISHES to be with me, not the one who sometimes is not interested, and is not sure what he wants! I feel his behavior is below my dignity...
Now about you, you should come to this conclusion I think...

Anyway if you really want to do something, you have two options:

1. wait and play psychology game. You can also see some videos on YouTube about "how to get my ex back", some are informative.

2. you can't wait? And he wouldn't come and speak to you? Then ask him straight forward what does he think? But most probably he wouldn't say what you like to hear and you risk it that he ran away further.

In the end people think differently and god knows what he is thinking, and nobody can predict what will happen, maybe that's why life is interesting and also sometimes frustrating... :)

[emopunk7]

That would be great. After all, you wouldn't want a man without balls, right?

[Smilesmilesxx]

I met up with him yesterday because he text me... I decided to comfront him about everything so I could get everything off my chest and I am so glad I did now. I feel a lot more relieved and yes he said he's just not in love with me but he has missed me and he does care about me a lot so we are Friends. He gave me all the answers I needed as to why he doesn't want it anymore and it's not just our relationship its any because he's emotionally too young for a relationship literally and I could clearly see that today.
So now were just friends if that. He's been textig me since we met up and I'm now fine being friends. Better than nothing