[Paulo07]

Hey I was with this girl but we weren't together to long.It was for 2 and a half months but she was the first girl I ever took seriously. She said that she just lost her feelings for me and I understand that but I'm trying to get her to try and work this out I know that its not sure to happen but she doesn't even want to try I understand that she doesn't have feeling but if we were together uusally she still wants them just doesn't have them and we could try to see if anyhting will come back to her by spending time and talking something she does not want to do she just wants everythoing we had to go to nothing. What hurts the most is that we always talked about being together forever and before we got in this relationship she is the one who said she wanted long term because she had a kid with another guy and at the beginning it was hard for me to accept but I acred about her so I thought I could get through that and I did like I'm only 18 but feel so much for her its like the one that I've taking seriously and I'm willing to do anyhting for us to get anmohter chance and work this out but when she doesn't even want to talk its kind of hard. I know a lot of people might say just get over her and with time it will heal but that's not what I want and I just want to try and work things out I know it might not work . I need help how do I get her to want to try and work this out when she has little or even no feeling for me left but if she once had she could get again. Anyone want to respond and help thanks a lot

[kp2171]

You don't make her anything.

You back off. If she needs you, she comes to you.

You don't have to like the truth, but that's it.

There is no magic button. You cannot make her feel anything.

Its up to her to reassess her feelings. If she begins to miss you, shell pursue you.

In the meantime, you need to act like you are a single guy who is not dating her. That's the reality.

[kp2171]

Paulo07 disagrees: I undertand that but its different then you may think and I'm tryion to do that but its hard and all I can say is if your not in the situation you may not know


Always nice to see someone come for advice and refuse to be open to advice.

Here's a note: it isn't really a question when you have already formulated an answer in your mind and that answer is the only thing you'll accept.

Welcome to AMHD.

[kp2171]

"if im not in the situation"...

This is the classical nobody-knows-how-i-feel-except-me sob story.

You think you are the only person who has loved and lived and been through crap like this?

Grow up.

Or make the same mistakes that most of us have made and are trying to keep you from making.

[Paulo07]

You well I guess your right like I have to keep my mind open but that's not what I was trying to say man and I guess you took it the wrong way but thanks

[kp2171]

The problem is if you focus too much on her, you lose yourself.

You can be a good man. You can be caring and you can make sure her needs are met. That only makes you a butler.

If the sparks are not there, its an uphill battle.

So the very best you can do is whatever contact you do have with her, make it worthwhile. I dated, and later married, a single mother with a kid. Their perspective is a little different sometimes. They have obligations they need to focus on, and maybe a relationship was taking too much energy.

Or maybe not. It really could be as simple as she enjoyed the chase, but the thrill wore off once she was "caught". I've dated a girl before mostly cause I liked the attention and she was fun enough to be with. Didn't last.

If I was an a$$ in the previous posts... well, it happens. A lot of people come here trying to "make" someone get connected again, and there just isn't any magic bullet.

I, myself, wasted two years on and off with a girl who had lost the feeling. So when I tell you to back off, it isn't cause I know its what you want. I know its probably what you need.

And the distance MAY make her miss you. As long as you are a good guy and don't burn the bridges, she'll remember that. But sometimes it just isn't enough.

Remember, almost all relationships lose some of the spark in time. You get caught up in the demands of life and its easy to find yourself so far from where you were before.

If she's lost the feeling after just over 2 mo, I don't think it has lasting power. Doesn't mean you aren't right for her. Doesn't mean she isn't right for you. Might mean bad timing. I had one great relationship fall apart mostly for this reason alone.

[Paulo07]

Well thanbks a lot for your opinion and like you said you were in this before and at the time its kind of hard but I think you are right if its meant to be I guess it will just happen with time but I really want to try and work it out that's the thing I'm mixed up in feelings and like our relationship was great we never really fought and were were good to each other and treated each other great we didn't have any complains over anything she just said that she lost them so I dunt know

[Nohitter410]

Paulo, your situation isn't different, there may be other factors about why it happened and other reasons it happened but it isn't different. Stop fooling yourself. People on here are here to help and it isn't like you provide every detail of the breakup or anything.

What you write on here is make the light look bright for you and give people on here that there is more hope most of the time then there really is.

I know alot of people might say just get over her and with time it will heal but thats not what i want and i just wanna try and work things out i know it might not work . I need help how do i get her to want to try and work this out when she has little or even no feeling for me left but if she once had she could get again. anyone want to respond and help thanks alot

If you know that is what we are going to say and still discount it then what are we suppose to do, LIE TO YOU?? She has no feelings for you right now and doesn't want to talk, you need to understand that you have zero chance to get back together right now. Are we saying there is no hope for you, no we can't because we can't predict the future. But look yourself in the mirror, why do you have to convince someone to like you that doesn't want you at all, just go away if you see her be funny and make her laugh, but you need to do no contact and go away for awhile. If she comes back, she does. But you badgering her and trying to convince her won't work.

Either take the advice and go real no contact and move on or sit and sulk and let one girl control your life. Hope is a killer, there is no hope and the sooner your realize the better it is. Move on and if she comes back she comes back. BUt we aren't going to just come on here and tell you what you want to hear. You get honest opinions and sometime very differing opinions but we won't lie and tell you what you want. Move on