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emoXpixxie · Mar 2, 2007, 05:01 AM

I currently have a boyfriend. I really like him and we get along great, but I don't know if I really love him. The thing is, he tells me he adores me and would kill himself if I ever dumped him. And I was considering it, but then he said that and I though oh crap what the hell am I going to do now? Cause I think he means it, he used to cut and he really seems to love me. I feel bad I don't feel the same way (well, I think I don't feel the same way). Also, if I dumped him people would seriously hate me. I know this isn't a good reason for staying with him, but we've been going out for nearly a year, and everyone thinks we're the best couple and we have all the same friends and because I would be the one hurting him I'm scared they'll kill me. I really like him and I don't want to hurt him. HELP ME!

JoeCanada76 · Mar 2, 2007, 05:32 AM

First of all you have answered all of your own questions.

Your with him because you feel sorry for him and he is threatening to kill himself if you leave him.

That is emotional blackmail, I do not care what state of mind he is in.

As far as being afraid of other people killing you, if your so afraid of this happening let the police know and get them involved.

If you do not want to really truly hurt him. You will tell him the truth.

Joe

tinsign · Mar 2, 2007, 05:39 AM

Don't ever stay with someone just because you feel bad for them, or afraid they will hurt thierselfs. The best thing you can do for him now is to tell now, I don't think he would do anything serious to himself but if you feel he will here's a suggestion.. let his parents know ahead of time that it is over and what he has threatened to do. This way he will get the help he needs so bad.

emoXpixxie · Mar 27, 2007, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by emoXpixxie

I currently have a boyfriend. I really like him and we get along great, but I don't know if I really love him. The thing is, he tells me he adores me and would kill himself if I ever dumped him. And I was considering it, but then he said that and I though oh crap what the hell am I going to do now? Cause I think he means it, he used to cut and he really seems to love me. I feel bad I don't feel the same way (well, I think I don't feel the same way). Also, if I dumped him people would seriously hate me. I know this isn't a good reason for staying with him, but we've been going out for nearly a year, and everyone thinks we're the best couple and we have all the same friends and because I would be the one hurting him I'm scared they'll kill me. I really like him and I don't want to hurt him. HELP ME!

Its all okay now. I do love him, it was just my "friend" really confusing me about mine and his relationship, he was playing games and then told me to dump my boyfriend for him and I figured it out. He put doubts in my mind and I freaked out cause I'm like that and I fall for anything. Thanks you guys anyway I appreciate the help and you gave good answers if and I would have followed your advice had the situation been what I thought it was. The guy who confused me told me he thought I didn't really love my boyfriend and I thought Oh My God do I? And starting over analysing s*** and thinking about it and I got worried and crap. But I do love him loads and loads and everything is okay now. Thanks x x x x

momincali · Mar 28, 2007, 10:30 AM

You can't stay with someone because they're nutty enough to say they would kill themselves if you left. That is definitely not a healthy person to be with. And his friends, who cares. If they are so scared that he will hurt or kill himself because you left, then let them babysit him since they love and adore him so much. Hey, you can turn around and use their crazy logic and tell them that if he hurts himself cause you left him, it will be their fault cause they're his friends and are supposed to be by his side and take care of him, right?? Crazy I know, but staying there is even crazier.

You're not a bad person for walking away. Guilt comes to good people but your guilt is inappropriate. If he wants to go back to cutting, to hurt himself, to even take his own life (or at least use those threats to manipulate people) than that is his choice. His choice.

Do what you need to do. If the relationship is not working, than it's not working, forcing yourself to be there will only make you resent him and you may end up cutting him before he does and make him wish you'd left him, LOL, just kidding!

texxxas · Mar 29, 2007, 10:55 AM

You should NEVERRRR ever stay with someone just because you're scared he might kill himself, it's wrong of him to use that against you, that's pretty much mental abuse, since you and him have the same friends, you should talk to some of his closer friends, if they open their mouth and tell him, he might not like that you talked to them about that, but at the same time, he shouldn't be holding you responsible for his life or actions, if you don't want to be with him anymore, just tell him, you're not ready to be with anyone but that you would still like to be there for him and remain friends, if he acts stupid about it, that's his problem, okay babe?? Please don't feel like you should stay with him, just because he might "kill himself" it's a really sad and pathetic reason to stay with someone

Rockabilly1955mama · Mar 29, 2007, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by texxxas

you should NEVERRRR ever stay with someone just because you're scared he might kill himself, it's wrong of him to use that against you, that's pretty much mental abuse, since you and him have the same friends, you should talk to some of his closer friends, if they open their mouth and tell him, he might not like that you talked to them about that, but at the same time, he shouldn't be holding you responsible for his life or actions, if you don't wanna be with him anymore, just tell him, you're not ready to be with anyone but that you would still like to be there for him and remain friends, if he acts stupid about it, that's his problem, okay babe??? please don't feel like you should stay with him, just because he might "kill himself" it's a really sad and pathetic reason to stay with someone

Agreed!

emoXpixxie · Mar 31, 2007, 02:57 PM

Originally Posted by emoXpixxie

I currently have a boyfriend. I really like him and we get along great, but I don't know if I really love him. The thing is, he tells me he adores me and would kill himself if I ever dumped him. And I was considering it, but then he said that and I though oh crap what the hell am I going to do now? Cause I think he means it, he used to cut and he really seems to love me. I feel bad I don't feel the same way (well, I think I don't feel the same way). Also, if I dumped him people would seriously hate me. I know this isn't a good reason for staying with him, but we've been going out for nearly a year, and everyone thinks we're the best couple and we have all the same friends and because I would be the one hurting him I'm scared they'll kill me. I really like him and I don't want to hurt him. HELP ME!

I know you shouldn't stay with someone who threatens stuff like that, but I love Dean and I don't know. Things have sort of sorted themselves out so I'll just see what happens next. As for telling my parents about it... eek. Mom and Dad and me don't really talk about this stuff. Thanks for your guys help anyway, I'm going to see what happens now, hopefully, I'll be less confused by the end of it.

Zeus2007 · Mar 31, 2007, 03:45 PM

I work in an ER and see this crap all the time. Blackmail is the word no love to be found. What really is interesting is when the blackmailed calls the bluff of the suicidal person you can see there is no emotion involved in their actions, only regret in get called on the bluff. Funny thing is though they continue the behavior and are manipulative and destructive individuals. Take my word for it get out before it becomes a pattern for you and yo are changed for it in the long run.